Venting Sharing how you feel with people in your life... (up to 3 votes in poll)

[IfyouareamanWinston]

When you share how you feel like ending it, no mater how they react, it always results in a divide. Then they walk on eggshells around you until they become resentful or you just get straight up alienation form the get go.

I would talk to my family but I know how they would just feel resentful I am putting that on them and not 'being strong' or whatever because 'everyone has problems'.
Sure they would try to help me but at the cost of everything, my dignity, my value in their eyes and even being able to at least have a real conversation with them about less heavy topics.


I would love to hear your experiences when you told someone.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I told people before my first attempt, which was in my teenage years. I picked "indifferent" from the list - no one took me seriously, out of three people I told two pretty much said the "my life is hard too" thing. The teacher I spoke to pretty much said that life sucks for everyone but no one is killing themselves (because...?) and then changed the subject to a long and winded story of all the obstacles she overcame in her life of the "when I was your age I used to walk 5 miles to school during snowstorms and sharknados and fought a grizzly bear on my way" variety. My classmate just said "yeah, I'm sad too" and changed the subject to her romantic misfortunes. And my mother laughed and said "yeah, all teenagers are so dramatic, I heard your cousin tried to kill himself over something stupid too, of course he chickened out before he did any real damage, but my sister freaked out so much, LOL".
I imagine reaction would be somewhat different for an adult, especially with previous attempts and/or diagnosed mental health issues, but for me my first attempt to talk to someone was the reason I never tried talking to anyone again, because I was never able to shake off the feeling that even if people will react differently on superficial level because I am a grown up, deep down they still don't give a shit and would not take me seriously until I'm in a casket.
I might be wrong though. People are different, after all.

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

I told people before my first attempt, which was in my teenage years. I picked "indifferent" from the list - no one took me seriously, out of three people I told two pretty much said the "my life is hard too" thing. The teacher I spoke to pretty much said that life sucks for everyone but no one is killing themselves (because...?) and then changed the subject to a long and winded story of all the obstacles she overcame in her life of the "when I was your age I used to walk 5 miles to school during snowstorms and sharknados and fought a grizzly bear on my way" variety. My classmate just said "yeah, I'm sad too" and changed the subject to her romantic misfortunes. And my mother laughed and said "yeah, all teenagers are so dramatic, I heard your cousin tried to kill himself over something stupid too, of course he chickened out before he did any real damage, but my sister freaked out so much, LOL".
I imagine reaction would be somewhat different for an adult, especially with previous attempts and/or diagnosed mental health issues, but for me my first attempt to talk to someone was the reason I never tried talking to anyone again, because I was never able to shake off the feeling that even if people will react differently on superficial level because I am a grown up, deep down they still don't give a shit and would not take me seriously until I'm in a casket.
I might be wrong though. People are different, after all.

You are not wrong at all to feel that way. That is so cringe for your teacher to react that way too. Parents are the one that screwed us up usually but teacher should have some level of professionalism at least .

 

[peaches]

I have never felt that anyone believe me. And the list that you provided, reflects all the reasons that people never believed me. They are in denial or it's too inconvenient to believe me or too much of a hassle.
Maybe they have a stereotype of what a S person look like or how they should be.
We all know we have to be very careful saying anything to so-called helping professionals because they have the ability to lock us up. And unless you want to be locked up, don't go there.
I have danced around the subject with professionals but I can tell that I'm making them very uncomfortable. Their license and livelihood immediately become bigger than caring for me.
I have always felt that the only way anyone we believe me is by ctb.
I would like to find a simple, painless, non-nausea inducing, and guaranteed quick way to go.
I start to get really desperate to exit and that leads me to extreme isolation and illness.
The Swiss options are extremely labor-intensive and unfortunately require information and paperwork about me and also my spouse. It would be almost impossible to obtain the spouse information they require without tipping off my spouse that I'm going. I don't want to involve my spouse or give any heads up that I'm on my way out.
This is a particularly bad night for me and if I have a method this minute I go.
I just reread the above and I apologize for the grammatical errors. I dictate my responses and sometimes just don't have the energy to proof.

 

[Hirokami]

See, I don't even bother talking to people about my suicidal thoughts anymore. I sort of wish no one would take me seriously as I can't stand the opposite. People get pissed at me, guilt-trip me, one-up me, and give me platitudes. Just the whole nine yards. I get why their reactions are visceral, though it's tiring to not have anyone to talk to about this.

