Help Should I go?

[Rachel74]

For the last few weeks and definitely since the summer I've wanted to leave my home. I still love my partner but the situation is making me ill and I need alone time. I've 2 places to look at this week that are local and take dogs. I feel selfish doing this but also find him selfish too. He's no understanding of my illness and I feel he puts his activities first like diving and mountaineering.
I don't know what to do but right now I need to do something before I act on impulse and do something stupid.

 

[LonelyLight]

Take all the space you need. I don't think it's at all selfish. If your partner loves you, he will give you that breathing space and respect it.
My partner is extremely selfish too. He expects me to do everything and more while he sits on his gaming system. And I have zero right to complain.
I've been staying away Monday to Friday and staying in his friday night to Sunday. The space is nice at times. I'd rather be together all the time tho but just get too angry at his lack of giving a damn about anything when we are.
Annnnnd that turned into a mini rant, sorry.

 

[Rachel74]

Well I'm looking at a flat tomorrow and I'll go from there. He could see tonight how harassed I was.
I'm sorry you are going through the same

 

[Stan]

I think finding your own space can be very useful. If it's making you ill, I think you have answered your own question Rachel. However will your partner see it as the end of the relationship as its a significant step backwards? You might need to reassure them and be honest as much as you can and tell him this will make the time you share together even more special.

 

[BPD_LE]

Do what's best for you. If it's making you ill to stay then go. Some time alone with the dogs will do you the world of good. Maybe even a fresh start if that's what you want.

 

[Sweet emotion]

You're the only person who has to live your life so you have to do what makes you happy and don't think of it as selfish. If you can't be good to yourself no one else is going to be. You have to lead by example and show others that you matter.

 

[Rachel74]

I think my partner would see it as an end to the relationship as he can be a bit needy.
I viewed the place this afternoon and it's an old dairy with so much character. I was very honest with the owner who said take your time I won't be advertising unless you say no.
I've never really lived on my own before. I wish my mom was still around to advise me. Fuck, Fuck, fuckery.
I definitely need respite somewhere x

 

[Stan]

I used to have a philosophy of actually 'go for something' realise it might have been a mistake rather than let it slip by and regret not doing it. Just communicate clearly and honestly with your partner that its good for you and the relationship. Living on your own is way different. Sometimes the solitude is essential, but it can also bring bad habits.

 

[melancholy]

Your partner should be understanding and willing to work with you and the way you feel.
Maybe be honest with him and hope he understands as it seems to be causing you significant stress.
Good luck and remember to try and look out for yourself.

 

[Rachel74]

I used to have a philosophy of actually 'go for something' realise it might have been a mistake rather than let it slip by and regret not doing it. Just communicate clearly and honestly with your partner that its good for you and the relationship. Living on your own is way different. Sometimes the solitude is essential, but it can also bring bad habits.

The only bad habits it would bring is sleeping all the time which i do at home when I'm not working. I think I need it and can afford to do it but not at the cost of losing him.

 

[Stan]

I think I need it and can afford to do it but not at the cost of losing him.

I can only suggest a real conversation with him Rachel. I would advise writing things down on a piece of paper that you want to say. Sometimes emotional conversations for me give me a blank memory and everything I want to say goes out the window.

 

[Rachel74]

I can only suggest a real conversation with him Rachel. I would advise writing things down on a piece of paper that you want to say. Sometimes emotional conversations for me give me a blank memory and everything I want to say goes out the window.

Thank you Stan, I will do that. Then suggest things like date night etc so he knows I still want to see him.

 

[Stan]

Then suggest things like date night etc so he knows I still want to see him.

I think that is brilliant! A great suggestion

 

[throwaway1111]

I agree with the others. If you feel the need for space, you should definitely go and get it.

 

[sleepy dog]

Rachel, if you have never lived on your own before, you should try it some time. I don't know if now is the time though. Maybe you will love it. It sounds like a house. I would love to be renting a house instead of this place I have right now. Maybe you will like it, then invite him to live there with you. I have seen where a couple is living make a huge difference in their relationship, good and bad.

 

[Stan]

For the last few weeks and definitely since the summer I've wanted to leave my home. I still love my partner but the situation is making me ill and I need alone time. I've 2 places to look at this week that are local and take dogs. I feel selfish doing this but also find him selfish too. He's no understanding of my illness and I feel he puts his activities first like diving and mountaineering.
I don't know what to do but right now I need to do something before I act on impulse and do something stupid.

Did you make a decision Rachel?

 

[Rachel74]

Did you make a decision Rachel?

Crisis have suggested respite for me. I looked into it and if they can get me in somewhere near where I live so I can see my dogs then yes I'm going for it.
The closest they have is Exmouth which is too far so she's going to keep looking, give her her due she's pretty spot on and as been amazing. Not once have I ever said that about any support worker.