Venting Sad that I'll be dead soon and the narcissists who hurt me will live on and thrive.

[Need2Leave]

I'm planning to get out soon due to my debilitating illnesses and I just can't help but to think about those who've done me wrong. I've been hurt most of my childhood to my adult life by people in and around my circle and it hurts that my death will bring joy to them.

I understand that I'll be dead soon and all that wouldn't matter. But I'm still alive, and all the thoughts of pain and vengeance keep lingering in my mind. They say "success is the best revenge" but what's the point if I'm homebound suffering from multiple untreatable illnesses and unable to take care of myself?.. All my life I've worked towards success but only to be thrust aside by illnesses I can't cure or circumstances I can't control.

I feel sad, defeated and lonely. Death is all that's left for me, unfortunately.

 

[KillingPain267]

All those who hurt you will die anyway themselves, eventually.

 

[sckntwstd]

I've been feeling the same way lately. It's dumb but I tell myself they'll go to hell and somehow I feel a little bit better haha.

 

[SentimentalTrip]

My God. This post literally could have been written by me. I grew up in a horribly dysfunctional household and I have been psychologically abused by my parents and especially by my sister for my entire life. I'll be gone and she'll live for several more decades. I'll be a footnote in their lives. When I was younger I told myself that I'd go on to have an amazing successful life and I'd prove to them that I am worth something. Just like you said, success is the best revenge. And it tears me apart knowing that none of my aspirations never came true and that all I'll be is a dead loser.

 

[Daryl72]

I'm planning to get out soon due to my debilitating illnesses and I just can't help but to think about those who've done me wrong. I've been hurt most of my childhood to my adult life by people in and around my circle and it hurts that my death will bring joy to them.

I understand that I'll be dead soon and all that wouldn't matter. But I'm still alive, and all the thoughts of pain and vengeance keep lingering in my mind. They say "success is the best revenge" but what's the point if I'm homebound suffering from multiple untreatable illnesses and unable to take care of myself?.. All my life I've worked towards success but only to be thrust aside by illnesses I can't cure or circumstances I can't control.

I feel sad, defeated and lonely. Death is all that's left for me, unfortunately.

Yes, I can see how that would be upsetting.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

They will all die anyway. But before they die they will suffer and suffer the horrors and pain of old age. And all their life they will never know the true nature of reality

I won't suffer old age. I won't be struggling all these years, they will . I will be in non-existence

 

[snowbird]

I'm sorry you got hurt and find yourself in a position where you are unable to carry out revenge.
I feel that urge very much myself and understand it well.
Is there nobody who can help you carry out revenge before you go? Your personal Kang Hyeon-nam?

 

[TheUncommon]

My God. This post literally could have been written by me. I grew up in a horribly dysfunctional household and I have been psychologically abused by my parents and especially by my sister for my entire life. I'll be gone and she'll live for several more decades. I'll be a footnote in their lives. When I was younger I told myself that I'd go on to have an amazing successful life and I'd prove to them that I am worth something. Just like you said, success is the best revenge. And it tears me apart knowing that none of my aspirations never came true and that all I'll be is a dead loser.

Your comment could have been written entirely by me as well...
Every single word.

 

[doneforlife]

My God. This post literally could have been written by me. I grew up in a horribly dysfunctional household and I have been psychologically abused by my parents and especially by my sister for my entire life. I'll be gone and she'll live for several more decades. I'll be a footnote in their lives. When I was younger I told myself that I'd go on to have an amazing successful life and I'd prove to them that I am worth something. Just like you said, success is the best revenge. And it tears me apart knowing that none of my aspirations never came true and that all I'll be is a dead loser.

What kind of abuse , may I ask ? Especially by your sister? I had to deal with a similar sibling. Hence asking.

 

[SentimentalTrip]

What kind of abuse , may I ask ? Especially by your sister? I had to deal with a similar sibling. Hence asking.

It was mostly psychological abuse. She would (and still does) make fun of me for every single tiny facet of my being. She would make fun of my nose, my hair, my height, my voice, mannerisms, my hobbies, my interests, etc. And I don't mean simple teasing. It was outright vicious harassment. As I got older she started to make fake social media accounts to stalk me on because I blocked her real account on one of them. Then she would extract information from that to further make fun of me. I can honest to God list HUNDREDS of examples of things she made fun of me for. I didn't realize how profoundly sociopathic her behavior was until I reached adulthood. I am now in my mid-20s and she is the same as she has always been even though she's 30 years old. Only once did she do something that was borderline sexual when I was around five and she was 11. She made me kiss her. That last one disturbs me deeply even if it wasn't overtly sexual. It makes my skin crawl. This all might sound like it's not a big deal but I think it fucked up my development as a kid and is a big part of why I have zero self-esteem and a ton of self-hatred as an adult.