 

[hamtaro]

I chose other; I mostly receive:

• religious responses ("we all go through trials & tribulations/seasons/discipline"; "have you really accepted Jesus"; "you need to lean into God"; "you need to get into the word"; "you need to listen to uplifting music", "you'll go to hell")

• inanities ("just try to be more happy/positive/distract yourself/don't dwell/this will pass")

• unsubstantiated hope ("the doctors have to be able to do something about this")

• cures from Internet searches/what works for other people

I'm dealing with some serious medical stuff. My mom & aunt also have experienced numerous physical problems (and still do, major & minor) and God has made a way for them/they don't know where they'd be without God. (Of course, their issues are completely different from mine.)

So, from my mom: all categories above. From my aunt: mostly category 1. From my dad: a bit of categories 1 - 3, but mostly he ignores me. From my brother & other family members: mostly radio silence. From my friends: categories 2 - 4.

I could ramble on for ages, but I'm supposed to be trying to sleep now.

I sure do use the word "mostly" a lot.

 

[akirat9]

there is no one in my life. that is a fact

 

[almaranthine]

Can't realty respond to this one because I've never shared my suicidal thoughts with anyone. After my first attempt my mom and significant other at the time just sort of gleaned over it and never talked about it with me or seemed concerned. The partner was abusive and not mentally stable so I couldn't expect much from him. I was surprised and hurt by my mother though. She sort of just stopped caring for me and actually ended up kicking me out of her home whereupon I was forced to live with fucked up bf. I still can't wrap my brain around it years later.

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

Can't realty respond to this one because I've never shared my suicidal thoughts with anyone. After my first attempt my mom and significant other at the time just sort of gleaned over it and never talked about it with me or seemed concerned. The partner was abusive and not mentally stable so I couldn't expect much from him. I was surprised and hurt by my mother though. She sort of just stopped caring for me and actually ended up kicking me out of her home whereupon I was forced to live with fucked up bf. I still can't wrap my brain around it years later.

I'm sorry that happen to you. Parents doing shit hurts the most because they are the ones that should protect you :<

I chose other; I mostly receive:

• religious responses ("we all go through trials & tribulations/seasons/discipline"; "have you really accepted Jesus"; "you need to lean into God"; "you need to get into the word"; "you need to listen to uplifting music", "you'll go to hell")

• inanities ("just try to be more happy/positive/distract yourself/don't dwell/this will pass")

• unsubstantiated hope ("the doctors have to be able to do something about this")

• cures from Internet searches/what works for other people

I'm dealing with some serious medical stuff. My mom & aunt also have experienced numerous physical problems (and still do, major & minor) and God has made a way for them/they don't know where they'd be without God. (Of course, their issues are completely different from mine.)

So, from my mom: all categories above. From my aunt: mostly category 1. From my dad: a bit of categories 1 - 3, but mostly he ignores me. From my brother & other family members: mostly radio silence. From my friends: categories 2 - 4.

I could ramble on for ages, but I'm supposed to be trying to sleep now.

I sure do use the word "mostly" a lot.

I hope asking this is not intrusive so if you don't want to answer no worries. Were you brought up in a cult or like other relgious sect where you always have to participate in 'church community' stuff?

 

[Codependent loner]

The first time I opened up to my father and told him the truth… he said what the fuck are you stupid? He said what the fuck is wrong with you.? We haven't spoken since.

 

[y0dha]

I'd never tell anyone. I don't like sharing my thoughts or feelings with anyone.

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

Not intrusive at all.

I was not raised in a particularly religious environment -- sometimes went to church (Baptist) for Easter. My mom has been extremely religious (I'd put her in the "evangelical" camp) since childhood; my dad was raised Catholic, didn't want to have anything to do with church stuff until after I started regular church attendance (again, Baptist) around...2004? I was baptized in 2016 at the age of 40. Now I'm in a limbo of believing-not believing.

I live with my parents for financial reasons, which makes these reactions something I can't really avoid. I'd move, but my health went really downhill around April/May, and so they're my...caregivers?

I honestly am not sure why I'm on this site. I want to die, but accessing and going through with any of the methods are...problematic. There's a gentleman on here, for example, that has everything set up for inert gas. I so envy people like that. Wish they'd invite me along!

Ahh I see. That's unfortunate that your health is not good and you have to depend on people that treated you badly . Thank you for sharing your story.

