F
Flick
Member
- Jun 26, 2020
- 28
It's been a crazy time. My journey has always been messy, but I've recently broken away from a toxic family.
I knew it'd bring up my other issues, as it became harder to hide from. Esp living alone during quarantine.
I've been pushing to hold on. I have 2 people in my like specifically, who have helped me so so much. They too are not exactly older and wiser, both being the same age as me. But they try, very much.
I guess they could see I was pulling back slowly, just a bit.
but well, as things in my country open up again, campus is back up for some courses (not mine yet). Either way, I wouldn't see them much cuz they're at different universities.
boyfriend has been struggling with stuff about his work too, and I've been trying to help.
essentially, I've been trying my best to keep distracted.
boyfriend has to pull back for a week. No it's not long.
I've just spent the last few weeks holding on as tight as I can. Trying to keep my head above the water. Barely being able to reach them.
I had little to hold on to for my sanity.
considering some other stuff happened aswell, not out of nowhere but still bad.
i feel myself just, stepping back. was fighting not to go back to old habits and thought processes, but with this, I've just kinda lost the drive. I may get it back eventually, but what if I fall too far?
tired of always trying to run.
Trying to get through, but
The fact that I don't have the will to get out and call someone. To do something when things get bad. That terrifies me more than anything. Trying to push that is very very exhausting. This drop in motivation is very exhausting. What if I end up letting go? Not ctb, but just letting whatever happen. Not fighting the pain anymore.
am scared, just trying to get through. Trying.
I knew it'd bring up my other issues, as it became harder to hide from. Esp living alone during quarantine.
I've been pushing to hold on. I have 2 people in my like specifically, who have helped me so so much. They too are not exactly older and wiser, both being the same age as me. But they try, very much.
I guess they could see I was pulling back slowly, just a bit.
but well, as things in my country open up again, campus is back up for some courses (not mine yet). Either way, I wouldn't see them much cuz they're at different universities.
boyfriend has been struggling with stuff about his work too, and I've been trying to help.
essentially, I've been trying my best to keep distracted.
boyfriend has to pull back for a week. No it's not long.
I've just spent the last few weeks holding on as tight as I can. Trying to keep my head above the water. Barely being able to reach them.
I had little to hold on to for my sanity.
considering some other stuff happened aswell, not out of nowhere but still bad.
i feel myself just, stepping back. was fighting not to go back to old habits and thought processes, but with this, I've just kinda lost the drive. I may get it back eventually, but what if I fall too far?
tired of always trying to run.
Trying to get through, but
The fact that I don't have the will to get out and call someone. To do something when things get bad. That terrifies me more than anything. Trying to push that is very very exhausting. This drop in motivation is very exhausting. What if I end up letting go? Not ctb, but just letting whatever happen. Not fighting the pain anymore.
am scared, just trying to get through. Trying.