SophieMakesGames
Member
- Mar 5, 2025
- 7
would it be better if I did or did not leave a note,
I know based off of past atempts and experiance that people prefer not being told generally about anything relating to suicide or suicidal thoughts or atempting or atempts, but I was wondering, should I write a note for after I'm gone?
or should it be like a person to person basis, like some people should get one others not and it just depends on the person?
and what should I even put in it, I've written one before a few times but it was just why I was doing what I was doing, and typically, it was around 7 pages (irl notebook)
I thought I shouldn't, because last time I wrote one and sent it to people before attempting, I was blocked by a few people, a few people said that they can't handle me doing that and that they can't be my firend anymore because it is just to much stress, and stuff like that, but I failed then,
if I didn't fail, would it have been better to have sent the letter? that's mostly what I'm wondering I guess...
I don't know many people irl, everyone irl always hated me and I am essentially an outcast to society :p, literally throughout all of school I only had 2 friend groups each consisting of 3 people, so 6 friends total.
and 1 was forced the other was coincadental, I felt more comfortable being around girls then boys always have I feel like a girl honestly and so I hung out with this one friend a bunch adventually she introduced me to her friend group and then I became part of it ^^ adventually I told them I was trans and they where super kind and supportive...
one time they seen scars on me and asked things and showed me things and said things that I don't realy wanna mention here but... there the only people who ever cared about me is all I can erally say...
and then my other friend group was forced cus I was the kid who never ever had friends... the teachers formed a little friend group for me, and that's how I had it, it consisted of only boys, (I am biologically male sadly) and I didn't realy like anyone in it, one of the people, actually 2, who where originally nice friends or I thought so, told me I should kill myself and that everyone hates me, obvously they fell out of the group adventually :p
anyways it started as me, L, H, let's just elave it at that I don't wanna say there full names, anyways, L and me started like, I don't really know, they just started like being mean to me and adventually we stopped hanging out and one day they told me that everyone hates me and the world would be better if I just killed myself...
which... yeah... H, however, never really bonded with me ever andw asn't really *my* friend he was more L's friend but was part of the group because of that
anyways after that H still was kinda hanging out with me ish, probably sense he was told he had to idk tbh... and adventually I met M then M became my friend with H.
then adventually H started hanging with L a ton and not with me and M and me and M formed our own little group which adventually grew to include D and S, and sometimes J
and well that was nice i guess it was a friend group that wasn't forced but I kinda hated D ever sense kindergarden, I didn't like the type of person he was I guess, like the jerk kind of person, someone who gets happy by making others sad, he didn't nesosarally bully I think but he'd always like do things to make himself better then others or make others feel worse to make himself feel better, which I never liked.
I didn't really notice that's what it was I didn't like about him at the time but thinking about it now that is what it was that I hated about him. no one else was really like that.
then MA joined the group, and JA, and then MA and JA and me formed our own little group, and I was in 2 groups one with me and JA and MA and one with me and everyone else
but adventually JA got kicked out of the main one for being "too weird" or something (I don't understand why people are so mean) and then adventually he started being a hugeeeee dick and horrible person overall and started like getting popular, and that's crazy cus he literaly does nothing but read manga all day, and he litearlly started just ignoring us and overal being a dick, so he adventaully fell out of the friend group with me and MA as well
I never felt part of the big group, I kind of accidently found my way there via being a refugee ig lol, like it never felt like *my* friends it felt like it had to be even tho it wasn't *tenciually* forced like the first, it still happened *because* the first which was forced.
anyways on our own I wasn't friends with any of the people anymore other then MA, and maybe M but we never talked he was just nice to me,
but then the other friend greoup with S, and T, that one stayed for a long time we even went over to each others houses sometimes and sang and played realy nice games and I really really miss them...
we called ourselves the 3 S's which confused people sense my elgal name starts with a C or an A if you go by my middle, but I had a prefered name cus I'm trans that was "Sophie" and so it made sense to us and we thoguth ti was funny idk... and also T had a name that had a S at the begining I think and so it was 3 S's
the only place I had ever felt genuinly happy and like myself was with them they understood me I understood them we liked the same things talked about things for HOURS and had so much fun, I loved the way they even played with my hair to "fluff" it too, which sounds weird but no one has ever "fluffed" my hair sense
anyways, as you can expect, from every childhood story, we had to split :p
everyone either moved, graduated, or like something else.
we tried staying in touch I guess but we couldn't idk why...
now I have no one, no one irl, I have people online, about 17 people, and I keep being told that I shouldn't care about anyone online that they are "just pixels on a screen" and stuff so that means they don't count which means I have no one and I'ma lone ...
so leaving a note wouldn't even really matter would it? no one would even read it except for the people who find me right? so wouldn'yt it just be better to not?
I think maybe I should write one for my brothers, my sister when she gets older, and my bestest friend (who I actually met on here) asnd tha'ts it... but I don't even know if I should do that...
and if online people count, even then, like I said it's only around 17 people, and out of those only about 4 actually talk to me, and out of those only 2 have connection with me. no one else can stand me or wants to be around me, everoyne in my entire life, family, online, irl, or otherwise, has left me, I have no one, and I don't deserve anyone, it's how it is.
"friends come and go" I've been told countless times, it doesn't help,
and isn't the point either, to those who are elft, should I leave a note, or just vanish, and tot hose irl, would it be better to find me without a note or with a note, would it make them feel better to know why and so on, or would it be better for me to just go, I don't know anymore.
for me I'd prefer knowing but my oppinions are obvously not valid as I'm essentailly an alien from another planet or better yet universe.
so what should I do?