I have never felt that anyone believe me. And the list that you provided, reflects all the reasons that people never believed me. They are in denial or it's too inconvenient to believe me or too much of a hassle.
Maybe they have a stereotype of what a S person look like or how they should be.
We all know we have to be very careful saying anything to so-called helping professionals because they have the ability to lock us up. And unless you want to be locked up, don't go there.
I have danced around the subject with professionals but I can tell that I'm making them very uncomfortable. Their license and livelihood immediately become bigger than caring for me.
I have always felt that the only way anyone we believe me is by ctb.
I would like to find a simple, painless, non-nausea inducing, and guaranteed quick way to go.
I start to get really desperate to exit and that leads me to extreme isolation and illness.
The Swiss options are extremely labor-intensive and unfortunately require information and paperwork about me and also my spouse. It would be almost impossible to obtain the spouse information they require without tipping off my spouse that I'm going. I don't want to involve my spouse or give any heads up that I'm on my way out.
This is a particularly bad night for me and if I have a method this minute I go.
I just reread the above and I apologize for the grammatical errors. I dictate my responses and sometimes just don't have the energy to proof.

I am in your same boat. I do not want to let my spouse know when it is time as his reaction will be bad and I already feel guilty as it is.


Do you mind if I ask why you are wanting to not share this with your spouse? Is their reaction been poor in the past?

 

[LittleJem]

'it gets better'
'have you thought about if it's spiritual' (this was just one young teenage shop assistant in a health food store: fuck her)
We don't want to hear it anymore (fair enough, it's been a long time!)

have you thought about the Chainsaw method! [this one is my favourite - I like that family members have accepted my suicidality enough to make jokes about it/suggestions]. The chainsaw was about £60 but I am nervous of that method.
We should spread the chainsaw method - that will draw some media attention. If only I had the painkillers and drugs to do it with!
[ps I mean media attention for the fact that we would like assisted dying as rational adults who are suffering, rather than having to agonise over methods]

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

'it gets better'
'have you thought about if it's spiritual' (this was just one young teenage shop assistant in a health food store: fuck her)
We don't want to hear it anymore (fair enough, it's been a long time!)

have you thought about the Chainsaw method! [this one is my favourite - I like that family members have accepted my suicidality enough to make jokes about it/suggestions]. The chainsaw was about £60 but I am nervous of that method.
We should spread the chainsaw method - that will draw some media attention. If only I had the painkillers and drugs to do it with!
[ps I mean media attention for the fact that we would like assisted dying as rational adults who are suffering, rather than having to agonise over methods]

I never heard of the chainsaw method but I will look into it. I am wanting to get nitrogen but you never know what might happen. Yeah I really think most people say shit like 'it gets better' as either a cope out so they don't have to deal with you or they are just so hopelessly delusional that the idea someone wants to end their life baffles them.

 

[lyles]

I've been very selective with those who know I have been suicidal. Rarely ever do I say anything in the moment. My parents took it seriously, but were adamant about me staying alive and unable to humor any justification for otherwise. Considering my mother is in the field of mental health, this tracks. Outside of therapists and my parents, I have maybe told a handful of friends when I was young. But all of those friends had similar depression/sentiments, so they could hardly navigate my issues when they were children who couldn't do so with their own. I just don't talk about it at this point, I don't know that it is possible for my brain to conceive of an existence not centered around this desire to die.

 

[Cronetappingout]

I chose other....
They usually pretend they didnt hear a word.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I mostly only tell people when I get the inclination that they feel the same way- or have done at some point in their life. In which case, their response is for the main part empathetic if not always sympathetic. Sometimes it can turn into a contest though- as to who's life is worse or who's determination to do it is stronger.

I have had a conversation that was kind of non reactive also- which was refreshing. Oddly, it was with lady who's Grandmother had ctb- so, she did have strong emotional feelings about it. She was also very intelligent though and very pro-choice, so it was interesting to kind of debate it.

I avoid telling 'normal' people though. I don't think it would be useful to either them or me.

 

[lonelyflyinginsect]

In my limited experience, unless you are are seeking help, you shouldn't dump this mountain level of information on anyone. It won't do you any good nor it would be better for the mental health of the person you are talking to.

Few months ago, I did tell it to my sister-in-law (I live with my brother and his wife, joint homes are normal for Indian families) and boy did she get resentful, not that I am blaming her (not even a single bit). Most people (not everyone is a professional shrink) will react the same way, either resentful and/or superficial.

