Venting selective insomnia just to torture me

[babyharpseal]

i really really cant stand my fucking body. i needed to wake up at 9 today, went to bed at 12 like a good kid, and for no fucking reason whatsoever i wake up in the middle of the night n cant fall back asleep. just lay there w my eyes closed for hours and still completely wide awake. and no matter what position i lie in, some body part hurts, even when i lie in the position i was sleeping comfortably in before

this literally happens every single fucking time i need to wake up early or have smthn on the next day. EVERY single time. all of a fucking sudden im incapable of sleeping until an hour before i need to get up, or i have the most broken sleep possible n barely get a wink. and then i either have to cancel my plans to lie in bed all day, or drag myself thru them while absolutely miserable. it genuinely feels like my body hates me and does everything it can to make me suffer. like its just torturing me in the hopes ill kms

 

[babyharpseal]

have to leave fhe house like 5min ago and im still in bed, dead exhausted, really dont want to fucking go out. just gonna get dressed n leave without eating then starve til i get home. being a living thing w needs is torture