Selfharm & suicide cycle

[theSquid]

I recently had a relapse and went the deepest i ever had. I had always thought that when i reach "beans"/ the fat layer i would be satisfied and never have to sh again. I did that yesterday but the urge to do it again has never been bigger. I have had this urge for a couple of days now and i can feel myself becoming more and more suicidal. The more suicidal i get the stronger the urge to sh is, and the more i want to sh the more suicidal I become. I feel myself starting to spiral down again but i just don't have the motivation to do anything about it.

 

[iwanttobedead]

i worry about this too. logically, i know when i hit beans and don't drive myself to the hospital, it's a coin flip that i lose function in my arm. despite that, i keep coming back and slicing deeper like you. i try my best to butterfly bandage the gaping skin and let it heal, even though i know this isn't sustainable. maybe a part of me secretly hopes that when i do cut "too deep", it'll result in the attention i want. ugh. i don't understand any of this. it doesn't mean much coming from me, but please be careful. at least avoid the top of your wrist with all the nerves, and major arteries in your arm. i hope both of us can end this soon c:

 

[theSquid]

i worry about this too. logically, i know when i hit beans and don't drive myself to the hospital, it's a coin flip that i lose function in my arm. despite that, i keep coming back and slicing deeper like you. i try my best to butterfly bandage the gaping skin and let it heal, even though i know this isn't sustainable. maybe a part of me secretly hopes that when i do cut "too deep", it'll result in the attention i want. ugh. i don't understand any of this. it doesn't mean much coming from me, but please be careful. at least avoid the top of your wrist with all the nerves, and major arteries in your arm. i hope both of us can end this soon c:

I relate way too much. I too can't understand why i keep doing this.
I cut my thighs so I don't have to worry too much about hitting anything vital, however that makes it possible to cut even deeper and i get mad at myself when I can't cut as deep as i want to. Sometimes i want to hit something vital to feel valid, otherwise im not "bad enough".
I wish you all the best<3