Secrets/confessions/things your embarrassed about/things you haven't told anyone

[whyidon'tknow]

When I dated my girlfriend there were a couple days I was benzo black out and dont remember because I was abusing my moms drugs. One time I snorted a lorazapam at her work and she caught me (she called 911 and we went to the hospital)


Completely disgusted and ashamed with myself.

 

[Not_Quite_Dead_Yet]

I'm just embarrassed that I did this in the first place although I know some people on here might relate. About a month ago I tried cutting just to try it. I did it two times after that when I was really upset, I don't know why. I regret it horribly. I just want to wear short sleeves again.

Sure, I can relate to the cutting. I also tried it several times to see if it would release some of the pain inside but did it on my upper thighs, where it would more likely go unnoticed. Also, I didn't want to screw up the tats on my arms. Ah, vanity!

 

[kolski]

I can't express how ashamed I am of my secret. I feel like a monster because of it. You see, my horse is very ill. It's been two years of watching her slowly degrade as we try and find a 'cure'. I love her. I love her so much. If I could trade places with her, I would take her illness without thinking. But I can't. Instead I have to watch her die and one day let some bastard put a bullet in her head. And I have to be okay with that.

But, some days I wish she was dead. I don't want to watch her die anymore. I can't.

How much of monster do have to be want someone you love to be dead.

 

[Severen]

How much of monster do have to be want someone you love to be dead.

That's being the opposite of a monster.

 

[JustcallmeChris]

It's not really embarrassing or anything but it is a secret i keep from a lot of people. I act as if I don't know nearly as much as I do for seemingly no reason. I'm a decently smart guy but I act like i'm not. I don't know why, but I act like i'm not confident in answers I know are correct and purposefully fuck things up so people don't think i'm smart (which i'm not i'm probably averagely intelligent but i don't show it at all). Once I used a word in an essay my advanced composition teacher had somehow never heard and so I told her that I just recently found it in a thesaurus even though i've known the word for probably most of my life, idk why I do this...

 

[Fadinglife]

I am in a married to the sweetest most considerate guy on the planet. And that's the only light spot in my life. No matter how wonderful he is. I Can Not get away from my feelings or my thoughts of suicide. They have always been with me and always will be. He is the Only reason i'm still here. But slowly but surely he's just not enough to keep me here. I've set my date to ctb. And I hate not being able to tell him that I love him but I can't keep living with myself just because of him. I know i'm a terrible person. But I just can't keep acting happy when i'm not.

I can understand that.

 

[azucaramargo]

Me too, but it's because of my looks, plus a severe form of dermatitis that makes me objectively ugly and unpleasant to interact with.

Fylobatica, you are lovely. It makes me sad to hear you talk about yourself this way. It is patently untrue what you wrote. I envy the people who get to be friends with you IRL.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I have this terrible secret fantasy of mine to marry a control freak wife who can actually handle life and take care of me without having anxiety attacks every hour and descending into cold depression then exploding into an internal molotov cocktail of emotions before slowly dying away each night into a variety of bad dreams (my daily routine). I could do artwork from home to earn money so I wouldn't be a parasite plus I could learn to be a good chef. Bonus points if we have a vague age gap with her being older. Yes, my desire is basically to be a househusband and harness my true inner germaphobia.

My face is burning as I type this.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

k i'm not looking for sympathy everyone here has their own problems
Just sharing my "Secrets Confessions Things your Embarrassed about"
If anyone else wishes to share theirs go ahead !
If not thats ok i totally understand.

here's mine

I CAN'T HAVE SEX

There i said it !

I'm Female 21 years old.I had to have an operation about 2 years ago.It was a possibility that the above would happen and unfortunately it did.
I'm not comfortable going into the details of the operation so i won't Sorry !!!
This is really embarrassing for me to share this with all of you.I have only told one member here about this.

This problem is the cause of my severe depression.
All my friends have boyfriends or are having kids etc
Because of my condition i can't have either.Everywhere i go i see couples/familys and it kills me

Any guy that shows interest in me i just lie and tell him i'm already seeing someone.

And yes i know there is more to relationships than sex and there is also many other ways to have sex and i could meet some guy who would be totally ok with this.But it has still destroyed me.

Anyway thanks for reading !
And feel free to add your own.
Doesn't have to be similar to mine.It can be anything
Maybe you have a secret/confession you want to unload before you CTB ?
Otherwise you would just take it to the grave and no one would ever know.

Very brave of you to share.

