sugarb
long time sunshine
- Jun 14, 2024
- 749
Sorry for the mostly incoherent ramble, I'm a bit sleep deprived
I don't know if it's my ADHD/autism or if the universe just hates me, but I regularly have very deep and complex thoughts/feelings/ideas/experiences that I just can't articulate to anyone. It's honestly a major reason for me wanting to CTB.
I feel like there's this ocean of feelings, visuals, and raw information straining at the seams of my skull and if I try my absolute hardest I can let out a tiny droplet, at most. It's driving me up the wall. I'll have an odd incredible divine-feeling derealized experience sitting on a fence on a windy day at sunset staring at a waving tree and have absolutely no way of explaining it to anyone. It's so frustrating. I can't even articulate myself right now.
And there's this fucking sense of distance that seemingly nothing can cross. Or maybe it's a mask that I can't take off. I have no idea.
I have family and a small group of friends who love and care about me but while I'm interacting with them even while outwardly having completely different emotions, at my absolute center I'll often be a million miles away. There, I don't know if they're even real or if I care about them or anything at all.
Does anyone else have issues with an extremely vibrant inner world that they can't mesh with the dullness of reality that's contributing to CTB ideation? Or just being unable to articulate their very rapid / complex thoughts in general?
I don't know if it's my ADHD/autism or if the universe just hates me, but I regularly have very deep and complex thoughts/feelings/ideas/experiences that I just can't articulate to anyone. It's honestly a major reason for me wanting to CTB.
I feel like there's this ocean of feelings, visuals, and raw information straining at the seams of my skull and if I try my absolute hardest I can let out a tiny droplet, at most. It's driving me up the wall. I'll have an odd incredible divine-feeling derealized experience sitting on a fence on a windy day at sunset staring at a waving tree and have absolutely no way of explaining it to anyone. It's so frustrating. I can't even articulate myself right now.
And there's this fucking sense of distance that seemingly nothing can cross. Or maybe it's a mask that I can't take off. I have no idea.
I have family and a small group of friends who love and care about me but while I'm interacting with them even while outwardly having completely different emotions, at my absolute center I'll often be a million miles away. There, I don't know if they're even real or if I care about them or anything at all.
Does anyone else have issues with an extremely vibrant inner world that they can't mesh with the dullness of reality that's contributing to CTB ideation? Or just being unable to articulate their very rapid / complex thoughts in general?