 

[LittleJem]

I never heard of the chainsaw method but I will look into it. I am wanting to get nitrogen but you never know what might happen. Yeah I really think most people say shit like 'it gets better' as either a cope out so they don't have to deal with you or they are just so hopelessly delusional that the idea someone wants to end their life baffles them.

I think the chainsaw method would be putting the chainsaw to your throat. It woudl take guts and make a big mess. But be effective I guess.

 

[marcy2022]

Few things I was told and/or heard people say on topics related to this:
Its the cowards way to go - so cringe
What would people think - I have no words
You bring shame on us - again Im at a loss of words
Why are you so selfish - cringe
God blah blah - again so annoying
You have so much to live for - yup the famous quote which is so useless and meaningless
There's so much to life - same as the previous one
Good things are waiting just aorund the corner - you keep waiting for that to happen yet it never happens

I'm tired of this. I've walked the path. I've tried and failed misarebly. Then I was watched 24/7, only choice I had is to comply or bad things would've happened. I've tried to give it "another try". I tried talking, seeking help or whatever other idea is there that I had access to in terms of trying but no one listens, no one understands, no one cares. This "life", whatever this is, just isn't for me. Hoping to leave is the only thing that keeps me same. If I can get things right and once the preparation is done, I'll leave. Hopefully soon ......

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

Few things I was told and/or heard people say on topics related to this:
Its the cowards way to go - so cringe
What would people think - I have no words
You bring shame on us - again Im at a loss of words
Why are you so selfish - cringe
God blah blah - again so annoying
You have so much to live for - yup the famous quote which is so useless and meaningless
There's so much to life - same as the previous one
Good things are waiting just aorund the corner - you keep waiting for that to happen yet it never happens

I'm tired of this. I've walked the path. I've tried and failed misarebly. Then I was watched 24/7, only choice I had is to comply or bad things would've happened. I've tried to give it "another try". I tried talking, seeking help or whatever other idea is there that I had access to in terms of trying but no one listens, no one understands, no one cares. This "life", whatever this is, just isn't for me. Hoping to leave is the only thing that keeps me same. If I can get things right and once the preparation is done, I'll leave. Hopefully soon ......

I'm sorry that happen to you it must have been so scary. Involuntary hospitalizations is my biggest fear and a reason I avoid talking to some people about it.

 

[outrider567]

I'd never tell anyone. I don't like sharing my thoughts or feelings with anyone.

Exactly--No one will know until after I CTB, until the police call my stepmother and Patti's brother, the only 2 phone numbers the police will possess

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

I think the chainsaw method would be putting the chainsaw to your throat. It woudl take guts and make a big mess. But be effective I guess.

Yeah that seems like it would have a high risk of failure and scary too

 

[FuneralCry]

I would never share my true feelings towards life, it would only make things worse and I see it as best to just keep everything to myself. Other people cannot ever really understand as they don't experience life the same way and often opening up about how we feel can just lead to invalidation of what we go through.

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

One thing I will say is that I am surprised by the percentage of votes for genuine response. Actually gives me a little hope.

 

[Ineedtodie]

I didn't not make hints to suicide. But whenever I' m in an unbearable mindset and try to seek a friendly ear, and I' m always faced with a pragmatic and practical tone or long unconfortable silence. I always end the convo there and get back to my hell.
I don't particularly blame or resent them for their reaction. I don't even have a solution myself. It's unbearable to me. So how could they make sens of it.

 

[Lonerzepam]

When I told a friend about an attempt of mine he just said that this is gay. He didn't mean I was gay. Just suicide was gay. He said just push through life. Suicide is gay. I know that's completely delusional and insulting. But for some reason I had to laugh. Mainly of his stupidity. He changed his mindset over the time though.

 

[Ineedtodie]

I would never share my true feelings towards life, it would only make things worse and I see it as best to just keep everything to myself. Other people cannot ever really understand as they don't experience life the same way and often opening up about how we feel can just lead to invalidation of what we go through.

The invalidation is the biggest part of our suffering.

 

[DysphoriaKilledMe]

Dont think my mother wants to hear it, and i dont want to risk adding stress to my irl friend. Reality will bite them when it happens, though.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have no one to tell, but even if I did, I wouldn't tell anyone. If you're serious about ctb, tell no one. If you want help then you tell someone. That's my 2 cents.