After a fight this Christmas with my brother-in-law; I was complaining about my abusive father taking his adult stepdaughters through marriage on an expensive Italian cruise, with the money from the sale of my dead mother's and my father's house- my father had kept it during the second marriage until now. My brother-in-law just told me to knock it off and that it was "over the top" and "you should just go, if you're going to talk that way"….
Later I heard him talking about me to my aunt… that I was "sitting on the couch and rudely talking about my father"…
Frankly it just angered me that he feels like he can even comment on a dynamic that doesn't involve him at all. Yet it's not surprising, my sister is the Golden child and will always defend my father, even when he is slamming one of his kids face into the cement sidewalk.
I finally decided that I am making enough money to move out with my new job, and that it might just be time to go "no contact" with my family entirely. The whole year I have been frankly emotionally drained dealing with their problems (financial, emotional, mental, ect) and feeling like I just can't do it for another year.
I started looking into the rent I could afford and it wasn't bad at all! I found guarantor services because none of my family will co-sign and my oldest sister likes to "dangle the carrot" to manipulate me with the possibility of her helping me if I "can prove myself responsible"… (I have literally always paid rent while in college, never been fined or broke a lease, and have responsibly worked several jobs)
I make enough money for the rent… but the problem is most places want income "double" or "triple" the rent, so I will always need a co-signer…
I started going on tours and even saw one of the most beautiful apartments in my life!… but they will only take real co-signer/person.
So now…I guess I am just wondering what's even the point? I feel like I am always trapped in a hole, and every time I manage to sort of claw myself out, the dirt crumbles and I fall even deeper.
No matter what I do, it just never seems to pay off. I got a new job, but that hasn't fixed anything. I want to be social, to fix my depression…but I can't if I am working all the time and isolated by my family. I want an apartment…but that never works or I end up taking a bad situation like my last place I found through a coworker, where the landlord was a creep who tried to manipulate me to date him with the rent and played video games from 11PM- 5AM, literally screaming and yelling all night.
I'm just so demoralized and burnt out. I want a nice life…but now I am just wondering if it would be better to just give up and attempt again.
I want to get better, to let go of my past and be a happy and healthy adult… but it just feels like every time I try, it falls completely apart.
Later I heard him talking about me to my aunt… that I was "sitting on the couch and rudely talking about my father"…
Frankly it just angered me that he feels like he can even comment on a dynamic that doesn't involve him at all. Yet it's not surprising, my sister is the Golden child and will always defend my father, even when he is slamming one of his kids face into the cement sidewalk.
I finally decided that I am making enough money to move out with my new job, and that it might just be time to go "no contact" with my family entirely. The whole year I have been frankly emotionally drained dealing with their problems (financial, emotional, mental, ect) and feeling like I just can't do it for another year.
I started looking into the rent I could afford and it wasn't bad at all! I found guarantor services because none of my family will co-sign and my oldest sister likes to "dangle the carrot" to manipulate me with the possibility of her helping me if I "can prove myself responsible"… (I have literally always paid rent while in college, never been fined or broke a lease, and have responsibly worked several jobs)
I make enough money for the rent… but the problem is most places want income "double" or "triple" the rent, so I will always need a co-signer…
I started going on tours and even saw one of the most beautiful apartments in my life!… but they will only take real co-signer/person.
So now…I guess I am just wondering what's even the point? I feel like I am always trapped in a hole, and every time I manage to sort of claw myself out, the dirt crumbles and I fall even deeper.
No matter what I do, it just never seems to pay off. I got a new job, but that hasn't fixed anything. I want to be social, to fix my depression…but I can't if I am working all the time and isolated by my family. I want an apartment…but that never works or I end up taking a bad situation like my last place I found through a coworker, where the landlord was a creep who tried to manipulate me to date him with the rent and played video games from 11PM- 5AM, literally screaming and yelling all night.
I'm just so demoralized and burnt out. I want a nice life…but now I am just wondering if it would be better to just give up and attempt again.
I want to get better, to let go of my past and be a happy and healthy adult… but it just feels like every time I try, it falls completely apart.
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