Should i kill myself?

[nondvcordvco]

I am a young Brazilian of 20 years, without the slightest pleasure in living. I study computer engineering at the University of São Paulo, the best of Brazil, but I don't feel proud or special. I can't think of anything but suicide these past few weeks. I am very lonely; I never had any friends. Waking up every day is a curse; I hate life and i regret my birth. There are few things that keep me from killing myself. I love literature and music. I would like to write literary, philosophical works and produce songs. I have written some essays and literary texts; the people I introduced liked it a lot. I also presented to them some excerpts of musical composition of my own; I also got a positive response. I want to leave a work before I die, but I don't feel like doing anything at all; I have no reason to live, if living is meaningless suffering. Am I supposed to kill myself later this year?

 

[Zegers]

You are the only one who can answer that.

Good luck.

 

[Darkover]

idk thats something you need to decide for your self doesn't sound like you've had to bad of a life so far computer engineering is a good subject to learn logic gates and all, just sounds like you have depression and are lonely

 

[Zegers]

Waking up every day is a curse

I feel you, every day I wake up it's like... this shit again... by the way, how is it possible not to have friends in br? this place seems so friendly.

 

[jimmy7754]

I'd push through.. your in college and you got a good major.. But that's just my two cents.

 

[nondvcordvco]

I feel you, every day I wake up it's like... this shit again... by the way, how is it possible not to have friends in br? this place seems so friendly.

hahaha. It's not that hard. beyond the "happy beaches and people dancing" stereotype, we have a lot of problems. Brazil is a very violent and depressed country. In high school, i always was that lonely guy, without friends. They just don't care. I have some "friends", but everything is too superficial; they are more like my classmates than my friends.
Personally, i feel "wrong". Everyone does not have problems to socialize, make friends etc. I never could done this. It's like i was cursed to be alone.

I'd push through.. your in college and you got a good major.. But that's just my two cents.

well, i don't think that my financial life will be a trouble; i know that, in some years, im gonna have a pretty good life, in terms of money. Specially considering that the public university in Brazil is 100% free.
But, beyond this, i don't feel happy; rich or not, i can't deal with my Loneliness and depression.

 

[DarkRocket]

I am a young Brazilian of 20 years, without the slightest pleasure in living. I study computer engineering at the University of São Paulo, the best of Brazil, but I don't feel proud or special. I can't think of anything but suicide these past few weeks. I am very lonely; I never had any friends. Waking up every day is a curse; I hate life and i regret my birth. There are few things that keep me from killing myself. I love literature and music. I would like to write literary, philosophical works and produce songs. I have written some essays and literary texts; the people I introduced liked it a lot. I also presented to them some excerpts of musical composition of my own; I also got a positive response. I want to leave a work before I die, but I don't feel like doing anything at all; I have no reason to live, if living is meaningless suffering. Am I supposed to kill myself later this year?

You have a great major, you can make a lot of money someday. I know Brazil has some severe problems, but if you make a lot of money doing something you enjoy, it may not be so bad. You state that you're lonely, do you feel unattractive or are you just shy? If you're just shy, you can overcome that.

You may not have it so bad. However, I'm speaking as someone who is 38 and kind of broke in America. I've never had a problem attracting friends, for some reason. But for the last 5 years I've had bad financial problems, and a college major that's worthless. So in some ways, I see your situation as somewhat hopeful, if you can try to be patient. Once you get a nice apartment, perhaps many of those problems with loneliness will go away. I know money doesn't buy happiness, but you have better hope than many in the world, for your college study and major alone.

 

[Zegers]

It's like i was cursed to be alone

I understand what you say. In some way i feel cursed too, it's rare but it's the way I feel, i see how life for some people is so simple and for me everything is so complicated. I don't know man, this shitty life is tangled.

 

[Arrow]

sounds like you have talents and you picked a really good major. if i was in your position (knowing what little about you i know through your post), i probably wouldn't rope. if loneliness is the big issue then try connecting with people at school/in classes. it can be pretty hard but if it helps i would recommend giving it a try.

 

[bed]

Only you can decide but I strongly suggest you exhaust options in trying to get better (whatever that may look like for you) before deciding suicide is the best option to pursue.

 

[Niente]

You are the only one who can make such a decision. Maybe you will find solace in writing and music. Both can be powerful things and if you have that talent why not explore it for a time and see if your journey may change.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

That is not a question that we can answer for you. However, I would suggest that if you are seeking advice on the issue, then you are possibly not ready yet.

 

[Conker]

Well, on the bright side none of us have more than 8 years left on this surface.
Though I get it, the exhaustion can become overwhelming..

Rather check out early than ride out the remainder of my prison sentence.
No point anyways if chronic physical pain prevents me from it all.

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[Seeking_Peace]

?

 

[xo777]

We don't know if you should or not. It's a very personal decision and it's up to only you to decide if you want to leave or not.

