Venting Self-deliverance is so hard when you live with others

[Eudaimonic]

It seems like they are already suspicious of me.

I don't know how I am going to manage to find, pay for, and obtain all of the necessary supplies AND find a suitable location AND a means of transportation AND travel there AND come up with a convincing excuse for doing so, all WITHOUT arousing suspicion.

I feel like crying right now. I just want to be gone, but everything is so hard.

 

[human909]

I don't know how i am able to do it either, I wish to be gone too but it is almost impossible since my parents are home almost 24/7. That's why i'm considering jumping when i need to go somewhere on a trip or something by myself. This is the only option that seems suitable to me. I hope you find peace soon.

 

[Eudaimonic]

I don't know how i am able to do it either, I wish to be gone too but it is almost impossible since my parents are home almost 24/7. That's why i'm considering jumping when i need to go somewhere on a trip or something by myself. This is the only option that seems suitable to me. I hope you find peace soon.

I think I'll have to do the same. Maybe I could convince them that I am meeting up with a friend.

 

[loneloser]

I feel the exact same. I hope we both find the peace we desire.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I agree so much. The only reason why I lived so long and why my account is as old as it currently is right now is because, for the longest time, I couldn't figure out how to kill myself and navigate through the difficulties due to living with others. It doesn't help that I'm autistic too which adds further complications and challenges for me. However, it was only recently where I have finally thought of a way to deal with all of this and get what I want.

In my case, I was able to pay for all of the supplies since I never really spent my money on material things due to not liking anything in life and, also, I was on a student loan so I just used that. I brought a PO box to get the things in secret and then I got all of the other supplies by going to different stores whilst my mum thought that I'd be at university. My location will be a hotel and I had to use a lot of my brain power (which there isn't a lot of in the first place) to try and have the hotel room be from 9am to 6pm since that's the longest I can be away for in a day. I think that I'm able to escape suspicion because I've been pretending to be okay all of these years when I really am not and I rarely interact with others anyway.

It's incredibly difficult for people like us to try and ctb and I really hoped that I could use my story to make a guide for those who are in a similar situation but I sadly can't because I mostly got lucky. So lucky. I really hope that somebody makes a guide for people like us to navigate through the whole ctb thing because it is so tricky to do so. If I lived alone, I would have a complete piece of mind and I wouldn't be here today

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand as I just wish to not exist as well, to permanently cease existing is all I hope for, I wish there's the option to just choose to simply cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again with no risks of it going wrong and leading to even more suffering. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find peace.