Share your day

[Cubashii]

That's not a bad idea. I'll see what I can do about it Wednesday. Tomorrow I'll be at the office the whole day.

Awesome! Let me know how it goes!

 

[Schopenhauer]

Awesome! Let me know how it goes!

Will do!

 

[Cubashii]

Woke up.
Smoke cigarettes.
Shower.
Work.
Smoke break.
Work.
Smoke break.
Work.
Smoke break.
Work.
Sit in parking lot reading SS.
Drive home.
Sit in driveway reading SS.
Walk dog.
Smoke cigarettes.
Eat noodles.
Lay in bed listen to Last Podcast on the Left.
Sleep and wake off and on.

Put college where work is and me and you have the same day!! LOL Do you like anything like playing guitar or art? Something to switch the routine up a bit?

 

[Radaghest]

Put college where work is and me and you have the same day!! LOL Do you like anything like playing guitar or art? Something to switch the routine up a bit?

I used to paint before my husband died.
I havent enjoyed doing anything since then.
I think I went to the movies twice, maybe, since then?
But the last one I enjoyed was one I saw with him (The Revenant).

 

[Cubashii]

I used to paint before my husband died.
I havent enjoyed doing anything since then.
I think I went to the movies twice, maybe, since then?
But the last one I enjoyed was one I saw with him (The Revenant).

You could pick painting up again. Its healing. And he would want you to enjoy it again also.

 

[TooLate2582]

Go to sleep at 6am
Wake up at 830am
Screw off online until 10
Take a load of garbage and scrap to the dump
Yardwork
1.5hr Nap
Yardwork
Get ready for work
Work night shift.

 

[Cubashii]

Go to sleep at 6am
Wake up at 830am
Screw off online until 10
Take a load of garbage and scrap to the dump
Yardwork
1.5hr Nap
Yardwork
Get ready for work
Work night shift.

Yardwork is relaxing =] What kinda job do you have?

 

[TooLate2582]

Yardwork is relaxing =] What kinda job do you have?

Mechanic/maintenance

 

[Cubashii]

Mechanic/maintenance

Nice!!! I like the smell of gasolines and oils. My dad used to work on the boat all the time and that's why I like the smell. Him fixing the engines.

 

[anthomaniac]

Well today was kind of a good day, i was at my father's house this weekend, i woke up very early today and drove my little brothers to school (since they live with my father i only see them on weekends and sometimes i drive them to school on mondays) Then stayed around with my dad talking some bit, went to my partner's house and spent the rest of the morning there, later in the afternoon i took the bus to my house and i've been here just browsing SS or internet in general. Though everytime i get back here it's like everything collaps sometimes, i have a new partner but i miss my old lover so much... It's been 7 months since he left me and i have not gone a day by without thinking about him yet, it is still to painful to think about him

 

[Cubashii]

Well today was kind of a good day, i was at my father's house this weekend, i woke up very early today and drove my little brothers to school (since they live with my father i only see them on weekends and sometimes i drive them to school on mondays) Then stayed around with my dad talking some bit, went to my partner's house and spent the rest of the morning there, later in the afternoon i took the bus to my house and i've been here just browsing SS or internet in general. Though everytime i get back here it's like everything collaps sometimes, i have a new partner but i miss my old lover so much... It's been 7 months since he left me and i have not gone a day by without thinking about him yet, it is still to painful to think about him

Does he know you still think about him daily? Is the relationship fixable?

