Scared to Live

[headswillroll]

The first 20 minutes of waking up are usually peaceful, probably because I hit my snooze button a few times and enjoy that mix of sleep and comfort. It's not till my mind starts going and my memories come back that I realize how scary life itself actually is. I'm scared that I'm gonna lose what little I have made for myself and end up worse. I'm scared that I'm going to be anxious forever and unable to find a moment of happiness. Even right now, knowing that I'm going to have a low point tomorrow and then probably again the next day, scares me. Does anyone feel this way? How do you cope?

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

The first 20 minutes of waking up are usually peaceful, probably because I hit my snooze button a few times and enjoy that mix of sleep and comfort. It's not till my mind starts going and my memories come back that I realize how scary life itself actually is. I'm scared that I'm gonna lose what little I have made for myself and end up worse. I'm scared that I'm going to be anxious forever and unable to find a moment of happiness. Even right now, knowing that I'm going to have a low point tomorrow and then probably again the next day, scares me. Do anyone feel this way? How do you cope?

I completely understand that. I am so afraid I could say the wrong thing and lose my job which would be worse than ctb to me. I've almost told people at work to fuck off and even my manager. I have such terrible anxiety that just that possibility makes ctb desire all the more strong.

 

[Fleki]

Yeah, I'm also finding that the first chunk of the day is the easiest, like that little moment before you remember what's going on around you. If I knew how to cope I'd tell you, but unfortunately I'm also in a pretty god-awful rut. Trying to let it run its course hasn't really worked out for me. Distractions have kept the worst of the dread away on some days, but that's probably not sound advice. Sort of just makes it worse once I wrap up and realized I wasn't working on anything important.

Guess I'll keep you posted if I make any breakthroughs, but it's also pretty bleak on my end.