Reviewing my note

[everlastinghistory]

This is what I've written. I still somewhat feel like it's blaming her though. Which is why I'm posting it here. I need an outside opinion.


[Redacted],

If you're reading this: I'm sorry.

I love you, and part of loving you is wanting you to be happy no matter what. I value your happiness over my life. You told me I was tying you down, and stopping you from doing what you really wanted. So, I'm taking myself out of the equation. It's better for both of us this way.

I hope you find someone, or something, that makes you as happy as you've made me this past year; And I hope you never even consider going down the same path I have chosen to.

I kept my hope for a long time that maybe someday we could be together. Then you said that even if I was literally your nextdoor neighbour you probably wouldn't even look at me. My feelings for you will never be reciprocated. You don't even want me in your life anymore, let alone want to date me.

I understand that this is going to hurt you. I also know you understand this isn't your fault. This is my choice. You acknowledged it yourself that if my choice was to die, that was on me and me alone. You were right. This is my choice. I am by no means making this decision to intentionally hurt you. The same way you thought us not talking anymore was best for both of us: I believe this is what's best for both of us.

I'm going to be completely honest: I'm taking my shots with reincarnation. I refuse to believe it's possible for 2 souls to meet without reason. How fast I fell in love with you only proves that.

So, this isn't really goodbye. It's only goodbye for now. We'll find each other again some day. Under different circumstances. Better circumstances. I'm sure of it.

I didn't "throw away my life". Death isn't an ending. Death is a beginning. You believe in reincarnation just as much as I do. You know this isn't the end. Nothing ties me to this life anymore, and it's time I accept that. It's time I move on from this world and some day, somehow, we'll find each other again.

I love you, [redacted]. Never forget that.

This is 100% my choice, and I understand the impact it will have on you and my family. I'm not trying to hurt anyone. I'm trying to stop myself from hurting. I'm doing this because I have to. This was always going to be how my life ended. Nothing between us caused my death. All it did was make me aware of who I need to look for in my next life. You didn't cause this. I did. Never blame yourself. It's just the will of the universe.

I'm doing this in [redacted]. I also intend for my grave to be in [redacted]. My full legal name is [redacted]. My birthday is [redacted]. The city I was born in is [redacted]. Do me a favour, and come to Canada. Find out where my grave is, and visit it just once. The info I just gave you should be enough to find it online. That's all I'm asking. One visit.

I love you. I'll see you in another life. Goodbye for now <3

Also could someone let me know if first name, birthday, city of birth, and city of burial, would be enough to find someone's grave online?

 

[exitsimulation]

you sound like a nice guy heres my blunt advice, never ever kill yourself over a chick. i dont know the details but unless your dying you should fight. without contect its hard to know if she would take this note as a passive aggressive move but its well written and i wish you peace whatever happens.

 

[FuneralGrey]

I also know you understand this isn't your fault.

Are you trying to convince her it isn't her fault? This line makes it seem like something she's told you already leads you to believe she isn't blaming herself.

You told me I was tying you down, and stopping you from doing what you really wanted.

I assume you're asking here because you want the letter not to sound like you're blaming her for your death. I'd say that this line most communicates that you're doing this because of her; of course, she's not making you do anything, but your actions are directly linked to her and something she said through this phrase. I'd take out the whole first paragraph if you don't want her to be blamed.

Realistically, she's most likely going to blame herself for your death, at least initially. Even people who have told you to die often feel remorseful and responsible after a suicide.

As far as I know, most cemeteries don't post grave markers/information to the internet, especially recent ones. The info provided might allow her to find your obituary (if there is one) which may or may not contain burial information, but that would be her best bet. If you end up in the cemetery in which you intend your grave to be, she'll be able to find you once she gets there.

I wish you peace.