Racked with guilt

[BetterInTheory]

Visiting home for the last time. I will be dead in a couple of months. I can't even begin to understand what my mother will go through...and I'm feeling so much guilt and shame.
I know she will be devastated that she had no idea I was even contemplating dying. She will be hounded by relatives asking why I did what I did and she will have no answer. How do I cope with this ...

 

[AlouA]

Visiting home for the last time. I will be dead in a couple of months. I can't even begin to understand what my mother will go through...and I'm feeling so much guilt and shame.
I know she will be devastated that she had no idea I was even contemplating dying. She will be hounded by relatives asking why I did what I did and she will have no answer. How do I cope with this ...

The question is are you really sure about your decision. I've had similar thoughts one year ago and I'm still here ..

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think there's much we can do to soften how it could affect loved ones. After all- them telling us not to be upset about certain things in life clearly didn't work. We feel what we feel.

But, if it's partly a concern that everyone will be asking questions, I guess all we can do is try to pre-empt those questions and answer them in a note left behind.

 

[BetterInTheory]

The question is are you really sure about your decision. I've had similar thoughts one year ago and I'm still here ..

I am sure. Have my SN, will be spending the next couple of months in the mountains. Mum's got a trip planned wit her friends in September, so I'm waiting that out. Don't want to spoil her fun.
What made you not go through?

I don't think there's much we can do to soften how it could affect loved ones. After all- them telling us not to be upset about certain things in life clearly didn't work. We feel what we feel.

But, if it's partly a concern that everyone will be asking questions, I guess all we can do is try to pre-empt those questions and answer them in a note left behind.

I know...I know I can't soften the blow. But over the years I have made passing comments about death being inevitable and how we should be more accustomed to it. I don't know how much that has helped. But my mother knows I've always been very nonchalant about dying. Although she may not have taken me seriously.

My biggest concern is she's, unfortunately, a pushover and doesn't stand for herself. People will make snide comments about my death and she'll have to listen to all that nonsense. I'm also worried about her health now.

I'm planning to write a letter for her too. Can't seem to find the words yet

 

[AlouA]

I am sure. Have my SN, will be spending the next couple of months in the mountains. Mum's got a trip planned wit her friends in September, so I'm waiting that out. Don't want to spoil her fun.
What made you not go through?

I know...I know I can't soften the blow. But over the years I have made passing comments about death being inevitable and how we should be more accustomed to it. I don't know how much that has helped. But my mother knows I've always been very nonchalant about dying. Although she may not have taken me seriously.

My biggest concern is she's, unfortunately, a pushover and doesn't stand for herself. People will make snide comments about my death and she'll have to listen to all that nonsense. I'm also worried about her health now.

I'm planning to write a letter for her too. Can't seem to find the words yet

Simply because I didn't have enough accessible resources or places i can off myself to. My only viable method is hanging but my knowledge about it is still insufficient and I don't want to fail horribly so I'm still doing my research.

 

[BetterInTheory]

Simply because I didn't have enough accessible resources or places i can off myself to. My only viable method is hanging but my knowledge about it is still insufficient and I don't want to fail horribly so I'm still doing my research.

I hope things work out for you

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you suffer in this cruel, painful existence. But anyway I wish you the best.