I think I was given a face blindness test a week ago
I think I was given a face blindness test a week ago
I think I was given a face blindness test a week ago
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Bitcoin (BTC):Ethereum (ETH):Monero (XMR):Just how my luck goes. Things are going great & 1 bad day & I'm losing it all. I only had 2 sources for constructive outlets. 1 a suicide chat hotline & 2 a suicide site. The hotline no longer works. When your only source to not ctb is a ctb site, you see where I'm going. Struggling with reality, overwhelming emotions. Future getting bleak again.
Just how my luck goes. Things are going great & 1 bad day & I'm losing it all. I only had 2 sources for constructive outlets. 1 a suicide chat hotline & 2 a suicide site. The hotline no longer works. When your only source to not ctb is a ctb site, you see where I'm going. Struggling with reality, overwhelming emotions. Future getting bleak again.Struggling with stuff. I know or at least I'm sure that I have paranoid personality disorder & borderline personality disorder. So I question what I believe is going on. I've been struggling with rather or not work was trying to set me off. I had an outburst eventually & took on all the blame. However since then some coworkers came to me individually to give support & after that I now know I was targeted. Idk for what purpose. I believed I was wanted & accepted, but those same people who made me feel that way were the same ones involved in trying to set me off. I'm so confused and idk what to think anymore.
I'm also struggling with memories of my siblings, bloodline period. I never realized it, but I come from sexual deviants. My first memory of it i was about 4. I'm the youngest of 6. I'm not sure if it's a memory of an event or a dream. It's been in my head since I was that age. It takes place on C lane where I got my first pet. My 2 oldest brothers are molesting the brother closest to my age & my sister. My other brother is there, but I've blacked out his participation. At 8-9 multiple times i heard my dad beat & rape my mother. When I was 9, my sister molested me & 2 cousins. About 10-11, the closest brother & my sister were next door in a chair wrestling. For some reason his election was out & he was trying to make her touch it. So far, my offending siblings were kids & I question what happened to them to be like that. Around that same 10-11 age my oldest brother would be 21-22. He came in my room & woke me up to talk. He said me & a female cousin was the same age, so I should have sex with her. My second oldest brother, when he would be mid 30s tried to have that same cousin to sleep with his wife & mother of most of his kids while he watched & possibly joined in. Only 3 siblings are still alive & I've completely cut them out of my life. The oldest living is a sadistic prick. At the only "family" outing i remember all of us except R who was dead i remember a couple of things. I remember bullets flying about a foot over my head from other party shooting. I remember my second oldest brother bragging about how bad he was then taking a bite out of a live fish & swallowed it. Throws the fish down to suffer until death while laughing & bragging. He also raised a pig as a family pet. Let the pig in the house, but not the dog. Let his very young children love the family member. When Porkchop got big enough, he made those kids watch as he made pork chops. My sister is just a user & manipulative person who doesn't care about who she hurts as long as she gets hers. No one around her can ever know peace. The other brother tortured & tormented me my entire childhood we spent together. Stab me in the head, shot me point blank in the chest with a CO2 BB pistol, & suffocated me on 3 occasions. The last couple of years with him i was under constant threat of having my chest caved in. Every time I tried to get help from so called "family" I was either yelled at or beaten for tattle telling or they stuck up for him cause "he was used to being treated like the baby of the family until I came along". No wonder society doesn't want anything to do with me when I come from this bloodline. It be better for everyone if I was dead, but I'm too much a failure to comply.
