Recovery Isn't for Me

[Lost in a Dream]

I thought I wanted to give it a shot, but I realize how truly pointless it is to try and recover from 7 years straight of being suicidal. My mom was diagnosed with cancer on August 14, so I think that is a good day for me to die. I'm thinking about trying hanging again, just to see if I can do it. I realize how soon that is and how much I flip flop with this, but it's because the struggle with this is so difficult. If I cant do it in a few days, I'll postpone it until November 1.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you suffer in this cruel existence. Anyway, I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[CantDoIt]

I thought I wanted to give it a shot, but I realize how truly pointless it is to try and recover from 7 years straight of being suicidal. My mom was diagnosed with cancer on August 14, so I think that is a good day for me to die. I'm thinking about trying hanging again, just to see if I can do it. I realize how soon that is and how much I flip flop with this, but it's because the struggle with this is so difficult. If I cant do it in a few days, I'll postpone it until November 1.

I totally get you. I keep thinking that I want to give recovery a shot but to be honest with you I simply do not. I am so sorry about your mother, I wish you the best in whatever you do.

 

[CTB Dream]

Smtm no posbl rcvr life cncp all wrng time mov mov endall

 

[maniac116]

Just a thought. Maybe hang around to do what you can for your mom before you CTB.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Just a thought. Maybe hang around to do what you can for your mom before you CTB.

My mom died in 2017. I've been suicidal ever since. I forgot to mention that earlier in my post, but the anniversary of when she got sick is coming up soon.

 

[maniac116]

My mom died in 2017. I've been suicidal ever since. I forgot to mention that earlier in my post, but the anniversary of when she got sick is coming up soon.

I'm so very sorry that you are suffering.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

My mom died in 2017. I've been suicidal ever since. I forgot to mention that earlier in my post, but the anniversary of when she got sick is coming up soon.

So sorry to hear this, loss like that can be so huge and all encompassing. If you feel like you might go sooner than later, please update us if you can. We care<3 Anniversaries like that are so damn hard. Here if you wanna chat.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I don't think I'm ready to try hanging again so soon. Truth is, I'm afraid to try leaving that way. If I could just die from a heart attack in my sleep, that would be preferable, but it never happens. A death like that is like winning the lottery it seems like, but I beg and hope for it every night, even if there's no god out there listening. I just want this life to be over, but maybe I'll be ready by November 1 to try hanging again. I don't really know.

 

[Moroze]

I relate to this a lot. I removed recovery from my view on this website. It's not for me either. I've been suicidal since 16, now I'm 21, and I still feel the same. There are moments of occasional happiness for me, but it's never long-lasting. At the end of the day, the last thing on my mind is death. Don't want the world to hurt me, and I don't want to hurt the world ever again. It sucks how life has placed you in such an awful situation. I'm really sorry. Just know that this pain won't last forever

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I really think November 1 is it for me, or at least sometime between now and then. I think my attachments that I had to this world are all gone, and I'm finally getting to the point of not really caring about anyone anymore. I still care about people like me who want to leave this world behind, but I have no more energy to care about anyone else.

I think my exit will need to be a little bit impulsive, but sometimes that's just how it has to be. For me it definitely does.