Reality just set in

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

I'll be gone in about 24 hours from now. I have everything I need and arrangements have been made. But, I'm filled with so much panic and sadness. I ended a call with some friends a bit ago and realized "that's the last conversation I'll ever have with them". I teared up a bit because I can't tell them how much they mean to me before I CTB or else they'll get suspicious and try to stop me. I honestly don't want to leave, but I also know that my injury will prevent me from having a fulfilling life and that this is the only option I have left if I want peace. I already blew my chance at a good life.

I also just read a thread about what happens when SN is used as a method and it terrifies me. It does not sound as peaceful as people make it out to be

https://sanctionedsuicide.site/threads/sn-experience-thoughts-from-a-new-perspective.217337/

I hope I'll be able to overcome this SI by tomorrow, because I'll have hours to think about it in the hotel room before I actually CTB. I don't want to die alone, I'm really scared to

 

[NellyGoes]

I had seen that thread too, now it seems gone. Wonder if admins deleted it?

I'm so sorry for what you're feeling, I know that last day hits different. Also… if you don't really want to die, perhaps you can reconsider.. or simply hold on a little longer? Are you in unbearable pain?
If you have an injury or permanent disability (and I don't claim to know how that feels) but there are many people who were able to adjust — with time. And live a VERY fulfilling life regardless! Esp if you have friends and loved ones!

Either way, perhaps give yourself just a little more time. Now that you have your method and everything else, perhaps you can wait until you rly rly rly can't bear any (physical or mental) pain anymore?

I've read it's best to only ctb when you truly "want" to die or at least be fully at peace and have accepted that it's the end now.

Whichever way you decide I wish you good luck and that you find peace and relief my friend.

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

I had seen that thread too, now it seems gone. Wonder if admins deleted it?

I'm so sorry for what you're feeling, I know that last day hits different. Also… if you don't really want to die, perhaps you can reconsider.. or simply hold on a little longer? Are you in unbearable pain?
If you have an injury or permanent disability (and I don't claim to know how that feels) but there are many people who were able to adjust — with time. And live a VERY fulfilling life regardless! Esp if you have friends and loved ones!

Either way, perhaps give yourself just a little more time. Now that you have your method and everything else, perhaps you can wait until you rly rly rly can't bear any (physical or mental) pain anymore?

I've read it's best to only ctb when you truly "want" to die or at least be fully at peace and have accepted that it's the end now.

Whichever way you decide I wish you good luck and that you find peace and relief my friend.

The problem is that I wake every morning feeling terrible, and beyond the injury I fucked up the rest of my life and can't really trust my family anymore

 

[NellyGoes]

The problem is that I wake every morning feeling terrible, and beyond the injury I fucked up the rest of my life and can't really trust my family anymore

Hmm so that's not a lot to go on but for me, to really end my life (bc that's FINAL, all done, no more "you" on this planet ever again!) I'd want to be 100% certain and have rly clear reasons. What you wrote here sounds a bit vague. But I'm obviously not in your situation. The thing is — only you and you alone can make this decision (and know the answer inside of you — hopefully!).