I know based off of past atempts and experiance that people prefer not being told generally about anything relating to suicide or suicidal thoughts or atempting or atempts, but I was wondering, should I write a note for after I'm gone?
or should it be like a person to person basis, like some people should get one others not and it just depends on the person?
and what should I even put in it, I've written one before a few times but it was just why I was doing what I was doing, and typically, it was around 7 pages (irl notebook)
I thought I shouldn't, because last time I wrote one and sent it to people before attempting, I was blocked by a few people, a few people said that they can't handle me doing that and that they can't be my firend anymore because it is just to much stress, and stuff like that, but I failed then,
if I didn't fail, would it have been better to have sent the letter? that's mostly what I'm wondering I guess...
I don't know many people irl, everyone irl always hated me and I am essentially an outcast to society :p, literally throughout all of school I only had 2 friend groups each consisting of 3 people, so 6 friends total.
and 1 was forced the other was coincadental, I felt more comfortable being around girls then boys always have I feel like a girl honestly and so I hung out with this one friend a bunch adventually she introduced me to her friend group and then I became part of it ^^ adventually I told them I was trans and they where super kind and supportive...
one time they seen scars on me and asked things and showed me things and said things that I don't realy wanna mention here but... there the only people who ever cared about me is all I can erally say...
and then my other friend group was forced cus I was the kid who never ever had friends... the teachers formed a little friend group for me, and that's how I had it, it consisted of only boys, (I am biologically male sadly) and I didn't realy like anyone in it, one of the people, actually 2, who where originally nice friends or I thought so, told me I should kill myself and that everyone hates me, obvously they fell out of the group adventually :p
anyways it started as me, L, H, let's just elave it at that I don't wanna say there full names, anyways, L and me started like, I don't really know, they just started like being mean to me and adventually we stopped hanging out and one day they told me that everyone hates me and the world would be better if I just killed myself...
which... yeah... H, however, never really bonded with me ever andw asn't really *my* friend he was more L's friend but was part of the group because of that
anyways after that H still was kinda hanging out with me ish, probably sense he was told he had to idk tbh... and adventually I met M then M became my friend with H.
then adventually H started hanging with L a ton and not with me and M and me and M formed our own little group which adventually grew to include D and S, and sometimes J
and well that was nice i guess it was a friend group that wasn't forced but I kinda hated D ever sense kindergarden, I didn't like the type of person he was I guess, like the jerk kind of person, someone who gets happy by making others sad, he didn't nesosarally bully I think but he'd always like do things to make himself better then others or make others feel worse to make himself feel better, which I never liked.
I didn't really notice that's what it was I didn't like about him at the time but thinking about it now that is what it was that I hated about him. no one else was really like that.
then MA joined the group, and JA, and then MA and JA and me formed our own little group, and I was in 2 groups one with me and JA and MA and one with me and everyone else
but adventually JA got kicked out of the main one for being "too weird" or something (I don't understand why people are so mean) and then adventually he started being a hugeeeee dick and horrible person overall and started like getting popular, and that's crazy cus he literaly does nothing but read manga all day, and he litearlly started just ignoring us and overal being a dick, so he adventaully fell out of the friend group with me and MA as well
I never felt part of the big group, I kind of accidently found my way there via being a refugee ig lol, like it never felt like *my* friends it felt like it had to be even tho it wasn't *tenciually* forced like the first, it still happened *because* the first which was forced.
anyways on our own I wasn't friends with any of the people anymore other then MA, and maybe M but we never talked he was just nice to me,
but then the other friend greoup with S, and T, that one stayed for a long time we even went over to each others houses sometimes and sang and played realy nice games and I really really miss them...
we called ourselves the 3 S's which confused people sense my elgal name starts with a C or an A if you go by my middle, but I had a prefered name cus I'm trans that was "Sophie" and so it made sense to us and we thoguth ti was funny idk... and also T had a name that had a S at the begining I think and so it was 3 S's
the only place I had ever felt genuinly happy and like myself was with them they understood me I understood them we liked the same things talked about things for HOURS and had so much fun, I loved the way they even played with my hair to "fluff" it too, which sounds weird but no one has ever "fluffed" my hair sense
anyways, as you can expect, from every childhood story, we had to split :p
everyone either moved, graduated, or like something else.
we tried staying in touch I guess but we couldn't idk why...
now I have no one, no one irl, I have people online, about 17 people, and I keep being told that I shouldn't care about anyone online that they are "just pixels on a screen" and stuff so that means they don't count which means I have no one and I'ma lone ...
so leaving a note wouldn't even really matter would it? no one would even read it except for the people who find me right? so wouldn'yt it just be better to not?
I think maybe I should write one for my brothers, my sister when she gets older, and my bestest friend (who I actually met on here) asnd tha'ts it... but I don't even know if I should do that...
and if online people count, even then, like I said it's only around 17 people, and out of those only about 4 actually talk to me, and out of those only 2 have connection with me. no one else can stand me or wants to be around me, everoyne in my entire life, family, online, irl, or otherwise, has left me, I have no one, and I don't deserve anyone, it's how it is.
"friends come and go" I've been told countless times, it doesn't help,
and isn't the point either, to those who are elft, should I leave a note, or just vanish, and tot hose irl, would it be better to find me without a note or with a note, would it make them feel better to know why and so on, or would it be better for me to just go, I don't know anymore.
for me I'd prefer knowing but my oppinions are obvously not valid as I'm essentailly an alien from another planet or better yet universe.
so what should I do?
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