Should i feel guily?

[Deathiswelcomed]

..should I feel guilty? I feel very guilty and disgusted with myself I feel incredibly selfish I have a bf who is 3 years older than me he means a lot to me. He is enough for me really he is all I have. Though I cant stand living anymore. Its an online relationship that will hopefully turn into an irl relationship in about a year or less. I genuinely do love him but i dont think I can stay alive and thats selfish of me no? I am told im selfish for wanting to die for thinking about it for not being happy in the situation i am in. I know I am grateful for the things I have and get but.. its hard to stay happy. I havent been happy in a long time.

(Sorry for the rambling whoever is reading this)

Back to the question at hand am I selfish for wanting to die? No matter what happens I feel horrible because I even thought about this. But with everything that has happened and will continue to happen until I move out. I just genuinely cant live like this anymore. I know many see it as a cowards way out. A way not to deal with problems. Or even attention seeking. But im not looking for sympathy im not looking for empathy im not looking for attention or anything I just want to be able to rest and have some form of peace. Though I may be selfish for that..

 

[PainThreshold]

It's up to you honestly, people on this forum won't judge. But the consequences is there, regardless whether or not it's your responsibility.

 

[SASU-KE]

No, you're not selfish. Try to be as happy as you can till the time comes. If that means being in a relationship so be it.For some of us, only death will let us be in peace.

I have everything I could possibly want and all I want to do is die.Every day is a relentless struggle for me even if I'm just sitting on the sofa doing nothing,lol.

Till that day comes, try to squeeze as much as you can out of life. Nothing wrong in it, you're not selfish, you're just living your life.

 

[misakideath]

Personally, I believe that suicide is not selfish.

 

[kasa]

So if i understand you correctly, you feel guilty for wanting to die even though you have someone you love in your life and things might look good from the outside.

If that's what you mean, then honestly, i think those are two completely separate issues. No matter how much someone else might envy your life or think you should be happy, nobody has the right to judge the fact that you're suffering. You're the one living your life, not them.
If there's a fire, you evacuate. You don't stop and think, 'What if running out wakes people up?' If you hesitate like that, the one who burns is you
I hope you find some peace

 

[xKiraSlumberx]

Firstly I want to start off by saying that I also have a suicidal partner. They mean the whole universe to me and I would cross the world ten times over and then again for them, and give them anything that they desire. But I also understand where they are coming from and respect their decisions, and will do whatever I can to help them feel comforted and understood.
I don't think you are selfish for feeling this way. You can love someone with your whole heart and and feel like they are enough for you, yet still feel suicidal. Spend time with your bf, make memories and hold him close. Spending time together with someone you deeply love may make things just a bit easier until you have decided on whichever decision you would like to make.