The closer I get to CTB, the more frightened and terror I feel. I feel like once I die Im going to be stuck in some sort of dimension where I am just constantly stuck in this feeling of terror and torment with no body to relieve me. I feel like there is no relief in death, and I'm just going to feel this way forever. I have nightmares where I wake up in absolute terror and relief that I am awake, but then I feel like there is no escape and once I'm relieved of this body I'll be stuck in these horrid feelings. I don't know if this is just my brain's survival instinct trying to prevent me from CTB. I am so scared. I just want this all to end.
a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
Sorry you feel this way.
Do you have any way to distract yourself? Maybe to connect to friends/ family or go somewhere, cook something nice, watch a movie, etc etc ?
Are you a hundred percent certain you want to ctb?
About the afterlife of terror: if that was the case and you would really end up in such a place after death, which is rather unlikely anyway but okay, what does it matter whether you go now or in 50 years? If the afterlife is eternal anguish then it doesn't really matter if you lived 20, 30 or 110 ten years before you got there.
Do you have any way to distract yourself? Maybe to connect to friends/ family or go somewhere, cook something nice, watch a movie, etc etc ?
Are you a hundred percent certain you want to ctb?
About the afterlife of terror: if that was the case and you would really end up in such a place after death, which is rather unlikely anyway but okay, what does it matter whether you go now or in 50 years? If the afterlife is eternal anguish then it doesn't really matter if you lived 20, 30 or 110 ten years before you got there.
I am sure I want to go, I just don't know how to make peace with it, I can't get over this fear of an afterlife, I just want there to be nothing, I know my brain is probably going to hallucinate in the process of dying. I guess there really is no way to get around the survival instinct, I'm going to feel this terror regardless.
GrizzlyGrapefruit
Student
- Jun 17, 2019
- 121
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. To me, this sounds more like general fear of death rather than survival instinct (which tends to kick in only once you're about to die as far as I'm concerned).
As with anything regarding after-death affairs, there's no one who truly knows what happens with absolute certainty, so I understand where your worries come in. With that being said, however, I do believe that what you're worrying about is the least likely outcome. I believe that "genuine nothingness" is the most likely thing to occur, and although at first this may be scary, I have learned to believe that this is one of the most satisfying thing that could happen after death. It will be nothing more than being in the deepest of sleeps, just without dreams. You'll be in the perfect state of contentment: nothing to be joyous about but also absolutely nothing to fear.
If by some chance we remain conscious after death, I have a hunch that whatever it is that enabled that to be the case would be merciful.
Regardless of the outcome, I think you're getting caught up with the idea that dying by suicide is inherently different than any other death, but I argue that that is simply not the case. Death is death, no matter how it's served.
I hope you find peace
As with anything regarding after-death affairs, there's no one who truly knows what happens with absolute certainty, so I understand where your worries come in. With that being said, however, I do believe that what you're worrying about is the least likely outcome. I believe that "genuine nothingness" is the most likely thing to occur, and although at first this may be scary, I have learned to believe that this is one of the most satisfying thing that could happen after death. It will be nothing more than being in the deepest of sleeps, just without dreams. You'll be in the perfect state of contentment: nothing to be joyous about but also absolutely nothing to fear.
If by some chance we remain conscious after death, I have a hunch that whatever it is that enabled that to be the case would be merciful.
Regardless of the outcome, I think you're getting caught up with the idea that dying by suicide is inherently different than any other death, but I argue that that is simply not the case. Death is death, no matter how it's served.
I hope you find peace
Glockman
Member
- Dec 20, 2019
- 25
Eternal anguish is a fairy tale. Those Who believe in reincarnation say the "in-between" is a time of rest, reflection and choosing what you want to learn in your next incarnation. I'm not saying I buy into reincarnation, but I do know the Bible is full of $&@? when it comes to the afterlife.
Hell is not real. Neither is a vengeful god. There is nothing to fear, my friend.
Hell is not real. Neither is a vengeful god. There is nothing to fear, my friend.
I am afraid too a lot of us have the same feelings about ctb. I absolutely 100% do not believe in an afterlife but sometimes I have fears of being stuck in some kind of purgatory of literally being stuck between life and death. Or that I will still be able to feel things after I have passed away. It's quite irrational but I think it's normal. Just wish I could get over this and survival instinct as well.
