Venting Relationship makes me want to CTB.

[heLLishLandscape]

Now hear me out. I love my partner, but I'm so fucking over not feeling physically desired. Do you know how long we've been together? 3 fucking years. And do you know the last time I've gone down on them? Almost 2 fucking years. The intimacy was amazing for the first year and couple months then something happened and I have no idea what, but it died. I just want to be desired and every time I bring it up, I'm the bad guy for being disappointed. I've never posted about stuff like this before online, even anonymously, but I have no one to talk to about this in my life. It's almost shameful to be in a relationship where nothing special happens in the bedroom. I feel like a fucking failure. I've even started losing weight (I've lost like 10-15 lbs) to try to become more attractive and sexy but it's done absolutely nothing. I silently cry next to them while they sleep and wonder if the rest of my life is going to be this way or if I should just end it now. I feel like they're my person and if I leave, I feel incomplete. We've already broken up in the past for a couple of months to figure ourselves out, and those months were great, but terrible without them at the same time. I don't know if I can go through it all over again. I guess what I'm asking for in this post is just to hear if someone has been where I am before and if they have any advice? I've really been trying to make this work or stop caring about sex, but it's really hard.