Hi
First time actually posting anything in a forum ever, it's just I've made a decision that I can't talk about with anybody I know and I need to talk about it that's not in my own head, if that makes any sense at all.
Everything is just so awful right now and it gets worse every day. I make things worse when I do something, I make things worse when I do nothing. I know that being alive is a massive problem to so many people who care about me and also some who don't. I don't want to hurt the people I love and I have to stop the additional anxiety and pain that I cause them. I know they will be hurt when I do this but it'll be the last time, it will put a stop to all the stress and worry they currently have about me. Lots knows they have enough else to worry about. I can't make things better this time, there is no way out of this.
I have decided exactly what's happening and that's when I realised I'd stopped crying, my head stopped hurting and I just knew this was the decision I had to make for me because there is no other way for me. There is no way out and I don't have enough strength left to keep going.
But I am a mother to a beautiful little toddler who I am so upset about. I feel so irresponsible bringing him into this cruel world and not being able to protect him or be able to cope with life long enough to support him until he's grown up.
My only hope is that he is too young to understand and will not remember me or that I wasn't good enough to be his mother. He has a wonderful father and extended family so I know he will be looked after when I'm gone, I just hope that he will be ok.
I can hear my husband downstairs laughing, my son is sleeping soundly beside me. I just want to freeze in this moment in time indefinitely
First time actually posting anything in a forum ever, it's just I've made a decision that I can't talk about with anybody I know and I need to talk about it that's not in my own head, if that makes any sense at all.
Everything is just so awful right now and it gets worse every day. I make things worse when I do something, I make things worse when I do nothing. I know that being alive is a massive problem to so many people who care about me and also some who don't. I don't want to hurt the people I love and I have to stop the additional anxiety and pain that I cause them. I know they will be hurt when I do this but it'll be the last time, it will put a stop to all the stress and worry they currently have about me. Lots knows they have enough else to worry about. I can't make things better this time, there is no way out of this.
I have decided exactly what's happening and that's when I realised I'd stopped crying, my head stopped hurting and I just knew this was the decision I had to make for me because there is no other way for me. There is no way out and I don't have enough strength left to keep going.
But I am a mother to a beautiful little toddler who I am so upset about. I feel so irresponsible bringing him into this cruel world and not being able to protect him or be able to cope with life long enough to support him until he's grown up.
My only hope is that he is too young to understand and will not remember me or that I wasn't good enough to be his mother. He has a wonderful father and extended family so I know he will be looked after when I'm gone, I just hope that he will be ok.
I can hear my husband downstairs laughing, my son is sleeping soundly beside me. I just want to freeze in this moment in time indefinitely
