iamanavalanche
fast words, deliverance
- May 20, 2024
- 284
i hate waking up. just feeling so empty and alone until i get overwhelmed with sobbing or panic. the sensation that i am already dying and that my body is already rotting from me ctb in the future is so scary. i wish there was something i could do to help how horrible i feel every moment of the day.
i feel so much grief for people who still live and people i've lost. it hurts so badly. it feels like something is clawing through my chest when i realise that i am going to lose everyone i love. i want to ctb before anyone i love leaves because i dont think i can ever handle that.
even though there are people who depend on me to live, and i worry i am going to make a lot of people suffer the way ive suffered with grief, i cant imagine ive done one good thing for them to remember me by. i cant imagine that they will find their life emptier or worse without me. maybe theyll think that way for a while but theyll realise maybe it was for the best.
i want a hug so badly. i want to be held and that cant happen. all i can do is hug my pillow tight and try my best to daydream that someone is telling me everything will be okay.
but i dont think i can be around for people to see anymore. i am too much of a cancer; a disease.
i wish i was kinder and i wish i was prettier and i wish i was better but i cant.
i wonder if its even worth it to write notes and letters knowing that theyll be better off without me.
i feel so much grief for people who still live and people i've lost. it hurts so badly. it feels like something is clawing through my chest when i realise that i am going to lose everyone i love. i want to ctb before anyone i love leaves because i dont think i can ever handle that.
even though there are people who depend on me to live, and i worry i am going to make a lot of people suffer the way ive suffered with grief, i cant imagine ive done one good thing for them to remember me by. i cant imagine that they will find their life emptier or worse without me. maybe theyll think that way for a while but theyll realise maybe it was for the best.
i want a hug so badly. i want to be held and that cant happen. all i can do is hug my pillow tight and try my best to daydream that someone is telling me everything will be okay.
but i dont think i can be around for people to see anymore. i am too much of a cancer; a disease.
i wish i was kinder and i wish i was prettier and i wish i was better but i cant.
i wonder if its even worth it to write notes and letters knowing that theyll be better off without me.
