Jumper
Student
- Jun 18, 2019
- 149
I've always wanted to feel happy and stable.
Dreams have changed over my lifetime.
Now it's just to feel happy and relief. A quiet little life with a relatively stress-free job and someone to come home to and a dog. I have a good group of friends and family, so hang out with them, play some sports during the week, help others any way I can at shelters or Special Olympics or Childrens Hospitals.
I'm not going to have the money to feel good about raising a kid even though I love kids. I wouldn't want one from my genes anyway, I don't want him to be a 35 year old man-child that never grew up and saved money either. But this kind of life would be fine with me. It's hard to even see that though right now.
Now it's just to feel happy and relief. A quiet little life with a relatively stress-free job and someone to come home to and a dog. I have a good group of friends and family, so hang out with them, play some sports during the week, help others any way I can at shelters or Special Olympics or Childrens Hospitals.
I'm not going to have the money to feel good about raising a kid even though I love kids. I wouldn't want one from my genes anyway, I don't want him to be a 35 year old man-child that never grew up and saved money either. But this kind of life would be fine with me. It's hard to even see that though right now.
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Righttodie
Maybe in another life
- Apr 10, 2019
- 166
That's something I seek as well. Seems basic but so unattainable.
That would be lovely
I wish you could have it and maybe still one day.
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I wanted to marry the love of my life. We are due to marry within six weeks
I wanted to finish my counselling degree and help others who had been through trauma (I got 1/3 done)
I wanted to see my nephew get married and my niece have her first child
I wanted to visit America to see a dear friend who just ghosted me for six months because I'm suicidal
I didn't ever ask for much. It was all possible an year ago but I messed my life up and pain messed my life up and so did doctors.
I just wanted a normal life free of pain with my friends beside me and now I'm in bed staring at my phone counting down the days grumpy with my partner because I hurt so much and ugh
I hate life
I wanted to finish my counselling degree and help others who had been through trauma (I got 1/3 done)
I wanted to see my nephew get married and my niece have her first child
I wanted to visit America to see a dear friend who just ghosted me for six months because I'm suicidal
I didn't ever ask for much. It was all possible an year ago but I messed my life up and pain messed my life up and so did doctors.
I just wanted a normal life free of pain with my friends beside me and now I'm in bed staring at my phone counting down the days grumpy with my partner because I hurt so much and ugh
I hate life
Righttodie
Maybe in another life
- Apr 10, 2019
- 166
Would have been lovely if all our dreams came true.
Will any kind of help turn things around ?
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Be a touring/recording musician/songwriter, write an amazing screenplay then produce/direct it, learn how to skateboard, go into space, find out how to love again, elope then start a family, be free from porn and hypersexuality, try dmt, live to see the future, backpack and travel around the world, have a time machine so I don't have to learn to love again...
blanketyblk
Mage
- Jun 9, 2019
- 575
I'm not even greedy, maybe if just one dream out of a million, came true. i would be happy.
I could never afford the lessons, but I was taken to a gentleman's house who sold them A present from my sister. I picked, intuitively, the only perfectly made cherry wood violin, and began to play. The seller was astounded and gave me his daughter's mother- of- pearl bow. I would have given up everything for that. Ah well I can still sing...
Can you write music Blank? Imagine hearing your music played by a whole group of violinists...
Righttodie
Maybe in another life
- Apr 10, 2019
- 166
I wish it could have for you.
You deserve all that you seek
That sounds beautiful
blanketyblk
Mage
- Jun 9, 2019
- 575
I was lucky in that regard my mum was a violinist for one of Australia's symphony orchestra. She played in the opera house several times. she was incrediblly talented. i can write music yes, but it's all crap :-)
You can sing? oh god your so lucky i sound like 2 cats being strangled.
On the edge
Member
- Jun 9, 2019
- 22
I wanted to become an airline pilot
I wanted my ex to take me back
I wanted my ex to take me back
Righttodie
Maybe in another life
- Apr 10, 2019
- 166
It's good to dream. Sometimes dreams are the only place where we can exist, when everything around us crumbles.
This is my dream.
Live in a beautiful place like this.
Breathe in the air and appreciate life and not suffer.
Have a child whom I would care for and give lots of love to.
I always dreamed it would be a daughter. To teach her lots of things and spend time with her and give her the best of things.
This has led me to look for people whom I help by seeing them as my own children, my parental instincts are strong.
Maybe also find love. A partner with whom I can share everything and nothing and give all I have to give and receive all that I am given.
I also dream of having a mother whom I would be loved by and could love back. That void chases me constantly
It would be beautiful. After all, all dreams are.
Until you hold on to them for too long and they poison you.
They poison you with a constant reminder of all that will never be.
In those moments, darkness becomes a support, something which fills you more than hope can.
That's what I find on this site. Hope. I find peace and maybe that's what keeps me and many others going as well.
This is my dream.
Live in a beautiful place like this.
Breathe in the air and appreciate life and not suffer.
Have a child whom I would care for and give lots of love to.
I always dreamed it would be a daughter. To teach her lots of things and spend time with her and give her the best of things.
This has led me to look for people whom I help by seeing them as my own children, my parental instincts are strong.
Maybe also find love. A partner with whom I can share everything and nothing and give all I have to give and receive all that I am given.
I also dream of having a mother whom I would be loved by and could love back. That void chases me constantly
It would be beautiful. After all, all dreams are.
Until you hold on to them for too long and they poison you.
They poison you with a constant reminder of all that will never be.
In those moments, darkness becomes a support, something which fills you more than hope can.
That's what I find on this site. Hope. I find peace and maybe that's what keeps me and many others going as well.
