Venting Reading the stories of those left behind by suicide make me cry

[AllFoxedOut]

I see how those left behind by suicidal people grieve, how they blame themselves... it makes me cry. I don't want to hurt the 2 people who still care about me like that.

But I want the pain for me to stop. I bought SN that is no good, but if it was I would be dead already. If I had a gun I'd be gone yesterday.

I just wish I could exit peacefully, no suffering caused to anyone else... but maybe I am selfish.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that if even if other people find death to be upsetting, none of us are obligated to continue delaying our inevitable fate, it's a personal decision deciding when to leave, we all have to die someday and we are only waiting around to die, loss is inevitable and it's the consequence of life being forced to exist in this hellish reality. Forcing other people to suffer would be selfish instead of suicide, having the option to exit peacefully should always be a human right and wanting to take that away would be inhumane.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

The reality is that if even if other people find death to be upsetting, none of us are obligated to continue delaying our inevitable fate, it's a personal decision deciding when to leave, we all have to die someday and we are only waiting around to die, loss is inevitable and it's the consequence of life being forced to exist in this hellish reality. Forcing other people to suffer would be selfish instead of suicide, having the option to exit peacefully should always be a human right and wanting to take that away would be inhumane.

I understand your view. They will never understand our suffering. But I don't want to pass my suffering onto someone else, especially the people who still care. I imagine if my mum saw me hanging.... it would traumatise her.

But what else is there to do? No SN or N suppliers. Pills unreliable. Fuck this.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

This is certainly a difficult situation and it's understandable that you do not want to hurt your parents and others who care about you, but you are going to suffer a life long while your parents will get over it with time. You are not selfish when you want to end your personal suffering because it's your right to do so. If hanging is not an option you can consider the CO method at home when you are alone or in a tent.