I have been doing the same thing for a long time and not come up with any answers. I don't think there are any really to be honest, its frustrating when life is so hard to carry on with, yet there is no way I can think of to go peacefully and successfully. Welcome to the group, am sure you will find it helpful as some good hearted people here with lots of wisdom and advice. Even if there are no answers or situations cant be changed, its good to know others care and know how you feel.