Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[bestbefore053121]

10. I don't know what "hope" is anymore.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

*10/10 - I'm so disgusted with myself. Others are so much stronger. I seriously have no idea how people live without benzodiazepines. I am ruined, and they are just monsters. Opiates are not good either but… i saw a meme. It's wasn't even a good one, but it's about xanax & how some lady is thanking it for changing her life for the better. The reply (from Xanax itself was): "I'm literally ruining your gaba receptors & damaging your brain function so hard you will never be the same again". Facts. I'm screwed. That's just the icing tho, on the fucked up cake I am. *-highest it's been in >365 days.

 

[thedaywillcome]

10

Tortured by SI

 

[noname223]

Barely slept. Not sure whether I forgot to take the addictive medication. I hope that otherwise the other explanations would be way worse. I still have major stress. I hope this is the reason for the bad sleep. And no0 withdrawal symptoms. The shit is pretty dangerous and I am very anxious about addiction. In some days the experiment will be over. I think it is not wise to quit them during the storm. I hope very much there will be no problems quitting them. I took the benzos 10 days. But the z-medication almost 3 weeks.

I will soon analyze the whole development retrospectively. I think it is way too dangerous. I will probably take less courses. However during the last exams at college I could very easily quit the medication with barely any withdrawal symptoms. Though I have the feeling the stress increases from semester to semester hence the likelihood of addiction.

I think I am way way beyond my limits. Without the addictive medication I would have relapsed weeks ago. I just repeat the same all the time.

Suicidality 6,5. I cried and had some paranoid thoughts.

 

[sorrowful]

9-10, it is something i want to do and i feel a sort of calmness thinking about it, only downside thing is all the difficulties that come along with it that stress me out quite a bit. if it was available in a professional/medical setting, i would simply just feel peace and happiness knowing i finally have a way out.

 

[hxppythxught]

10, I'm researching the SN method so i can CTB.

 

[EndlessDream]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

During the day about a 3-4, during night usually an 11, bringing out the knives and pills and all.

 

[emptybox]

10
Can't because of circumstances and haven't planned the method well enough yet, but preparing

 

[noname223]

5. A little bit less anxiety. Soon the major stress will be over. I am far far beyond my limits. I hope my medication prevents a relapse. The whole thing was hellish. The pressure I am doing to myself is insane and inhuman.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

9. I think I just got emotionally abused? Regardless, feeling terrible

 

[Undefined]

8.

 

[d1987]

7

 

[stermc]

8.9

 

[metalpi]

3, but fluctuating don't really want to die as of now but I'm in pain physically and I don't want to be in pain.

 

[Hurt]

10

 

[heyrabu]

Yesterday was a solid 10 and today its 8 i think

Been shutting myself from everything that could makes me happy and hesitate, i purposefully making myself suffering at this point so i can ctb with ease

 

[BBBB]

10

 

[noname223]

Insane pressure again. 6,5. Again taking addictive medication. I still can find my sleep which is essential. Hopefully I don't relapse.

 

[noname223]

Very much stress and fuck. 5 minutes ago the whole filling of a tooth went out. Fuck. I need an appointment as soon as possible. This is my worst tooth. Why the fuck is all this shit happening to me?

Suicidality 6,5.

 

[heyrabu]

today's a solid 10.

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

10

 

[noname223]

Extremely exhausted. Barely energy. Suicidality 5.

 

[dembe]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

6 or 7 it was 9 this morning so not bad to me

 

[LocalAngel]

5. System stuff is making life and emotions complicated. I'm beyond apathetic rn, i'm empty.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

9 right now. Almost 10, but I'm not feeling depressed if that makes any sense.

 

[another40seconds]

i'd say 9. i dont really have anyone to compare it to but 9 is a good guess. all i can think about when i fall asleep as hoping that i get killed in some way (i fear suicide bringing me to hell). i really often think about dying like its nothing.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

5, watching a video analysis on Everything Everywhere All At Once made me reflect on my life, so now I'm stuck in the middle ground—among nihilism, optimistic nihilism, and the fear of both of them.

 

[redisblue]

It changes quite a lot, but today I'd say I'm at an 8 or 9 :(

 

[darkness_]

My suicide thoughts have been at a 9 for about two consecutive weeks. The method I've come up with for killing myself is by driving my car into a wall at full speed but everytime I get close to hitting the wall I chicken out. I think my biggest fear is I fail and I have to live with said failure. I'll find the strength eventually just trying to make sure I don't fail

 

[brokenpersi]

it changes like a carousel. last week it was 2, now it's 8