Help Should I change my (real) name?

[DownwardSpiral]

So I don't like my old name very much. It makes me uncomfortable when people use it. I'm not transgender, I just liked the idea of a new name, a new identity, and recently I found one that I actually like a lot. It feels nice to actually call myself by a name that sounds comfortable and pleasant to me. I think it would be good for my recovery process. Here is where the problems come in. My parents probably wouldn't be too happy about it, but I would need to tell them soon if I want to introduce myself to people like that. Like, next week. Some events are coming up and I want to use my new identity there. It's just coming up fast and I am afraid to tell anyone. I haven't told anyone in my real life about it yet. My friends would probably be more accepting than my parents, but it still feels scary. I'm not sure they would get it.

I'm also not sure if it's even a good name for me that I picked. What if other people don't see that name as fitting for me at all? What if they say my old name is better? What if I change my mind and think it's stupid later? I don't think I will because I feel pretty good about it, but who knows. Also what if I find a name I like even better later? Changing my name more than once would feel ridiculous. Lastly there is the legal problems. I need a few hundred dollars to change it in my area, so I would like to have my parents support for that, but they might not agree. I'd just have to do it myself then. It's a hell of a process going through everything to change it, I watched a video and it's so much work. I don't like doing all that legal paperwork/documents stuff. But I feel like I should do it anyways because it would be better for me in the end.

So I guess: Should I just go for it all in right away? Or should I keep using my old name for a little and get more opinions and wait things out to see how I feel? I know it would backfire if I only half-commit and try to use my old name sometimes and my new name other times, I need to decide. If only my parents gave me a nice name I actually liked >:(

 

[Theresnoescape]

I think you should go with whatever makes YOU feel good.

I'm sure if your family and friends can see an improvement in your life by using your new name, they won't mind it.

I personally think not many people like their birth name, maybe because it's just another thing we didn't have a choice in.

Do what makes you feel good.

Good luck.

 

[violetforever]

I'm also not sure if it's even a good name for me that I picked. What if other people don't see that name as fitting for me at all? What if they say my old name is better? What if I change my mind and think it's stupid later? I don't think I will because I feel pretty good about it, but who knows. Also what if I find a name I like even better later? Changing my name more than once would feel ridiculous.

ive made people flip flop through nicknames/my full name over the years until i realized i prefer my full name but dont mind specific nicknames so i say just do it. get used to people not remembering and messing it up sometimes which is annoying but inevitable as they arent familiarized to it. its not ridiculous at all to want to try something out that will make you feel more comfortable, especially for recovery <3 maybe try it out with strangers for a while to see how it fits before introducing it and making it permanent with friends/family/other people in your daily life.

 

[sinnrr-sistrr]

When changing your name it may be easier to start with the people closest to you to try it out, like with your friends. It doesn't have to be all at once, make those changes gradually! I have a feeling that getting that first validation from people calling you by a chosen name will make the choice for you.

Best of luck! <3

 

[Theresnoescape]

ive made people flip flop through nicknames/my full name over the years until i realized i prefer my full name but dont mind specific nicknames so i say just do it. get used to people not remembering and messing it up sometimes which is annoying but inevitable as they arent familiarized to it. its not ridiculous at all to want to try something out that will make you feel more comfortable, especially for recovery <3 maybe try it out with strangers for a while to see how it fits before introducing it and making it permanent with friends/family/other people in your daily life.

Trying it out with strangers is a good idea, they can't make the inevitable mistakes family/friends may make

 

[Abacab]

If you like the new name, it shouldn't matter if others think it "doesn't fit" or whatever - frankly, they'd be assholes to pick on you for that. I'll say that if you really want to change your name and don't like the one given to you on birth, totally go for it.

I've legally changed my name years ago. I didn't like my birth name since I was a child, and was known by a nickname in nearly every circle, so what sparked me changing it was a job opportunity where I would have to sign my name on every task and that would build up a portfolio. I decided I'd get it legally changed for real so that I'd have all that work signed under a name I identified myself better with. That's why I'd encourage anyone on the fence about it - it really made me feel way better not being tied to a name I didn't really like.

 

[whywere]

I always say the same thing on something like this: do what makes YOU happy, NOT anyone else including your parents.

Case in point, it is all over this site about my childhood and how everything went down the tubes the day after my 18th birthday.

Guess what, my "parents" never ever wanted to speak or see me again ever, 100% their choice, HOWEVER, it got back to them that I was contemplating changing my last name and they hated the idea! Like say what?

After looking into it, I am in the U.S. and employment and the like would have taken a hit, so I dd not.

BUT everyone should do and be themselves and NOT what anyone else thinks or puts up to the mirror ever.

Hugs to you and take enough time thinking about it, so down the road of life, more than likely a person would still come to the same conclusion.

Walter

 

[EmptyBottle]

I always say the same thing on something like this: do what makes YOU happy, NOT anyone else including your parents.

Case in point, it is all over this site about my childhood and how everything went down the tubes the day after my 18th birthday.

Guess what, my "parents" never ever wanted to speak or see me again ever, 100% their choice, HOWEVER, it got back to them that I was contemplating changing my last name and they hated the idea! Like say what?

After looking into it, I am in the U.S. and employment and the like would have taken a hit, so I dd not.

BUT everyone should do and be themselves and NOT what anyone else thinks or puts up to the mirror ever.

Hugs to you and take enough time thinking about it, so down the road of life, more than likely a person would still come to the same conclusion.

Walter

Good advice, I'm curious if ur name was changed between birth and now.

Also, congratulations on 4,000 posts!