Self preservation is weird

[BoredNTired]

I've been planning to CTB for a little while now, and around the time I started planning it i've also started SH-ing. I've had no problem with basic cuts or bruising, but recently as a test of how much i really cared about myself, I tried cutting off a toe and found myself completely unable too besides barely drawing blood. Does self mutilation really sit at a line past CTB? Is that basic self preservation instict something I should work to get past if I can say I really want to die? I don't want to die a coward, I need to know I mean it, so why does dying feel easier than a toe? Is it just instinct I shouldn't worry about, or indicitive of a deeper cowardice?

 

[skylight7]

People CTB to escape their pain and suffering. Cutting off a body part is the opposite of CTBing. Because you're alive, you'd feel the excruciating pain of cutting off your toe. You'd also need crutches for a while, followed by a limp. This would add physical pain and suffering, and more mental pain and suffering, than you're already experiencing that's making you want to CTB in the first place. Keep your toe, bro.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's in part common sense to not maim yourself. It may not result in death, it causes pain and a risk of infection. It very likely would need hospital treatment which then raises a lot of questions how it happened and possibly puts you on the radar for people worrying about a future suicide attempt. Plus, if you decide not to suicide, you've likely disabled yourself and made life a whole lot worse.

Maybe it depends on your method but I imagine, most people aren't looking to hurt themselves in a suicide attempt. Most want as painless and effective method as possible.

I suppose I can get my head around challenging yourself to see if you're ready. I checked out a bridge once. Not with the intention of jumping. More to see how high the barriers were but, I did also want to see how it felt I suppose. Nothing much as it turns out because I knew it wasn't a real attempt. Beyond that though, I just think it's so risky. People trying a bit of SN or practicing partial. I do sort of still understand it but I'd worry that something unexpected would happen and it would reveal to people what I was planning. Ideally, I want to be out on my first try.

 

[Oeoe3]

It's not cowardly to be unable to do that stuff to yourself. Albeit, that's definitely the most normal reaction when it comes to mutilation or gore. Please just choose a safer option and don't go to harsh on yourself, you'll get somewhere eventually.