Venting Regret for hiding mental illness from a loving supportive family

[Final_frontier]

I started suffering from OCD when I was 12, but started hiding it from family no matter how bad it got, out of shame and fear. By the time I finally told them at 17, I was a fucking depressed mess. If I had seeked help earlier, I might not have endes up like this. This thought gives me immense regret. Anyone else with similar experience of hiding mental illness or not seeking help early?

 

[Rachel74]

My family know me but not the extent of my bipolar. That's my fault for not sharing it I just didn't want to burden them with my illness.

 

[An.D.Christ]

I started suffering from OCD when I was 12, but started hiding it from family no matter how bad it got, out of shame and fear. By the time I finally told them at 17, I was a fucking depressed mess. If I had seeked help earlier, I might not have endes up like this. This thought gives me immense regret. Anyone else with similar experience of hiding mental illness or not seeking help early?

Hi I'm literally 2 minutes new here, I know how you feel, I'm not ocd per se, but I get really angry if my personal home routine is changed.
I've suffered with hyperactivity and lack of attention since I was very young.
It's made me quite a fuck up today as I was never given any meaningful help for it.
It gets worse as I started to have psychotic illnesses and depression my entire life, and grew far worse after my partner of 16 years passed away in 2017, when I got with her, I accepted all her children straight away like my own, but now my partner is gone, I find myself alone, drowning in my various issues/psychoses like you must feel...
Im not sure what to do, but I try to get out of bed everyday for them, I just think it will be easier for them not to put up with someone that had major issues already, and now dealing with bereavement related PTSD too now.

 

[justwhy?]

I'm not sure, but recently i was told that a girl i was at school with was horrifically depressed in her early teens then got extensive treatment (going as far as ect) in later teens and then went on to join the armed forces and become genuinely contented.
I never told anyone that i was suicidally discontented because i didnt see the point. Still not remotely sure i do.

Perhaps it was because my mother was so obviously over faced. She was certainly oblivious to the depth of my misery though it could not have been plainer to someone paying attention. She got angry when i didnt engage with my school work or clean my room, meanwhile literally every 3rd thought of mine was "i want to die". She was too wrapped up in the logistics of the quotidienne and i was always the person she sought out for emotional comfort and practical assistance: my very earliest cogent memory is of comforting her as she cried; despite not being the eldest, it fell to me to aid in caring for my younger siblings - i was a significant component of her support network... i worried about our lack of money as much as she did. Perhaps on an implicit emotional level, this all told me that i had to be strong for her, rather than the other way around.
Or perhaps its just that i considered myself to be inherently defective; my character being the source of my problems, rather than the sufferer of an illness, or victim of circumstance. A kind of hard biological determinism, before i even knew what that was.
Perhaps some and some; one feeding the other. Too late to make a difference now.

 

[An.D.Christ]

I've personally learnt, if you try to "read between the lines", it feels like most people only pretend to care, so you can act as a proxy, for their lack of soul. Nearly everyone imo, are simply their to use others for their own devices.

As it has always been, so shall it be..

 

[justwhy?]

I've personally learnt, if you try to "read between the lines", it feels like most people only pretend to care, so you can act as a proxy, for their lack of soul. Nearly everyone imo, are simply their to use others for their own devices.

As it has always been, so shall it be..

We are bound, corporeal - how can we view others other than in how they relate to our own needs and desires? I realise abbrahamic religions say this is what we must overcome to be good people but im not even sure it's possible.

 

[pole]

Mone of mh

I started suffering from OCD when I was 12, but started hiding it from family no matter how bad it got, out of shame and fear. By the time I finally told them at 17, I was a fucking depressed mess. If I had seeked help earlier, I might not have endes up like this. This thought gives me immense regret. Anyone else with similar experience of hiding mental illness or not seeking help early?

none of my family knows my mental health problems. really only two people know. And one was a really really close friend who i thought i could trust but i couldnt.

I feel like ill probably be hiding it for however longer i live.