 

[anthomaniac]

Does he know you still think about him daily? Is the relationship fixable?

it's kinda difficult... The relationship between my old lover and i, sadly it's not fixable, he hasn't really spoken to me in all this time except for a few ocassions, he sometimes wants to be my friend and other times he wants me gone again, whatever he really wants remains a mystery to me. My actual partner it's not a bad person at all, he knew i still thought of my ex lover, but i didn't want to keep on hurting him, so i told him i just got over it... I can't stand to think of hurting him too

 

[starcrossedfate]

5 AM — Woke up, sweating and hyperventilating - clearly had a nightmare but can't recall details.
8 — Woke up, had another nightmare, it was about some fatal car accident with details I'd rather not elaborate on now. Decided to get out of bed.
8:01 — Fuck it, went back to bed.
9 — Took my meds, beta blockers, a SNRI, and a benzo.
10:30 — Washed up, looked at the mirror and said aloud: "Fuck you."
10:40 — First cigarette of the day.
11 — Brunch
11:40 — Second cigarette.
12 PM — Bought a six pack of the cheapest beer I could find.
12:20 — First drink of the day with more beta blockers and benzos.
Now — Really wish I were dead because tomorrow is going to be the exact same routine.

 

[Cubashii]

Focus on your new partner. Go places and make new memories with him. The more time passes the less you will think about your old partner.

 

[Cubashii]

5 AM — Woke up, sweating and hyperventilating - clearly had a nightmare but can't recall details.
8 — Woke up, had another nightmare, it was about some fatal car accident with details I'd not elaborate on now. Decided to get out of bed.
8:01 — Fuck it, went back to bed.
9 — Took my meds, beta blockers, SNRI, and a benzo.
10:30 — Washed up, looked at the mirror and said aloud: "Fuck you."
10:40 — First cigarette of the day.
11 — Brunch
11:40 — Second cigarette.
12 PM — Bought a six pack of the cheapest beer I could find.
12:20 — First drink of the day with more beta blockers and benzos.
Now — Really wish I were dead because tomorrow is going to be the exact same routine.

Mixing beer with beta blockers is gonna bring you waaaayyy down. Do you go out and hang with friends?

 

[starcrossedfate]

Mixing beer with beta blockers is gonna bring you waaaayyy down. Do you go out and hang with friends?

*takes off Jedi hood*
Friends. Now that's a concept I haven't been acquainted with in a long time. A long time.

 

[Cubashii]

*takes off Jedi hood*
Friends. Now that's a concept I haven't been acquainted with in a long time. A long time.

LMFAO!! Ive only got like two friends I see once in a blue moon. You made me crack the F*** up same humor as me!

 

[iamthezero]

Woke up from a pretty bad nightmare. The kind that takes you a while to realize its not real but still leaves you exhausted. I miss when I didn't dream at all. Got an email from the dean of student affairs requesting to see me regarding my "computer vialation of ethics"...not entirely sure what I did, shit, it could be anything. Might not go. Probably will get kicked out. College is overated and overpriced anyway. If only a degree wasnt needed to get decent pay. Brought me more pain than joy. Ive been thinking of dropping out after this semester, anyway. I'm really tired. Of everything. It seems like its something everyday. I tried to fix my life, but I ended up fucking up. I don't even know if I want to come back from it. Don't know if I can. Everything has become too much.

 

[N-IsMyHope]

Today I have arrived my home country after a very long flight. I supposed to meet up with my mom but she cancelled...
My mom failed me many times but she always has a reason(being sick). She doesn't care me that much because I'm not her favorite child. All my life, I feel unimportant. She hurt my feeling many many times. I came from the other side of the world, it's not a few hours away. We can meet another day, but she has already ruined my feeling. This trip is suck, I'm crying.

 

[StillWaiting]

Hi, I am feeling lousy already and just got back my result for a test and it was pretty bad done. Finals are coming too, I don't know how to get myself together

 

[Voldmort]

I woke up depressed and irritated at 6 in the morning to go to the shit of that college. before getting up I was late to see the ss in bed. I read a book on the way but mostly I put a frown in face and thought about death. I had to put up with a lot of happy people wanting to interact with me but all I wanted was to curse everyone. I rolled my eyes at each boring voice I had to hear by doing a textual interpretation and after 4 hours I returned on a hot day that made me dizzy. I mentally cursed everyone who looked at me.

i remembered: i bought one box of antiemetic for sn method.