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Ldog9
Student
- Jan 12, 2019
- 144
travel around the world with someone.
learn to sail.
build a cabin.
learn to sail.
build a cabin.
dreamsofdestruction
Everywhere I look is chaos
- May 9, 2019
- 340
Completing a university education in the sciences.
Have someone I love love me back.
Have a family of my own I can care for.
Have someone I love love me back.
Have a family of my own I can care for.
Righttodie
Maybe in another life
- Apr 10, 2019
- 166
I come from a long line of violinists although I never met my extended family. Medicine, music, painting and sculpting are rampant on both sides...smile. But the violin...nothing compares to it for me. How wonderful to have such an opportunity. You do not need to entertain others. Play for yourself. Always play for yourself. You are the only one who counts with the violin, The only one. Immerse yourself in feeling and let it go through the music you play and know so well.
blanketyblk
Mage
- Jun 9, 2019
- 575
Losing yourself in the music into is magical. when it all comes together. can feel your heart racing as the music takes hold and then well everything falls away (better than sex) :-). i my house at the moment i have a music room and i do go into there time to time and simply play. but not as often as i would like or should.
You are an exceptional writer who makes those who read your piece feel. That is the sign of a true artist. Thank you for sharing your insights...and your yearnings...you are most kind.
Yes, yes, yes, yes...and send a piece to me.
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blanketyblk
Mage
- Jun 9, 2019
- 575
not sure if you have heard of Jun Sung Ahn on youtube. he is an amazing violinist, his renditions of modem song is simply breath taking.
e.g.
Righttodie
Maybe in another life
- Apr 10, 2019
- 166
Thank you Blank. This is the first time I have listened to real music since my brother died and I shall have to play it a bit at a time. Are you like that? So deeply musical that everything is an instrument that plays to the natural world. A full moon becomes a cello played by the wind, waves on the shore a piano, the milky way a symphony, storms the clashing of cymbals, and each note conspires to fill body and soul with feeling.
Righttodie
Maybe in another life
- Apr 10, 2019
- 166
Sometimes the simplest of things are the ones out of reach
blanketyblk
Mage
- Jun 9, 2019
- 575
Yes, oh boy yes. Always thought it was just my crazy brain. the world goes by to music. which makes depression extremely hard, due to how mind plays the sound of how I'm feeling (does that make sense)
You are most welcome Right. I know good writing, and you really are exceptional. That you should think my comments are kind tells me that you have either never published/have not published enough. There is tremendous talent there Right. I have been writing for decades and have never succeeded as you have here this night. It is my sincerest hope that you publish...maybe your dreams can still come true...that would be wonderful...then I could read more...smile. Selfish huh? blush
Yes! We could be related...grin. You are the first person I have met who understands that...lol. It is the same with painters though. Everything is seen in vibrant colours, simple lines, and sometimes chaos, and writers like Right whose thoughts wander through, above, below, and around the machinations of the mind and spirit, lending credence to all thought, all feeling...whoosh, but of all the people I have known you are closest to me in spirit. I am nothing as compared to music...nothing.
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blanketyblk
Mage
- Jun 9, 2019
- 575
My mum had a saying for it which was "music fills in the gaps in the sidewalks of life". always thought that was on point.
She understood. I am so happy for you Blank. As strange as it may seem I was not permitted to play music, mine or any other, while I lived at home, but singing? No one could stop me,,,heheheh.
Righttodie
Maybe in another life
- Apr 10, 2019
- 166
I wrote and self published something. It was less than flattering.
So I gave up on future attempts.
Writing is a hit and miss.
Moments where I find the flow are few and far between.
I take your words to heart. Thank you again for your kindness.
It has brightened the day :)
I am so sorry Jen. That is a terrible place to find yourself. The betrayal of your own body, and the pain that is its accompaniment are mighty and terrible. (((HUGS)))
Ummmm...you would brighten mine if you published more...pushy aren't I? I am a pretty good editor...lots of practice...sigh. Smile...really I would love to work with you. No editting needed for the piece you wrote on here...nope.
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The standard American happy ending:
Wife, kids, a decent piece of land with a white picket fence and a good lawn.
After a while, though, it took an unexpected turn into becoming one of those musical hobos. They make an above-average salary, actually. The competent ones, at least.
Both of them got smashed by, you guessed it, epilepsy.
Now I'm the average bitter guy - lonely, bitter, and have a job that I hate but can't lose.
Nobody wants to hire an epileptic.
Worse, I see the young ones like Andrew Huang, the kind of guys that can turn farts into music. Me? I can see how they can do it, the theory behind it, but if I try to sit down and make something, I'd be lucky to have only auras and not actual seizures.
Even if it's partials, it's still a mess. Can't learn anything with partials.
Wife, kids, a decent piece of land with a white picket fence and a good lawn.
After a while, though, it took an unexpected turn into becoming one of those musical hobos. They make an above-average salary, actually. The competent ones, at least.
Both of them got smashed by, you guessed it, epilepsy.
Now I'm the average bitter guy - lonely, bitter, and have a job that I hate but can't lose.
Nobody wants to hire an epileptic.
Worse, I see the young ones like Andrew Huang, the kind of guys that can turn farts into music. Me? I can see how they can do it, the theory behind it, but if I try to sit down and make something, I'd be lucky to have only auras and not actual seizures.
Even if it's partials, it's still a mess. Can't learn anything with partials.
Azazel
Silent
- Jun 23, 2019
- 38
I wanted to be a writer. Writing means everything to me, it's my only way out of reality, and the only thing that I'm able to be focused on. I don't know if I still have hope. Also, my native language (the language I write in) is not a widely spoken one, so I guess that my dream is way too hard to accomplish. But still it's the only thing that keeps me going.
