Self-care when I'm Dead (Venting)

[stoiccactus]

I just need to vent for a minute.

I'm in a place in my life now where I am constantly surrounded by people. Every waking second of my life involves tending to another person's emotions or needs. From the second I get up to tending to family (and an abusive partner), to working two jobs to support them, to the multiple hours of bedtime I have to contend with, I have no ability to do even a minute of self-care time, without someone else's needs being neglected. I have almost no support network, and the few people I have are unreliable and/or incompetent. Even with people who supposedly "love" me, when I share my feelings, instantly result in me having to now tend to THEIR feelings, so I share nothing.

On a good night, I can get 4 hours of sleep. This leads to bad decision making, which leads to further depression and misery. Sometimes I can smoke a little weed and feel good for a few minutes.

There is nothing I hate more than people who tell me "take time for yourself, because it will make you a better caretaker for them" - this is such a crock of shit. I take time for myself; I miss deadlines, I lose clients, family begins lodging complaints (leading to a humiliating divorce I am going through). Life has become such a monotonous hell of working and care-taking. I just can't do it anymore. Death sounds like the best form of self-care right now.

 

[AtMostOkay]

I understand you, friend. Where is this luxury extra time? "Take care of yourself" becomes equivalent with "thoughts and prayers." Real life advice: not only is it okay to disappoint the folks leaning on you, it may just give all of you a new perspective. It's okay if people don't understand. That's hard for the likes of us, but can be liberating. I send peace to you today, for what that's worth. I see you xoxo

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really stressful and tiring what you are going through and I'm sorry that you have to endure this. It seems as though life is just endless problems and suffering with no escape, and I cannot even imagine how hard it must be, having to experience all that. I also see death as a form of self care as it is the absence of everything and nothing can hurt me once I am dead. I hope that you find relief. Best wishes.

 

[Lost Magic]

Try and establish some 'clear' boundaries. Tell the people in your life, you need time for yourself and let them know that it is imperative that you have this space for the sake of your health. The herbs valerian and passion flower could help with your sleep. See if you can get some melatonin as well.

 

[Worndown]

Can you run away?

 

[stoiccactus]

I understand you, friend. Where is this luxury extra time? "Take care of yourself" becomes equivalent with "thoughts and prayers." Real life advice: not only is it okay to disappoint the folks leaning on you, it may just give all of you a new perspective. It's okay if people don't understand. That's hard for the likes of us, but can be liberating. I send peace to you today, for what that's worth. I see you xoxo

100% thoughts and prayers. Lots of "take care of yourself" but rarely an offer to help me achieve that.

Can you run away?

I would rather die!

 

[Worndown]

I am sorry to hear that but it is your choice. I hope all goes well for you.