 

[EpidemicOfDenial]

Anyone want to share about what has been going on with them? I will start first. I have finals coming up and it's been really hard having suicidal thoughts during class. It gets harder when I come home and I am alone in my room to the point I attempted ctb the other night. So I went and bought a Verilux happy light. Which is a therapy lamp. It helps with the seasons changing and lack of sunlight. It helps me alot. But being about to talk about how I feel without being judged is better. We all feel down almost our whole day so I thought we could share what does make us feel better even if its reading someone else's path to recovery.

I have been studying Swahili for some time now. My legs are sore from running yesterday, today I ate Kenyan pancakes in the morning, cabbage and beans for lunch, and lentils and rice for dinner.

I memorized an entire page of my Swahili notes today. I am studying vigorously now, it makes me a bit more suicidal but I'm in the least it convinces my family that I'm past my past.

I also washed my clothes by hand today with bar soap and water, it was nice.

I have constant flashbacks, I never experienced anything out of the ordinary, but life itself, without any irregular catastrophes is enough to make any honest person go insane.

My flashbacks are of school, classism, inequality & such. My solace is found in the fact that one day the sun will engulf the earth, Hawking says we must leave the earth but I'd prefer if we stay. I'm not so opposed to humans going extinct.

As for my suicide, what I believe will differentiate my third suicide attempt from my first & second is that this time I feel that I understand why. I have no doubts, no hesitations, everyone in my family believes that I am no longer suicidal, I haven't even left a trace of evidence of my past experiments, I am no longer seeking any form of attention or help.

It will especially be a shock to them because all the evidence points toward my getting better. I have lost 50 pounds (I was overweight before), now my face is more defined, my muscles are showing, I was described as muscular today. I'm studying vigorously

This is not even sad to me. I know that I'm capable, I feel I'll be successful in this third attempt, there's nothing stopping me. I am used to pain & discomfort from all the exercise & dieting, so I feel that I'll be able to ctb without hesitation.

 

[Cubashii]

Woke up from a pretty bad nightmare. The kind that takes you a while to realize its not real but still leaves you exhausted. I miss when I didn't dream at all. Got an email from the dean of student affairs requesting to see me regarding my "computer vialation of ethics"...not entirely sure what I did, shit, it could be anything. Might not go. Probably will get kicked out. College is overated and overpriced anyway. If only a degree wasnt needed to get decent pay. Brought me more pain than joy. Ive been thinking of dropping out after this semester, anyway. I'm really tired. Of everything. It seems like its something everyday. I tried to fix my life, but I ended up fucking up. I don't even know if I want to come back from it. Don't know if I can. Everything has become too much.

Nightmares are horrible. I take a med called Prazosin HCL 1MG Cap. I haven't had one nightmare since I started the med. And with the computer maybe you click on something they have red flagged at the school. I have a hard time in med school also. But dont drop out you're too smart to waste it! Im norse so when it feels like there is so much piling on, Odinn is testing me to be a better warrior. To fight through it because I am strong. And you are strong also look how far you have came!

 

[Cubashii]

Today I have arrived my home country after a very long flight. I supposed to meet up with my mom but she cancelled...
My mom failed me many times but she always has a reason(being sick). She doesn't care me that much because I'm not her favorite child. All my life, I feel unimportant. She hurt my feeling many many times. I came from the other side of the world, it's not a few hours away. We can meet another day, but she has already ruined my feeling. This trip is suck, I'm crying.

Im so sorry =[ That is horrible. Im right dead square in the middle of 20 children. (7 blood related) My mother will go to my older sister way faster then she would me. When I lived out on my own my mom only seen my apartment once. But went and stayed with my sister for an entire summer. (mom lives in the same town as me and sister in nashville 60 miles away). You should write your mother a letter cause letters are more personal then a call or text and tell her how you feel about her bailing on you.

 

[Cubashii]

Hi, I am feeling lousy already and just got back my result for a test and it was pretty bad done. Finals are coming too, I don't know how to get myself together

Failing a test is just one step in learning how to improve. I made a C in class the other day and lost it. So I studied all weekend and made a 100 on this weeks exam. You need to put time to the side each day till finals and start taking note on things you know are gonna be covered in that exam. Writing it down helps you remember better because of the muscle movement of writing it and seeing it on paper. Let me know how it goes. Im sure you will ace it! Your just nervous cause its a large test right now.