While being on here is one of my biggest secrets, I have to disclose that I'm not as brave as you. So I commend you for being so brave.

I encourage you to check out postsecret.com - I think this site will really resonate with you. :) sending much love. Hugs!

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Sometimes I think of killing myself with the sole purpose of revenge. I hate my parents so much that I'm pleased with the idea of them finding my dead body and becoming traumatized with my suicide, specially my father and my mother. I want them to suffer and blame themselves for all their lives for creating me. I think of increasing their suffering further by leaving a note blaming them for everything and even killing myself in a special date such as christmas or mother's day. I might even taunt my mother in my suicide note, asking where her god is now. She is just starting to recover from my grandfather's death, so another blow like this might lead her to depression, and the thought of it pleases me.

 

[262653]

Recently in shower, shortly before my unconscious brain gave born to a couple of ideas, I was masturbating while imagining a person with whom I share a correspondence as a muscular futanari fiery amazon fucking me with an abnormally giant aggregate in a stand & carry position. I'm a guy and she's asexual. (Not in my lascivious dreams though.)

 

[Scribble Fan]

I'm afraid of intimacy, in general. It makes me feel so pressured and vulnerable. It's one of the reasons I don't have any friends.

 

[Severen]

Sometimes I think of killing myself with the sole purpose of revenge. I hate my parents so much that I'm pleased with the idea of them finding my dead body and becoming traumatized with my suicide, specially my father and my mother. I want them to suffer and blame themselves for all their lives for creating me. I think of increasing their suffering further by leaving a note blaming them for everything and even killing myself in a special date such as christmas or mother's day. I might even taunt my mother in my suicide note, asking where her god is now. She is just starting to recover from my grandfather's death, so another blow like this might lead her to depression, and the thought of it pleases me.

Hahaha, yeah. But do you really want to spend the last moments in life around your parents and then die in some shithole(where your parents live)? Better to enjoy life before CTBing even though revenge is sweet.

 

[Lol]

i'm in love with my college professor

 

[262653]

It's not really embarrassing or anything but it is a secret i keep from a lot of people. I act as if I don't know nearly as much as I do for seemingly no reason. I'm a decently smart guy but I act like i'm not. I don't know why, but I act like i'm not confident in answers I know are correct and purposefully fuck things up so people don't think i'm smart (which i'm not i'm probably averagely intelligent but i don't show it at all). Once I used a word in an essay my advanced composition teacher had somehow never heard and so I told her that I just recently found it in a thesaurus even though i've known the word for probably most of my life, idk why I do this...

Meet your shadow then *waves the hand*
I oftentimes pretend, especially on the web, to be more smarter and organized than I actually am. In reality, I usually have only superficial idea of what I'm talking about and there are traps everywhere in my judgement. Mess in the head, head in the clouds... Even though I know this doesn't serve me at all. Its more productive to learn to express yourself spontaneously than trying hard to upkeep the mask that doesn't suit you and filter thoughts that don't suit the mask... I wanted to say something else but forgot what it is... oh well. Tide comes, tide goes.

*I'd like to make a connotation. I'm very curious person and want to ask a lot of questions, especially to some of the local folks. But I'm not doing it out of fear of exposing my own ignorance. For the same reason I do rarely ever express my opinions. This is bullshit. Why would I prefer trying to hide my ignorance over actually alleviating ignorance? It makes me furious that I'm following deleterious/inefficient/ineffective habits instead of doing what appears to be the right thing.
Same goes for the habit of living. I wish my brain would be and be capable of working like Bayes network.

 

[Lush_nova]

a part of my life went viral on the internet. many years later I still get trolled for it or tagged in it not saying anymore as its easily discovered and I want to remain anon on here for a tad longer.....

 

[LogicalConclusion]

I'm not a violent person by nature, excluding towards myself, but my brain will throw some really twisted, fucked up things at me...Like I'll suddenly think of stabbing someone who is around me or hurting them in some way, and I freak out over having those kinds of thoughts. Also inappropriate sexual thoughts that are horrifying and just...stuff that is not me, but because my brain is producing it and shoving it at me, it feels like it's from me so I have these mental battles about how horrible I am for thinking those things but also knowing it's not anything I would actually do because I'm more afraid of it than anything

 

[262653]

I'm not a violent person by nature, excluding towards myself, but my brain will throw some really twisted, fucked up things at me...Like I'll suddenly think of stabbing someone who is around me or hurting them in some way, and I freak out over having those kinds of thoughts. Also inappropriate sexual thoughts that are horrifying and just...stuff that is not me, but because my brain is producing it and shoving it at me, it feels like it's from me so I have these mental battles about how horrible I am for thinking those things but also knowing it's not anything I would actually do because I'm more afraid of it than anything

Is there any stuff that is you or comes from you?

