random incoherent rant

[etherealspring]

I'm so sick and tired of having to go through the motions all the time. having to get a new job, having to do so as if everything is fine and dandy. when will it end? why do i have to keep going? i dont even feel like i want to go through with the act of killing myself anymore, but i still yearn for an infinite state of non-existence. it's excrutiating!! at least when i wanted to ctb i had some sort of motivation. now i just don't even know anymore. i wish someone would do the job for me. or a miracle could come and i would just magically cease to exist. im so tired. i say this a lot and i keep going, but it's still the truth. i dont want to keep going anymore. i dont want to live. why can't i find a place to rest? ive been on the partners megathread in hopes it would be easier, but it's not. i dont know what i can do, i wish this ache would stop. am i being delusional? will this never get better no matter how much "help" i seek? is staying busy never going to be enough to keep my thoughts at bay? i want to die. i wish i could stop being depressed all the time but it wont stop

 

[ventingfrustrations]

Yeah same here
Worry about losing my job alot

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of suffering, I also just wish for non-existence, I always wish there's the option to just choose to permanently cease existing and never suffer again. But anyway I wish you the best.