From my parents I mostly had to listen to explosive arguments throughout my life and deal with my mom's alcoholism. My Dad belittled me and when I started to set a career goal he told me I would never accomplish anything because I didn't have the skills. I made it my goal to prove him wrong. I now realize that's never going to happen. They weren't very involved in out lives so while my sister psychologically abused me they didn't care to intervene, mostly because there was a language and cultural barrier. They're immigrants and we're in the United States. The few times that I stood up for myself they just punished us both instead of taking the time to talk to both us to figure out who was right and who was wrong.

Did you go through something similar with your sibling? You can PM me if you feel like sharing so as to not derail the thread (sorry guys!)

 

[doneforlife]

It was mostly psychological abuse. She would (and still does) make fun of me for every single tiny facet of my being. She would make fun of my nose, my hair, my height, my voice, mannerisms, my hobbies, my interests, etc. And I don't mean simple teasing. It was outright vicious harassment. As I got older she started to make fake social media accounts to stalk me on because I blocked her real account on one of them. Then she would extract information from that to further make fun of me. I can honest to God list HUNDREDS of examples of things she made fun of me for. I didn't realize how profoundly sociopathic her behavior was until I reached adulthood. I am now in my mid-20s and she is the same as she has always been even though she's 30 years old. Only once did she do something that was borderline sexual when I was around five and she was 11. She made me kiss her. That last one disturbs me deeply even if it wasn't overtly sexual. It makes my skin crawl. This all might sound like it's not a big deal but I think it fucked up my development as a kid and is a big part of why I have zero self-esteem and a ton of self-hatred as an adult.

From my parents I mostly had to listen to explosive arguments throughout my life and deal with my mom's alcoholism. My Dad belittled me and when I started to set a career goal he told me I would never accomplish anything because I didn't have the skills. I made it my goal to prove him wrong. I now realize that's never going to happen. They weren't very involved in out lives so while my sister psychologically abused me they didn't care to intervene, mostly because there was a language and cultural barrier. They're immigrants and we're in the United States. The few times that I stood up for myself they just punished us both instead of taking the time to talk to both us to figure out who was right and who was wrong.

Did you go through something similar with your sibling? You can PM me if you feel like sharing so as to not derail the thread (sorry guys!)

So sorry to hear that. Yes , I had to face challenges because of my sibling. But my parents were involved. They tried to settle things, but that didn't help much either. I was so afraid. As a kid one should not be subjected to any kind of abuse. I am strictly against any kind of abuse.

 

[satanpixidreamgirl]

My God. This post literally could have been written by me. I grew up in a horribly dysfunctional household and I have been psychologically abused by my parents and especially by my sister for my entire life. I'll be gone and she'll live for several more decades. I'll be a footnote in their lives. When I was younger I told myself that I'd go on to have an amazing successful life and I'd prove to them that I am worth something. Just like you said, success is the best revenge. And it tears me apart knowing that none of my aspirations never came true and that all I'll be is a dead loser.

I'm had this same exact thought in the shower this morning.

 

[MarkSmith73]

I'm planning to get out soon due to my debilitating illnesses and I just can't help but to think about those who've done me wrong. I've been hurt most of my childhood to my adult life by people in and around my circle and it hurts that my death will bring joy to them.

I understand that I'll be dead soon and all that wouldn't matter. But I'm still alive, and all the thoughts of pain and vengeance keep lingering in my mind. They say "success is the best revenge" but what's the point if I'm homebound suffering from multiple untreatable illnesses and unable to take care of myself?.. All my life I've worked towards success but only to be thrust aside by illnesses I can't cure or circumstances I can't control.

I feel sad, defeated and lonely. Death is all that's left for me, unfortunately.

Death will be beautiful and you'll eventually be in an unimaginably happy place. Personally I think those narcissists and evil people who have done us wrong will eventually be punished. They'll be forced to experience all the hurt and pain that they've caused others. For us, we're experiencing our pain here on this earth, but their time is coming. It's just reversed for them. We'll get to experience the true happiness and enlightenment on the other side.

 

[Lost Magic]

Try not to be hard on yourself because of some low-life, disgusting people. Don't forget they still have to live with their actions and the damage they have caused others. Life will humble them, one day. Anyway, I am sure you are a much better person than they are, so take some comfort in that. Fuck the haters!

 

[BackToLobby]

I can empathise with your anger because I'm going through a similar situation. I wish you the best.

 

[buoy]

I'm planning to get out soon due to my debilitating illnesses and I just can't help but to think about those who've done me wrong. I've been hurt most of my childhood to my adult life by people in and around my circle and it hurts that my death will bring joy to them.

I understand that I'll be dead soon and all that wouldn't matter. But I'm still alive, and all the thoughts of pain and vengeance keep lingering in my mind. They say "success is the best revenge" but what's the point if I'm homebound suffering from multiple untreatable illnesses and unable to take care of myself?.. All my life I've worked towards success but only to be thrust aside by illnesses I can't cure or circumstances I can't control.

I feel sad, defeated and lonely. Death is all that's left for me, unfortunately.

I love you friend. I'm sorry for your pain.