Venting Selfish for accepting a scholarship?

[stupid little girl]

Hello to whoever reads this. Recently I won a scholarship to help pay my students loans. It was $3,000 and while it wasn't a whole lot, it certainly helped.
I am grateful for being selected, however there is also a sense of guilt to. I am still suicidal and think about killing myself every day. It just feels like I'm getting closer and closer to snapping and moving up my date. But my point of this post is that I feel a sense of guilt for taking money away from someone else who wants to live. That money could help them out of debt and make them happier and less stressed. Whereas I will probably die sooner by suicide and my outstanding student loans will cease to exist. At least I think they will because I don't think where I live they force my family to pay them off. So, I was wondering if anyone else ever feels guilty for accepting something that could really help someone else who wants to live when you're suicidal and it doesn't matter?

 

[BLUE1970]

Please don't feel guilty about accepting a scholarship, I'm employed by a leading London uni and know how scholarships work. Take comfort that you were selected for the award due to your achievements.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It would be selfish if you were certain you were going to suicide, but you're not, so congratulations on the scholarship.

 

[Ghost2211]

I don't think it's selfish. Every day that we are alive is a day that we need to keep functioning and living. I'm not a big fan of the concept of living as if we are dead while we are alive, So that means as long as life goes on life goes on.

 

[StringPuppet]

Student debt shouldn't exist anyway

 

[kjghfg]

You have to take what you can get in this society. You didn't step on anyone to get that, you rightfully were awarded it as @BLUE1970 said and I agree with the above post that the way the college system is, that people have to be indebted to gain a higher level of education is wrong, but you weren't the one who created that system. Not deciding to take your scholarship would put even more pressure on you or made things worse and I'm guessing that's not what you need x