I get some amusing thoughts too. Like pushing a pedestrian under a subway train. Just out of curiosity, no harm intended, not as a main objective at least. Would he/she instinctively try to grab one of the adjacent pedestrians? Does a subway train makes a beep sound? What sound a pedestrian will going to make during the whole process? How would surrounding people react?

 

[The Hunter]

k i'm not looking for sympathy everyone here has their own problems
Just sharing my "Secrets Confessions Things your Embarrassed about"
If anyone else wishes to share theirs go ahead !
If not thats ok i totally understand.

here's mine

I CAN'T HAVE SEX

There i said it !

I'm Female 21 years old.I had to have an operation about 2 years ago.It was a possibility that the above would happen and unfortunately it did.
I'm not comfortable going into the details of the operation so i won't Sorry !!!
This is really embarrassing for me to share this with all of you.I have only told one member here about this.

This problem is the cause of my severe depression.
All my friends have boyfriends or are having kids etc
Because of my condition i can't have either.Everywhere i go i see couples/familys and it kills me

Any guy that shows interest in me i just lie and tell him i'm already seeing someone.

And yes i know there is more to relationships than sex and there is also many other ways to have sex and i could meet some guy who would be totally ok with this.But it has still destroyed me.

Anyway thanks for reading !
And feel free to add your own.
Doesn't have to be similar to mine.It can be anything
Maybe you have a secret/confession you want to unload before you CTB ?
Otherwise you would just take it to the grave and no one would ever know.

Congratulations on your bravery for sharing this.

As you said, a relationship is more than just sex, and there are other ways to have sex (some guys would be very enthusiastic about it). And you can always adopt a child or maybe an artificial insemination, but I do not know if it would be possible to You, I do not know your specific condition. well, know that you can have a relatively normal life. I hope you can enjoy sexual pleasure, I hope they have not completely mutilated you, if you understand me.

my secret and problem is not a big deal and it is common in many men, it is this: I ejaculate very quickly, usually 5 - 7 minutes, probably not enough to satisfy a woman, but to do what, the evolution made me like this. but I know there are other ways to satisfy a woman without penetration, so I try to explore it.

sincere hugs to you sister

people, sorry for any mistake in English, my primary language is Czech

 

[262653]

I ejaculate very quickly, usually 5 - 7 minutes, probably not enough to satisfy a woman

Considering that too much excitement can lead to faster ejaculation, is it true, that too much interest for a woman can compromise her satisfaction and that mediocre looks are more preferable in that regard? (Good enough to keep it interesting and hard.) I never had a sexual experience with another person, so what do I know.

 

[Tabbyql]

I've always identified as bisexual, and have been in a relationship with my bf for 5 years. But I'm pretty sure I'm lesbian, all I can think of is being with a girl not just the sex. I mean a relationship and all the stuff that goes with it. If i say anything I lose my home, my dogs and will be judged to hell. I'm also struggling with my gender. Holding it all in and being unable to express my real self whatever that is, is killing me. Knowing I will die never having the chance to be my true self.

 

[LogicalConclusion]

Is there any stuff that is you or comes from you?

Yeah, that's kinda where the "you're a horrible person" part comes from. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm just on the sidelines watching the arguments unfold

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

I've always identified as bisexual, and have been in a relationship with my bf for 5 years. But I'm pretty sure I'm lesbian, all I can think of is being with a girl not just the sex. I mean a relationship and all the stuff that goes with it. If i say anything I lose my home, my dogs and will be judged to hell. I'm also struggling with my gender. Holding it all in and being unable to express my real self whatever that is, is killing me. Knowing I will die never having the chance to be my true self.

I feel for you. I was married to a man and a woman... the man for 9 years and the woman for 1... now I'm single and have been for a while. I get my fair share of guys but being able to get a chance with a woman, it's difficult. Right now I can honestly say both sides has its challenges. Being openly with another woman comes with being judged. You lose a lot either way. Don't ever lose yourself to other's views on you. Ever. ((Hugs))

 

[Scribble Fan]

Many raw, toxic emotions eat my soul away below the surface, they developed as a defense mechanism against verbal abuse growing up. They're very injured and volatile so I always keep them deep and frozen, nearly emotionless. I feel so alone as a result. I'm always lonely and disturbed because I never share them. No connecting with people, I internally push away. I can't even trust myself and this may be why I'm so different. People seem to follow their emotions, I'm always fighting them in cold isolation.

