Help schizophrenia

[nyapoka]

i was just recently diagnosed with this and i want someone to talk to about it that has experience with this illness.
I am suicidal when i am in a "sane" state of mind.
But when i am delusioned, paranoid, not in a "sane" state of mind i am petrified that im going to go insane and take my life.
But when I am sane i am planning, preparing and finalizing my last bit on earth
How can i stop myself from being scared of suicide when i am not "sane"

 

[WiltingSapling]

With paranoia, being afraid might just be a delusion (because you don't usually think that way), or perhaps even part of mania. You feel alive and don't want to die in that state. Personally, if I were going to do it, it'd be in a state where you aren't second guessing. But if part of you isn't sure, then maybe it's a result of the illness, or maybe it's a sign to try just one last time to get some help in any way you can. Either way, fixing it is another can of worms that can take years. And being on a cocktail of antipsychotics can just end up making you feel worse and costing you more money.