Venting schizophrenia..

[menherachan]

i just cant take this anymore, my schizohphrenia just gets worse and worse in my life. ive been in mental hospitals in years to some point, and nothing ever works. my walls just cry and the tears fall from the ceiling and onto my bed. my bed just becomes bloody from how much i just cut. i do it everyday and i just, am done..ive tried to kill myself so many times but i always get caught by my mum. she locked up all the knifes glass cups (i bought my razorblades off amazon) and our shed is locked. i cant get ahold of anything anymore all i have is my bedsheets. i just want to do it but no place to do it. i constantly get yelled at to do it frommydad and just yells at me for hours about how little he cares. he ruined my life, i used to get beat every single day to the point i would paint my walls in blood to get him to stop, when i found animals in the yard he would stabthem.. i was raped alot i just dont knowwhatto do i just want to die,, im new here so hi. im anon and i just am a huge menhera goth. i love menhera and goth fashion and draw alot of sketches. i also animate and model. i got lots of job offers for it but never took any because i am terrified of people..

 

[randomz]

I am sorry you went through all this in your life. If there is anything we can help with, we are here for you. Even if you just want to vent and speka to someone, you can always PM me.

 

[Heavy]

Did you get raped by your dad?

 

[SpottedPanda]

Sorry to hear you're struggling. I've been a schizophrenic for twenty years, and have had multiple episodes. It's not nice when your symptoms flare up

 

[Emily_Numb]

If your Dad has been raping you, please go to the police!

 

[RedDEE]

I'm schizophrenic too. I have voices in my head that torture me constantly. The voices in my head aren't me - they're other people. They let me know constantly that they can read my mind - and they know my every thought. They stop me from killing myself - not to be nice, but to be mean. They stop me from killing myself so I will go on living and suffer more. They don't want me to die and have peace.

It stops me from sleeping. I lay down in bed, and the voices keep telling me how pathetic I am, and keep bringing up sensitive subjects I don't want to think about, and bring up bad things from my past, and throw them in my face. They intentionally annoy me, and pester me. And belittle me, and generally just torture me. It's like everywhere I go, I have somebody there with me telling me very negative things. And I get SO pissed off - I mean, I get fucking MAD. But I can't do anything about it. I can't stop the voices. I can't fight them. The voice are an invisible enemy - I can't harm them, and they throw that at my face. They basically say "ha ha, you can't hurt me, but I can hurt you" and it's humiliating and makes me feel helpless.

Just venting. I'm sorry for all the traumatic shit you've been through. I can't imagine. I don't know enough about your situation to give you any good advice. I don't know how old you are, or where you live, so it's hard to give advice. It sounds like you need to escape - you need to get out of that situation and get to somewhere safe. Calling the cops sounds like it would probably be the best option.