Help Should I tell my professor I'm suicidal/seriously considering ctb?

[Decadent Snake]

My suicidal thoughts have been getting worse. They used to be around 1-3 times every week or so, however, they've now begun reoccurring almost daily. I've already resigned myself that I'm going to ctb, but I'm not sure when.

Lately, its been getting more intense, with multiple instances of me actually considering that I should go through with my plan this summer (the reason that I'm holding on is that I want to go urban exploring with a good friend), but depending on other circumstances I might even decide to ctb earlier.

Now, I have this professor that I'm quite close with. I have already told her a little bit about my suicidal thoughts, but reassured her that it was passive and that I won't ctb for a good few years (changed after I found a more accessible way for my method). She told me that she would get me in touch with a counsellor at student services but that hasn't happened yet (been a couple of weeks). I'm kind of spiralling, and I don't know what to do.

...I don't want to die.

Well, I do, but part of me is torn between leaving and finally being freed of all my struggles, while the other has hope that things will get better if I get help.

I'm worried that if I tell her I might be involuntarily hospitalized, but at the same time I'm hoping that if I do, at least it might be able to help me somewhat. What should I do?

 

[snwcolt]

You shouldn't tell anyone irl unless you want help and don't want to die. If you're sincerely wanting to end yourself without ppl making it more difficult then telling someone is never a good idea. I hope that you still have enough hope left that getting help is a better option, and if that's the case, then go for it and talk to someone so you can get that help before things in your life get any worse

 

[ke9]

Professors aren't really trained to handle this stuff. Best bet, at least from my point of view, is to go to the emergency room of a good hospital--or the best you can find--and voluntarily admit yourself. You'll shoot right to the top of the priority list to get help.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

... but depending on other circumstances I might even decide to ctb earlier.

What are those circumstances? This is obviously the reason that makes you suicidal.

Unless these circumstances can be changed/eliminated or you find a way to 100% cope with them they will still make you suicidal. Do you believe someone else (or a stay in a ward) can fix them?

 

[MathConspiracy]

This is an unpopular opinion but if you want to live, even just a little, you should either seek help or wait for it to worsen until you feel nothing. But if you're sure that you're going to kill yourself and are completely fine with that idea, don't reveal it to anyone. Most people simply don't understand. I don't know where you live but there's a good chance they might lock you up. If you still feel like fessing up, you should see this thread for tips to avoid hospitalization:

How to be honest without ending in a ward?

So how can u tell ur psychologist ur planning or ur not sure on ending yourself when u get home in a week without ending up in a psychiatric ward / hospital?

sanctionedsuicide.site

 

[Decadent Snake]

What are those circumstances? This is obviously the reason that makes you suicidal.

Unless these circumstances can be changed/eliminated or you find a way to 100% cope with them they will still make you suicidal. Do you believe someone else (or a stay in a ward) can fix them?

You do bring up a good point. My circumstances are mainly my undiagnosed chronic DPDR, ADHD, and possibly C-PTSD. i don't have enough money to go and get diagnosed either, and heard that it takes ages to even be assessed. As well, my coursework can get pretty unbearable at times. For now, I can't really change or cope with any of them properly (except for SH but lately even that hasn't been enough).

But I do have a tiny smidge of hope that maybe one day, I'll find the right therapist or person and slowly heal but that sounds pretty unrealistic :,)

This is an unpopular opinion but if you want to live, even just a little, you should either seek help or wait for it to worsen until you feel nothing. But if you're sure that you're going to kill yourself and are completely fine with that idea, don't reveal it to anyone. Most people simply don't understand. I don't know where you live but there's a good chance they might lock you up. If you still feel like fessing up, you should see this thread for tips to avoid hospitalization:

How to be honest without ending in a ward?

So how can u tell ur psychologist ur planning or ur not sure on ending yourself when u get home in a week without ending up in a psychiatric ward / hospital?

sanctionedsuicide.site

This was super helpful, thank you

 

[whywere]

If you feel safe and overall have a feeling that she would just listen and give advice, I say go for it.

I went to a junior college (2-year college) when I went to college because I was 24 and also the money aspect and my 1st year there, I had a professor who was so kind, nice and cool and I finally went to his office one day and he could tell right off the bat that something was REALLY brothering me and he got up, closed the door and we had a VERY long talk and he helped me so very much. He kept everything to himself, and he was a blessing.

Always remember the old saying: "nothing ventured, nothing gained".

Hugs, caring thoughts to you always,

Walter

 

[Forever Sleep]

You don't necessarily need to go through your professor to seek counciling services at uni- if it's the same as mine was anyway. I made an appointment to see the therapist there without my tutors knowing. Still, if this is affecting your work then, it's probably best they do know.

Personally, I think it's worth trying. Obviously though, you may want to hold back on just how actively suicidal you feel. But, it seems like these thoughts are troubling you so presumably, it would be honest to say that you are struggling more frequently with intrusive suicidal thoughts. I think you'll need to push for this though. Maybe try to make the appointment yourself. I think people tend to think the situation has been resolved if you don't keep reminding them. Probably good that your tutor knows but, I wouldn't rely on them getting you the help/ appointment. You could say your tutor suggested it of course- if they require a referral.