Celerity
shape without form, shade without colour
- Jan 24, 2021
- 2,733
I used to hit myself a lot when I was disappointed with myself. Nowadays, I just don't have the energy. Getting angry at what I do or don't do is like cursing the sky for being cruel when it rains - futile and ascribing agency where there is none.
There are just some things I do because IDGAF anymore. I'm currently seeking an Rx for stims. I don't plan on getting high with it (yet) and, when I've taken it before, it made me very tense and turned me into a mild insomniac. However, it also has the added benefit of murdering my sex drive and giving me the focus I need to get my housekeeping out of the way before I CTB, so it'll do just fine.
I already feel like shit, so the anger and anxiety the stims will give me will just change the flavor of the shit sundae I'm already eating.
Can anyone who used to self-harm relate? I just don't see the point in the ritual anymore. SH doesn't release tension, and I don't feel like I "deserve" it somehow.
There are just some things I do because IDGAF anymore. I'm currently seeking an Rx for stims. I don't plan on getting high with it (yet) and, when I've taken it before, it made me very tense and turned me into a mild insomniac. However, it also has the added benefit of murdering my sex drive and giving me the focus I need to get my housekeeping out of the way before I CTB, so it'll do just fine.
I already feel like shit, so the anger and anxiety the stims will give me will just change the flavor of the shit sundae I'm already eating.
Can anyone who used to self-harm relate? I just don't see the point in the ritual anymore. SH doesn't release tension, and I don't feel like I "deserve" it somehow.
Last edited: