Discussion Question for people who were close to death during the ctb attempt - did it hurt?

[Boudika]

If you are feeling generous it would be nice if you could tell what you were thinking and feeling emotionally at the time.

I'm asking because on Friday I intend to ctb and I don't know what to expect.

 

[gbi2]

First time, a paracetamol overdose was awful but there was no pain as in pain from being cut or bruised. I took the overdose because I had had many days of having no one to talk to. Family either wouldn't help me (I was homeless, jobless and been dumped by my girlfriend in a space of a month), or said they would but imposed strict conditions on me staying there. After I took the overdose, I was sat in my car waiting to almost lose conciousness, so I could set fire to it with me inside, then realised I would likely cause a big fire as I was parked near other cars and trees. So I waited but then saw a friends car drive past. I thought he was currently at work but I got his shift wrong. I gave him enough time to get to his house, walked there and told him what I had done. The hospital visit was awful. Stomach pumped, vomiting for many hours, and not very good treatment from staff. A consultant gave them a bollocking for not putting me on a drip after being there for over 24 hours so I was dying of dehydration anyway now.

Second overdose, I was suffering so much and one day as I was about to go to bed I just thought I'd take all the medication I had, so I did and expected to never wake up again, but due to vomiting while asleep or unconcious, I did wake up and had a horrific time afterwards. I didn't know what was happening for a long time, I 'forgot'* I had taken an overdose until I got back from hospital so it didn't even occur to me that I had failed. I felt no pain at any time, despite needing stitches and almost breaking my nose and almost losing some teeth
*I told the ambulance crew I had but it wasn't sinking in about failing. I was just functioning without feeling at that point.