Venting Should i just accept life and live?

[Too_Many_Years]

Late 30s and ive felt this way since I was 15. Failed attempts in the past. Scared I will fail again if i try. People rely on me but I'm broken. I have been for ages. Torn between just living for others and not hurting them or doing something for me.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

You live life for yourself not others. Like you, I was broken a long time ago, life does indeed suck.

 

[LukaParrot]

Give yourself a chance... +10 years.... late 30s you can still have a good life... If you can.... a new job, new people, a fresh try can help a lot. Some people may seen friends but can be a bad influence.

 

[divinemistress87]

Im late 30s to depressed since I was 15 also

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

It's going to have to be up to you. Nobody can tell you if you should die or live, but ultimately you need to feel the purpose you choose to have in life is fulfilling enough.

 

[Permanoir]

I think you should live for others as a motivation to actually continue living (if you want to) not to live for others because it's some type of obligation. You have the final say

 

[cotton]

Late 30s and ive felt this way since I was 15. Failed attempts in the past. Scared I will fail again if i try. People rely on me but I'm broken. I have been for ages. Torn between just living for others and not hurting them or doing something for me.

Yepp

 

[sunsetting]

You must really love the ones who rely on you else you'd have snapped before. No one deserves to be in this situation as you're not even living at all it's just torture and it's eating you from the inside.

 

[nomoredolor]

Late 30s and ive felt this way since I was 15. Failed attempts in the past. Scared I will fail again if i try. People rely on me but I'm broken. I have been for ages. Torn between just living for others and not hurting them or doing something for me.

You don't have to make a decision right now. You can take it one day at a time and tell yourself that each additional day you live is a gift from you to your loved ones. Even if you do end up Ctb someday you will have gifted them additional days.
Anna

 

[FuneralCry]

Trying to die going wrong is also what I'd fear, it's just so cruel to me how such could happen, I understand feeling so tired of suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel in a similar position except, no previous attempts. 44 now, ideation since I was 10.

I know for me that I can't do it to my Dad. Not that he relies on me financially (I alone struggle to rely on me financially!) but emotionally, I don't feel like I could do it to him.

I think it has to depend on how you feel though. Whether you feel like you can go on. For now, I do (just) but- that could change.

If you know in your heart that you're stuck here though, then I think you need to find ways to make it more bearable if you can. Longer- term that is. Not quick fixes that help in the moment but, hurt longer term.

I found myself being strict with exercising most of the year. Even though I detest it while I'm doing it, it helped me physically and mentally. I know it's something I'm going to have to force myself to do again soon. Are there things you think you could do to make life more tolerable?