Flume
Villain
- Oct 28, 2019
- 300
What happened to you poor soul, why are you so certain that the pain will never end? Sounds to me like you've been hurting for so long that you can't even imagine what's it like without it
You don't know, and you can never know... and also there's is no proof of the afterlife. So why are you so worried about it? Stick to what you know, and try to keep your feet on the ground the best you can
This is coming from a guy that grew up with a dad that claimed to be a medium, as a kid I would often receive "messages" from the dead via dad. I've been where you are right now, and it's definitely something you can overcome
You don't know, and you can never know... and also there's is no proof of the afterlife. So why are you so worried about it? Stick to what you know, and try to keep your feet on the ground the best you can
This is coming from a guy that grew up with a dad that claimed to be a medium, as a kid I would often receive "messages" from the dead via dad. I've been where you are right now, and it's definitely something you can overcome
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I have guilt over my eating disorder, I feel because Ive binged and purged so much food like something has taken control of me and fear makes me binge and that thing is going to own me forever when I die, I know all of this is just made up delusion in my brain, but it's like we really don't know. I feel like I need to do more in this life in order to die peacefully and not be owned by this thing, but I don't know what I can possibly do, everyday is merely survival. I just want everything to end, I don't want to exist anymore, but I don't want to be tormented.
Glockman
Member
- Dec 20, 2019
- 25
I totally understand your fear. I was in religion for over 30 years. It's all a crock, man. There is no purgatory. There is no special curse in the after life for suicide.
For me, religion kept me in fear. It wasn't until I left a few years back that my fear of death all but diminished.
I suspect if you choose the way of ctb, you will be less afraid the closer you get and the more peace you will have.
a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
This is an unqualified opinion, but have you ever tried to switch from binge eating to obsessive exercise? It doesn't solve the underlying problem but it's a little healthier at least and maybe you could get some momentum?
Sorry it's hard without really knowing you or your situation but you shouldn't have to worry about having to "earn" eternal peace or satisfying some vengeful higher power like jehova. That's BS made up by patriarchical desert dwelling imbeciles.
Sorry it's hard without really knowing you or your situation but you shouldn't have to worry about having to "earn" eternal peace or satisfying some vengeful higher power like jehova. That's BS made up by patriarchical desert dwelling imbeciles.
I realise this now and I really have never been overly religious at any time in my life. Of course I went to church and Sunday school when I was young but that was it. Don't know where the fear came from but like everyone it was probably ingrained into me at an early age.
Sensei
剣道家
- Nov 4, 2019
- 6,336
You feel strong fear and that's your subconscious telling you that your time hasn't come yet. When you reach the point where you really don't want to live anymore, you will feel relief, maybe even joy, but not fear.
The only thing keeping me alive at this point is substances and food, I just don't understand the point to keep going, other than the happiness of other people.
_Minsk
death: the cure for life
- Dec 9, 2019
- 1,110
ive felt this once, had such a traumatic night terror/night mare which sounds like yours, eternal suppering, this feeling of beeing doomed forEVER and this endless pain and fear, no one should experience this.....
If I didn't hate how I looked so much, and didn't make such horrible mistakes, I would want to give life a shot.
Yes, I had a bad trip on acid once, and this is what it was. I feel I have permanent PTSD from it now, that I can't end my life peacefully in fear I'll be stuck in this fear loop, but logically I know that when I die my brain and memories and sense of "me" will die too, so whatever happens before that or in the process of dying is just my brain hallucinating some sort of experience to try to stay alive and real. I think this is what happens when we dream too, it's just the brain creating some experience based on it's waking reality. Why can't we just have an off button? This is not fair, I didn't ask for to be born!
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vonvonwantpeace
Specialist
- Jul 26, 2019
- 331
FracturedSeraphim
Member
- Dec 22, 2019
- 39
I've been dead a few times. Heart stopped and all. Got brought back. All I felt during that time was peace. Maybe I wasn't fully dead but if in that last bit, though I was scarred before, I finally felt peace... I think that's what it feels like. For a little bit I found peace. A numb and happy peace. I am hoping that is what I will find next time too. More permanently hopefully.
Read your post; exactly how I feel.. I take heart in the promise of reincarnation; hard science suggests that your consciousness
simply reboots; you own you forever. I do not, however, believe in bad karma in the next life. It is almost as if you wake refreshed. I am certainly not one, however, to say I'm not scared; that would be a lie. In fact I am scare shitless, if you will.
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