 

[Sakura94]

no

 

[SadVegan]

I also wouldn't like to leave this fucking horrible autodestructive world without doing some altruism such as activism specially antinatalist activism besides vegan activism. Those are the few reasons why, in some way, im trying to put myself together. I just dropped out of college two days ago, im almost your age in a couple of months. Ill be trying to access a public school, if i end up failing it... I guess it will be over.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

thats your personal decision but in my opinion no. you still young, have a good future and a good degree, your life has a good chance of improving .

 

[Forever Sleep]

I hope you can find meaning in creativity. Being creative has been my crutch throughout life. You can loose yourself in it.

Regarding loneliness. Yeah, it's tough. I'm probably naturally a loner and most of the time, it doesn't consciously bother me that much- although I think it probably isn't that great for my mental health.

I would say that it takes effort to form and keep friendships though. A friend once said to me- you need to 'work' as hard on your social life as you do your career.

For me- my social anxiety far outweighs my loneliness, so I've kind of become comfortable and complacent actually avoiding people.

Guess it depends on why you feel like you have no friends. If it's shyness- then, yeah- I absolutely sympathise. Anything 'outright' social would seem unbearable to me- clubs, pubs etc. Although I think an evening class or something similar sounds more appealing- where there are people to mix with but the focus is on something else. Can you try and mix more with the people at your college? Think shared interests help in talking to people.

I'm sure that there are plenty of ways to get better socially but I suspect they all take effort and may feel uncomfortable at first. Guess it just depends on whether you are willing to try.

Regarding suicide- it's such a personal thing. I suspect we're all on here because we are seriously considering it as an option but it's a decision only you can make. Personally, I don't think it's anyone's place to say what makes a good or bad reason to do it. It's up to the individual. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course only you know if suicide is the right thing for yourself. You are the only one who is living your life after all. I also hate living and wish that I never existed at all. I'm sorry that you are in this situation. This life really is so depressing. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Klo]

If you have to ask then no you shouldn't.

 

[london3]

I think only you can decide if it your time to go or not. You are very young and you did mention that you do get some please from music etc. Once you have graduated you will have more time to mix with people and work on loneliness.

But it seems like you are hesitant so i would definitely give yourself time to think and actually work on any issues you have.

 

[nondvcordvco]

sounds like you have talents and you picked a really good major. if i was in your position (knowing what little about you i know through your post), i probably wouldn't rope. if loneliness is the big issue then try connecting with people at school/in classes. it can be pretty hard but if it helps i would recommend giving it a try.

thank you. I will reconsider.

Of course only you know if suicide is the right thing for yourself. You are the only one who is living your life after all. I also hate living and wish that I never existed at all. I'm sorry that you are in this situation. This life really is so depressing. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

Existence is just suffering. Thank you for the words!

I think only you can decide if it your time to go or not. You are very young and you did mention that you do get some please from music etc. Once you have graduated you will have more time to mix with people and work on loneliness.

But it seems like you are hesitant so i would definitely give yourself time to think and actually work on any issues you have.

thanks. I will think about it

 

[Lost in a Dream]

There have been so many good responses here already that I don't want to repeat them, so I'll just say this: When you're truly ready to do it, you'll just know and there won't be any need to ask for our opinions. Since you're still 20, you might still have a chance to go somewhere in life, so I think you owe it to yourself to try, at the very least.

If you're still here 5 or 10 years later and it doesn't seem like you've gotten anywhere, then at least you can say you gave it your best shot. If you still want to end your life then, it's totally up to you, but it would be really tragic if you did it right now when there was still a chance for you to have a good life.

 

[Idontcare0]

I am a young Brazilian of 20 years, without the slightest pleasure in living. I study computer engineering at the University of São Paulo, the best of Brazil, but I don't feel proud or special. I can't think of anything but suicide these past few weeks. I am very lonely; I never had any friends. Waking up every day is a curse; I hate life and i regret my birth. There are few things that keep me from killing myself. I love literature and music. I would like to write literary, philosophical works and produce songs. I have written some essays and literary texts; the people I introduced liked it a lot. I also presented to them some excerpts of musical composition of my own; I also got a positive response. I want to leave a work before I die, but I don't feel like doing anything at all; I have no reason to live, if living is meaningless suffering. Am I supposed to kill myself later this year?

I was talking this week to someone I care for, someone who was on the edge. She is intelligent and caring. And I told her some people have nothing. Physically unattractive, unintelligent, no future, no real potential for a good life, and they hang there for awhile just to make sure.

I haven't posted much, and I'm not going to go against the grain. I think people should be able to choose when to go, weighed against the harm that could cause to others.

But you just seem intelligent and have a lot of potential that other people don't.

If you want to talk about having no friends, that's me lol. But that's just one area of my life. Even though the other areas for me keep crumbling one by one, I keep trying to hold onto what's left.

You want to ctb? Make sure nothing is left. And then wait a bit to be sure.