 

[Cubashii]

I have been studying Swahili for some time now. My legs are sore from running yesterday, today I ate Kenyan pancakes in the morning, cabbage and beans for lunch, and lentils and rice for dinner.

I memorized an entire page of my Swahili notes today. I am studying vigorously now, it makes me a bit more suicidal but I'm in the least it convinces my family that I'm past my past.

I also washed my clothes by hand today with bar soap and water, it was nice.

I have constant flashbacks, I never experienced anything out of the ordinary, but life itself, without any irregular catastrophes is enough to make any honest person go insane.

My flashbacks are of school, classism, inequality & such. My solace is found in the fact that one day the sun will engulf the earth, Hawking says we must leave the earth but I'd prefer if we stay. I'm not so opposed to humans going extinct.

As for my suicide, what I believe will differentiate my third suicide attempt from my first & second is that this time I feel that I understand why. I have no doubts, no hesitations, everyone in my family believes that I am no longer suicidal, I haven't even left a trace of evidence of my past experiments, I am no longer seeking any form of attention or help.

It will especially be a shock to them because all the evidence points toward my getting better. I have lost 50 pounds (I was overweight before), now my face is more defined, my muscles are showing, I was described as muscular today. I'm studying vigorously

This is not even sad to me. I know that I'm capable, I feel I'll be successful in this third attempt, there's nothing stopping me. I am used to pain & discomfort from all the exercise & dieting, so I feel that I'll be able to ctb without hesitation.

I feel like reading how your day went it was pleasant. The food and washing clothes and studying. But in your shoes its a normal day with the pain you are feeling. Which is very heart breaking. You religion is interesting I will check it out. Wanting to Ctb isn't something we can fix overnight. It really doesn't go away. We just have to learn how to put little bandaids on it what hurts us and fight through. Learning Swahili in my religion make you a strong warrior. Keep studying and the clean diet and start a journal on your progress. It could help you start feeling better. Also have you thought about training Swahili when you learnt all of it? You could teach people.

 

[Cubashii]

I woke up depressed and irritated at 6 in the morning to go to the shit of that college. before getting up I was late to see the ss in bed. I read a book on the way but mostly I put a frown in face and thought about death. I had to put up with a lot of happy people wanting to interact with me but all I wanted was to curse everyone. I rolled my eyes at each boring voice I had to hear by doing a textual interpretation and after 4 hours I returned on a hot day that made me dizzy. I mentally cursed everyone who looked at me.

i remembered: i bought one box of antiemetic for sn method.

I know that feeling. When your on the subway and you turn into oprah "You get a fuck you! And You get a fuck you! You all get fuck yous!" * that was my best oprah voice by the way* I like to put headphones on. You know the voice canceling ones then all you have to do is fake smile. That will help with the not wanting to speak problem. And I know you've looked into a method but if you want to try recovery for a little while it might help.

 

[StillWaiting]

Failing a test is just one step in learning how to improve. I made a C in class the other day and lost it. So I studied all weekend and made a 100 on this weeks exam. You need to put time to the side each day till finals and start taking note on things you know are gonna be covered in that exam. Writing it down helps you remember better because of the muscle movement of writing it and seeing it on paper. Let me know how it goes. Im sure you will ace it! Your just nervous cause its a large test right now.

Thanks for the advice. I will try that... Not sure how it will turn out

 

[Red star]

It was a shit day then got to talk to someone and felt better

 

[Red star]

I know that feeling. When your on the subway and you turn into oprah "You get a fuck you! And You get a fuck you! You all get fuck yous!" * that was my best oprah voice by the way* I like to put headphones on. You know the voice canceling ones then all you have to do is fake smile. That will help with the not wanting to speak problem. And I know you've looked into a method but if you want to try recovery for a little while it might help.

Lol the Oprah reference, thats one of my favs