Venting Random monday thoughts

[Dosentmatter903]

Just here bored so I'll just rant a bit...finally got everything I needed to test my SN today so that worry is over...feels wierd Ina good kind of way...don't get me wrong I DONT WANT TO DIE...but knowing I have a peacefull way out just tucked away ready for when ever I need it is kind of freeing...I'm sad to go but at the same time made my peace and said fuck it...on another random note, does anyone else here feel bothered when asked for a SN source? Not because I don't want to give up the source, believe me I love to help people, but something bugs me about literally giving someone the thing to kill themselves... Tbh honest I don't think I've shared my source with anyone unless they already knew where to get it themselves. On one hand if they are going to end their lives anyways I guess I would be helping by sharing the source for their peaceful way out...but I can't bring myself to do it...just feels if I'm giving someone a gun so they can shoot themselves...just some thoughts...on another random note, I thought at this point I would not give a fuck about life...I thought I'd be super depressed, mad, flipping out on people, stressed out just thinkin about ending it all....but it's the opposite...Idk if it's because I'm trying to hide that ima about to ctb and act normal or what...but I feel ok still eating good, taking vitamins and supplements, working out like any of that shit even matters anymore....wierd...anyways just some shit I've been thinkin about have a great monday!

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Hello @Dosentmatter903,
I don't want to share sources, too.
Even if the information can set people free,
Who decide whether you share it or not, is you.

I don't know any SN source, and I don't have a plan to ask for it.
Some people might think you're cold person, especially here in Suicide Discussion section, but I don't think so.
I haven't asked anybody for SN sources and don't have a plan, because of my personal belief.

If you think you can recover, I'll be glad to hear that.
But if you think otherwise, I still wish you get what you want

Do you have a plan to post on Recovery section?

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would feel relieved at the thought of having the SN, I wish you the best with your plans, and I think that if you are bothered by other people asking questions then just ignore them, they aren't owed an answer.