Self esteem is the most important thing

[cant cry]

I still get depressed and have some of the same problems I've had my whole life, but I've found it's much easier to bounce back from set backs now that I respect myself, no matter what happens.

Some people confuse self esteem with social confidence. They think if they were better looking, more popular, or more outgoing, they'd love themselves. Real self esteem is almost the opposite mentality -- You realize that other people's opinions of you don't don't determine your self worth.

I wrote down these lines and read them every day. When I had trouble believing any of these statements, I backed them up with facts. For example, when I couldn't believe I deserved to be happy, I reminded myself of good things I've done.

And don't ever beat yourself up, blaming yourself for all your problems. Yes, you've made bad decisions. We all have. But you've also made fantastic decisions. This is how someone with healthy self esteem thinks.

I read this list first thing in the morning and came back to it numerous times throughout the day. It did wonders for my self confidence.

I deserve to be happy.
I have great potential and can do much better than I'm doing.
I am very powerful and influential.
No one can control me.
No one is superior to me.
I deserve a blissful, romantic relationship where I'm treated well.
I deserve a great job that I like.
I can find solutions to just about any problem I have.
I can get just about whatever I put my mind to.
When people bring me down I can fight back and win.
I don't have to follow anyone's rules but mine.
I'm independent minded. I think for myself.

Well, doing this has worked wonders for me at least, so I thought I'd share it.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Cool
Now how you connect it with reality

 

[DJ2000]

I still get depressed and have some of the same problems I've had my whole life, but I've found it's much easier to bounce back from set backs now that I respect myself, no matter what happens.

Some people confuse self esteem with social confidence. They think if they were better looking, more popular, or more outgoing, they'd love themselves. Real self esteem is almost the opposite mentality -- You realize that other people's opinions of you don't don't determine your self worth.

I wrote down these lines and read them every day. When I had trouble believing any of these statements, I backed them up with facts. For example, when I couldn't believe I deserved to be happy, I reminded myself of good things I've done.

And don't ever beat yourself up, blaming yourself for all your problems. Yes, you've made bad decisions. We all have. But you've also made fantastic decisions. This is how someone with healthy self esteem thinks.

I read this list first thing in the morning and came back to it numerous times throughout the day. It did wonders for my self confidence.

I deserve to be happy.
I have great potential and can do much better than I'm doing.
I am very powerful and influential.
No one can control me.
No one is superior to me.
I deserve a blissful, romantic relationship where I'm treated well.
I deserve a great job that I like.
I can find solutions to just about any problem I have.
I can get just about whatever I put my mind to.
When people bring me down I can fight back and win.
I don't have to follow anyone's rules but mine.
I'm independent minded. I think for myself.

Well, doing this has worked wonders for me at least, so I thought I'd share it.

There's no such thing as intrinsic value. Self Esteem, as started by the Psychologist Nathaniel Brandon, originally referred to "the feeling of being able to deal with the demands of reality. "

 

[Evermore]

I still get depressed and have some of the same problems I've had my whole life, but I've found it's much easier to bounce back from set backs now that I respect myself, no matter what happens.

Some people confuse self esteem with social confidence. They think if they were better looking, more popular, or more outgoing, they'd love themselves. Real self esteem is almost the opposite mentality -- You realize that other people's opinions of you don't don't determine your self worth.

I wrote down these lines and read them every day. When I had trouble believing any of these statements, I backed them up with facts. For example, when I couldn't believe I deserved to be happy, I reminded myself of good things I've done.

And don't ever beat yourself up, blaming yourself for all your problems. Yes, you've made bad decisions. We all have. But you've also made fantastic decisions. This is how someone with healthy self esteem thinks.

I read this list first thing in the morning and came back to it numerous times throughout the day. It did wonders for my self confidence.

I deserve to be happy.
I have great potential and can do much better than I'm doing.
I am very powerful and influential.
No one can control me.
No one is superior to me.
I deserve a blissful, romantic relationship where I'm treated well.
I deserve a great job that I like.
I can find solutions to just about any problem I have.
I can get just about whatever I put my mind to.
When people bring me down I can fight back and win.
I don't have to follow anyone's rules but mine.
I'm independent minded. I think for myself.

Well, doing this has worked wonders for me at least, so I thought I'd share it.

I was given a list of positive affirmations before by a therapist and told to say them to myself while looking in mirror ...for me personally it just made me feel like a liar and an idiot . Maybe looking in the mirror put me off...I ended up turning that list into a paper airplane and got asked for the list back as the therapist forgot to make copies of it . It was quite awkward handing it back with all the folds in it but she never asked me to do anything like that again lol It just goes to show how different things work for different people , I really hope it continues to help you .

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Cool
Now how you connect it with reality

Good that you said it because I didn't want to be the a*hole

If you can believe it though, more power to you. It's the Steve Jobsian therapy, he talked about the reality distortion field and so on... There's probably something deeper going on here than the mere statements themselves.

 

[attell2]

Cool
Now how you connect it with reality

I think the point of the exercise is to force your depressed brain to uncensor your positive traits and accomplishments. When I go dark I couldn't tell you the first positive thing about myself, and it would take me a while to process if you told me, I'd probably even argue to trivialize it. This may not be your list but you definitely have a list. Just writing the list would be a good exercise.

 

[Epsilon0]

Thank you for sharing this technique with us here in the Recovery section. If this stuff works for you, then I can only congratulate you on having found something that helps you in life. Good for you!

For me personally this technique did nothing. I tried it during therapy for several months, together with other coping exercises.

In my opinion affirmations and positive thinking don't work if you suffer from clinical depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd, me/cfs or other serious psychological problems. When my depression gets very deep, I struggle to convince myself to go make a cup of tea, let alone manage to believe "I can find solutions to just about every problem."

Saying affirmations to make myself feel better is like rubbing anti-inflammatory cream on a wooden leg. My mind hurts, my body aches, I can hardly breathe, every cell in my body knows I will be ill for the rest of my days on Earth. So, no, I can literally not "get about everything I put my mind to", no matter how many times I repeat this to myself.

But, hey, like I said at the beginning, if this stuff works for you, all the more power to you! Don't let me rain on your parade. I wish I'd find the holy grail of mental health.

 

[puppy9]

Is the Self esteem movement is design for sociopaths? The movement backfired really bad. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[madbananas]

You should look up "self compassion vs self esteem" I like the idea of self compassion being more important than self esteem. That's just my opinion though

 

[rebelsue]

Cool
Now how you connect it with reality

Right?

Like if I believe all that shit about myself, I will never be able to see when I'm actually fucking up or being delusional. Not all of my ideas and instincts are good. In fact most of them aren't which is how I ended up having such a messed up life to begin with. Why should I shed people's opinions of me when their opinions are probably my only connection to reality?

 

[Pryras]

My mother does this, and it works for her.
Although I can't say it does anything for me and my mental state.

When I'm feeling this way there's nothing I can say to convince myself that I'm worthy of anything and much less believe that. Positive affirmations do work for a lot of people with the right willpower but won't always work for someone who's suffering.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Honestly, I'm thinking the Sith vow would have a similar effect. I'm a "the end justifies the means" kind of guy. Trying to be, at least. That seems to be the right rhetoric for this life. Being all cuddly won't get me too far.

 

[Bct]

Good if it works for you. I agree self-esteem is important, but I have difficulty with affirmations, especially if nothing backs the sentence I need to say.

 

[GoBack]

Self esteem only ever happened for me when I had a solid purpose, jobs I was good at, or college, or taking care of people young and old or animals.