Someplace_nice
Student
- Sep 28, 2024
- 129
It's getting harder to stay happy, the season change is happening and my depression is growing fast. It's over taking my happiness, I feel helpless.. I found out that my best friend didn't CTB but lost all their accounts, I feel like they are a lot different than last I talked to them, I'm so happy to have him back in my life but, I feel an emptiness. Things aren't the same and that should be good but it's hard to cope with. Ik that's making my depression worse, I constantly feel alone even if my hubbys there and it feels like no matter how I fight it, it gets worse and the depression gets bigger and the urge to die gets harder to stuff down. I wish I could be in complete darkness while I wallow in my sadness but I don't have curtains for the window in my room. I just want to die for a day.. I don't want to feel this way but it always comes back, every time. I want to go back to my dream world and stay forever, I don't want to live in reality I want to be in a day dream until the day I die, I want to bed rot so hard that I don't eat or drink. I could live this life better in a dream world. I sometimes wish that I never got saved and the pills worked, I was never alone in my dream world and I had actual friends. All my life is now is clean clean clean. I don't have money or friends to go out with, I can't buy fabrics to keep myself busy. I have almost everything I wanted but I can't have the rest bc I guess it's too much to ask for. I made bracelets to sell but they don't sell, I make sure I keep my only friend near me in mind when we do things. I give them a crystal every time I go to Arkansas but they never think of me. I miss the past, and I can't seem to let go of it. It feels comfortable and safe and is something that is known. I miss middle school or freshman year of high school, I had people to lean on, I went out and did things, I had so many friends... It'll never be the same again and I am terrified, it's hard to let go and I know I need to, Idk if I'm ready to and ik I'll never be ready to I'm just really scared. Everyone one and everything is changing and I can't keep up.