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheck
Erection not election. F@#!ing spellcheckAll the improvement this year & still i just want to die. No matter what I do I can't help being just a pathetic lover & nothing but a joke destined to be alone. I want death, society wants my death. I'm a failure at even dying. There will never be hope for me & I'll never have a place in this world. Hopefully something bad enough will happen that'll give me the strength to ctb. I'm tired of living
God damn spellcheck! Loser not lover. I'm actually pretty damn good at that once given a chance
What do you do when you've been trying & made advancements, but you can't handle something. I thought I was doing good. After I showed signs of breaking the pushing increased. I'm struggling with trust & motives. I know there's something up with my phone. Erratic behavior, past experiences, unsecured connection warnings, phishing texts, & i could keep listing all the things. I know for a fact something is off, but I don't know what or how. It makes me look crazy. I've had tons of gaslight both cyber & rl. People live joining in on the fun of mob mentality & bullying me. I've had reasons this year to be hopeful & work on myself. I'm throwing it all away & I can't prove anything or can I get help to show it. People know but like everything else in my past I'm alone to protect myself & I'm expected to keep my mouth shut & dealt with it. I was taking an online dbt course but due to the suspicious behavior of my phone I can no longer access. I tried hanging myself Saturday morning again. Again I can't do suicide. I can't live & I can't die.
Dot
Info abt typng styl on prfle.
- Sep 26, 2021
- 3,619
Hve u thght abt lookng @ th/ onlne spport stes tht r linkd
Thre mght b anothr cnstructve cmmunty thre whch cld hlp u also
Online Support and Recovery Meeting Groups
Many people who cannot access or afford standard therapy might find some help in video meetings and classes with online support groups and organisations. This information is not designed to be a replacement for professional therapy but for many will also be much better than nothng. Some of...
sanctioned-suicide.net
Had a rude awakening from my employer. I don't blame them in protecting themselves. I do feel betrayed though. I've got no one to blame but myself. They don't have anything to worry about from me & never did. When will someone stand up for me? The fact is will always be alone in life's struggle is overwhelming. After everything is said & done I know I'm in a better place due to my employer. I know 2 that we're in the meeting were just doing they're job of protecting the company. The other one had compassion but has to do her job. I know I don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I never will. I'm also stuck with the reality that I left myself open to the attack. I don't know if attack is the right word for it . It does reinforce that people can do whatever they want to me & get away with it & I will never have anyone in my corner. It hurts even if it's not new to me. I don't know how I can go back in. I know I want suicide but I also know it'll never happen. I don't know how to start over. So much i was wrong about involving my future. Will I ever be treated equal to the rest of humanity? I'm just a bug to be squashed. I know I have no future there anymore. I believe all this is just from wanting answers. If that's true than I definitely will never have a future. I will always search for answers to what happened. Suicide would help so much. Whatever possibilities I had at work are gone now. There's no way it's possible after the meeting i had. That much is abundantly clear. I never wanted anyone to get in trouble. I just wanted to be left alone so I could do something with my life. It's proof that I don't belong in society. I want to reach out but I know it'll just be turned against me.
derpyderpins
:( as ugly as Sidney Sweeney :(
- Sep 19, 2023
- 2,180
I am late to this thread but saw you posted today so I thought I'd weigh in.
First, I'm sorry you had to have that gut-sinking feeling at work. There's something unique in that isolation feeling in your place of employement, where you are acquiring what you need to survive.
Starting over is a very scary premise, but believe it or not it's often a big relief to do it. One thing that makes people behave in the way that's making you feel unequal and like a bug is that they're really caught up in their own stuff, which means that when you land at the next place they're usually too up their own ass to find out your story. It's really a fresh slate.
And I get that (1) you're staring at evidence of failure, thinking it's bound to repeat, and (2) it feels like you built a foundation and now you're abandoning it. But what I've learned having done that a couple of times now is that during the course of building that foundation I was always learning (from mistakes, largely), but then I'm sitting there with the foundation built before I learned from the mistakes, which is all wrong. Each reset is a chance to see what it would be like with your improved skills from the beginning. Like resetting a game to apply your practice.
You may be in a better place because you had this job, but employers are always acting in their interest, not charitably. Good employers will know that they'll get better results if they're good to employees, but don't mistake that the results are why they are choosing to be good. You have to be the same. Every day you've shown up and not been fired they saw you as a value and were getting something out of it. Nobody owes anyone anything (unless there's a contract. Sorry, lawyer.)
Support will inevitably have to come from outside of work, even when you find a better work culture.
Best of luck. I hope some of this was on-point.