I'm a very malformed and weak person, thanks to my "parents". This dark, heavy cloud wont leave me be. C'est la vie....

 

[Severen]

Many raw, toxic emotions eat my soul away below the surface, they developed as a defense mechanism against verbal abuse growing up. They're very injured and volatile so I always keep them deep and frozen, nearly emotionless. I feel so alone as a result. I'm always lonely and disturbed because I never share them. No connecting with people, I internally push away. I can't even trust myself and this may be why I'm so different. People seem to follow their emotions, I'm always fighting them in cold isolation.

I'm a very malformed and weak person, thanks to my "parents". This dark, heavy cloud wont leave me be. C'est la vie....

Have you tried turning to narcissism? A lot of people do this to deal with your problem.

 

[medicinenightmares]

I secretly want to fuck my best friend. I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual, but I'm scared that it could make things uncomfortable. (We're both women.)

I have a rare eating disorder called ARFID that I've had since childhood and it's ruined my life. I also binge eat, so now I'm fat af and it's the main reason I want to ctb.

I sometimes have really fucked up intrusive thoughts about hurting my mom or weird sexual thoughts about friends or supportive adults. (Not that I'd act on any of them.)

I have a daddy kink.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I have a deeply repressed sexuality due to being raised in Evangelical Christianity and mainly my "Mother" having a toxic views on "perversion". Masturbating makes me feel like dying, never had sex.

Honestly, I couldn't care less that I'm a virgin. There's so much more to life than fitting genitals together and society is kinda creepy about how much emphasis it places on getting laid (even though I'm sure it's more than pleasant) but FFS, can I just jack off in peace without feeling evil?

 

[blanketyblk]

When i was 14 I chucked a rock though one of the stain glass windows at church which was on the school grounds. never got caught and no one knew who did it.. so yep was me.. don't feel guilt about it. fuck that place.

I have a deeply repressed sexuality due to being raised in Evangelical Christianity and mainly my "Mother" having a toxic views on "perversion". Masturbating makes me feel like dying, never had sex.

Hugs, Evangelical religion is just so repressive. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.America has truly perverted religion and sex. as it is now far away from the teaching in the bible as possible. and thats not even getting started on the prosperity gospel teaching. i mean MY GOD

My own parents where very catholic. and where devoted to the church. they use to give to the church part of their income ever year. but once i can out as being gay. they stopped. i'm not sure if the church uninvited them or they had a change of heart. They never spoke about church again. it like it just vanished. It's just another reason why i was so lucky with my parents. they knew they needed to change for me and they did. no questions.

 

[RM5998]

well if you've really decided you just can't stand having such a wonderful guy in your life and you're done with him; how big is it, and can I get his number?

Well played there. If I had been as half as bold as you are back in high school, there might have been something to look forward to about those years.

I'm still crushing on a girl I met over 8 years ago. I know that asking for a relationship would have been a bad idea (I'm essentially toxic sludge that destroys everything I care about). That doesn't really help in getting over it.
The worst part is, due to her aversion to relationships in general and the school jocks in particular, I had a decent chance. We gelled together pretty well, despite having little in common to start with.

 

[not_a_robot]

It's not really embarrassing or anything but it is a secret i keep from a lot of people. I act as if I don't know nearly as much as I do for seemingly no reason. I'm a decently smart guy but I act like i'm not. I don't know why, but I act like i'm not confident in answers I know are correct and purposefully fuck things up so people don't think i'm smart (which i'm not i'm probably averagely intelligent but i don't show it at all). Once I used a word in an essay my advanced composition teacher had somehow never heard and so I told her that I just recently found it in a thesaurus even though i've known the word for probably most of my life, idk why I do this...

It just means you have good social instincts. Stupid people fear and attack smart people, it doesn't get better as you get older, people just get meaner and more insecure. It's best to hide it. Play stupid, it will be a great advantage to let others think you are stupider than they are. Start planning how to advance yourself professionally and socially while maintaining the illusion of being dumb. Nobody will ever see you coming. Knock them all down like dominos. You can be President, or even get a job with real status.
No shit dude, you have a gift. Don't waste it.