Setting the date

[Goodfornothingbish]

I have decided that in June- August. I will be CTB. I have started to write my exit note in a non distressed state so I can explain why. I haven't set the official date yet (though closer to my birthday helps the grieving hopefully. Only mourning one day instead of two.) My plan is to save as much money as possible for a passport, ticket, Airbnb, and a week vacation. I want the best week of my life so on that last day I can go to sleep and not wake up. I already have a method and it seems very easy to do. I don't want to CTB in distress, I've been wanting to CTB since my dad came back into my life. I want to CTB in peace. Knowing that it was my choice, my time, my right. I hope it all goes well. I hope I don't see the day I turn 25.

I hope others that want to CTB at least wait to be at their happiest to see if they still want to. You only live once don't end it with regret please.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the peace you search for, best wishes.

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

I hope you find the peace you search for, best wishes.

Thank you.

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

Day 1.

Not Human

I am not human
And therefore I have made a plan
One in which I've escape.
One in which I've ran.
Because the pain that I carry
The pain that I have
You can't use Iotrolan.
Sometime I wish I was more of a strongman.
But I feel more like a lizardman.
Becasuse the way that people treat me,
As well as the ways I've plotted, I planned.
I don't deserve to be near humans.
I am no fellow man.

Idk if that makes sense or resonates with anyone else that feels like a parasite or burden. Sometimes, I feel like I am too weak for this world and I need too much help. It's my job to be the strong one, and I am failing at it miserably.

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

Day 2

I don't know how regularly I'll post on this thread specifically. But I want to track everything and on here feels safe. Maybe someone will relate to how I feel and will feel less alone. Maybe someone will understand and offer advice from time to time. Haha idk what the goal really is for posting on here but maybe by the end I'll know.


I made a playlist awhile ago of songs I love. And today I decided I wanted to make a costume piece for it. I am not an artist, but I know what I want the piece to look like. Maybe I'll post the finished project one day. Hopefully someone can help (....please artists dm me haha)
It's something I want to leave behind. Something I hope will be played at my funeral. Something I'm going to play when I CTB. It's my happy playlist.

I also watched this video and they mentioned someone named Michèle Causse. Have you heard of her? I watched the video of her final moments with her friends. One friend so straight forward, understanding, calm, even with a smile on her face- she asked if this is her choice and if she understands. It made me cry because her last moments are kinda what I dreamt of before. See her happy because the country accepts CTB is beautiful. She wasn't in pain. She wasn't in distress. It was her choice.

 

[Coringa]

Michèle Causse

What did they give her to drink?

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

What did they give her to drink?

I am not going to just tell you that. Sorry.

 

[Coringa]

I am not going to just tell you that. Sorry.

Now i know, i just searched the forum.

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

I am trying not to get to get banned. Idk what can just be said. I apologize.

Now i know, i just searched the forum.

Please don't take this sarcastically. I genuinely mean what I am about to say.
I can't thank you enough for taking the time to do the research when it wasn't just given to you. I swear that is such a rare occurrence from where I am from. So I appreciate you not just demanding me to give you the answer for 45 minutes. You are smart! And you deserve so much!

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

Day 2:

I swear people that say they care about me just love to hurt me. No way in hell does someone that keeps throwing their stupid fucking another successful relationship in my face think it's because they care about me. If the only time someone haz something to say to me, is to throw what they know I wish I had, are they not fucking evil?

I don't think I can wait to leave America. I don't think I can wait til August. I want to make it past October- November but I don't know if I will. I pray to God I can though.

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

Day 3

After this post, I will continue on different thread. I realized guest can see this. I don't I want to say anything further if they don't have accounts.