Venting scared to fall into my tendencies

[flyinghigh]

been suicidal for as long as i can remember and the more i think about it the more i realise that regardless of how much i try to "fix" myself, i cannot seem to be getting happier. it's easier to tell myself that people don't care about me bec that means i can make myself believe that i will not be missed but that's not true.
i feel selfish for feeling the way i do even though i am cared for, but no matter how much i try i just cannot feel loved and if i'm being honest i don't think i'm capable of loving others either. but i'm just scared that i will fall into these tendencies and permanently scar the ones around me.

 

[StaticCryBabye]

that sounds like a tough situation. You're not alone though, and that's the most important thing to remember. It's okay to feel the way you do, and it's okay to seek help. Sometimes the only way to feel better is to reach out to someone who can help, and it takes a lot of courage to do that. Remember, you're not selfish for feeling the way you do, and there is nothing wrong with needing help. In fact, it's a sign of strength to ask for help when you need it. So go ahead and reach out to someone, you might be surprised at how much they care.

 

[blazysuzan]

u gotta just talk to people tbh, those tendencies that'll ruin relationships WILL come up and shit WILL get worse if you don't let love in. you were born and that's plenty enough to be deserving of love homie

 

[flyinghigh]

that sounds like a tough situation. You're not alone though, and that's the most important thing to remember. It's okay to feel the way you do, and it's okay to seek help. Sometimes the only way to feel better is to reach out to someone who can help, and it takes a lot of courage to do that. Remember, you're not selfish for feeling the way you do, and there is nothing wrong with needing help. In fact, it's a sign of strength to ask for help when you need it. So go ahead and reach out to someone, you might be surprised at how much they care.

i do talk to them abt it sometimes but unfortunately they start to think that they are doing something wrong and that is making me feel this way, even though i have cleared it that this is just how my brain works. so i started to limit talking to them about sensitive topics.