Discussion My concern...

[Dante_]

Please understand that this post are my own thoughts and that of others who've had concerns about their experiences here.

After sometime of thinking about this, I think it needs to be revisited as a topic I've seen here continually be a problem that is the invalidation of attempts users have gone through and shared on the site, specifically with sn.

As someone who survived SN just over 5 months ago and talked about it openly as I could, I was once asked privately, why didn't I follow protocol and the one I found to be the most invalidating of all : Did I not want to die?

Now, for what I went through months ago, this was seriously uncalled for to be questioned like that when I was not in a good place and didn't care if I did die despite being aware there was a good chance with the amount I ingested would cause my death even if it was a "low" dose unless I intervened which I was fortunate to do so on my own.

I know where my despair led to, being acutely aware of what this substance does at a low dose after being an active member on the site for sometime so I don't think it was warranted to be questioned about why I took a low dose, let alone for anyone else who did.

Recently another user here I spoke to was asked the same, despite explaining that their life was in fact almost lost and that they needed critical and intensive care to be resuscitated but the fact that they took a lower dose than recommended in the PPH, somehow that leaves them open to being critiqued for not having actually wanted to die even if they knew they most likely would after drinking it but no, that doesn't matter because only a specified amount can cause death and this is a problem but why ?

Because as much as I understand and there is a PSA for a reason addressing this, I need to reiterate once more, please do not discuss taking a small dose of SN as if it isn't a problem just to see if it works nor undermine the experiences of those who did and nearly died, telling them what they didn't do right or should do next time especially in a manner that is belittling. I think we can all agree people are already told enough of what they didn't do right out there in the world, as unforgiving as we know it is so why should we do so here? I know we can all learn things and openly ask good and fair questions of each other but not in a way that's absent of understanding the person and approaching it with respect for their feelings.

Its hurtful to question someone's action after the fact as if you were in their thoughts before they decided to take it and assume their resolve wasn't present to die despite the fact that medically, this substance is equally lethal at low and high doses as much as people still attempt to negotiate if its worth finding out what the symptoms are like on an individual basis. Its still quite worrying to see people, from time to time, ask if "testing" the SN is worth it by ingestion when the known lethality of this substance deserves respect and serious caution and should not be practiced.

As much as we are a community that does care about fellow users, urging caution and discussing the risks that come with the choices made, I think we can also stand to avoid telling them that they "played" with this or did this wrong or were maybe looking for attention and to not avoid crucial steps next time for success as if a point of correction matters more than what they went through and survived alone.

We can have better conversations that are helpful, publicly in threads or otherwise without resorting to any comments that are mixed in with a sense of ridicule and questioning someone's lack of will to die as if a change of heart isn't possible while there is still a chance or that they survived due to statistically unlikely medical intervention.

I greatly admire those who've survived SN and come back here to share it with us because they didn't have to, no one requested it of them but they did so because they felt safe here and yet, it isn't fair to be under the microscope of someone else's ideas of what they did wrong and that safety that people feel, to have the strength to come back after they've gone through the real world struggle and pain to be here is under threat by all of that, which I cannot stand for…

Edit: for anyone who wants to know what my attempt/experience was like on page 3, here you go.

 

[thelostautistic]

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. Invalidation is so hurtful. Everyone's experiences here are valid

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

That's sad that you went through that. It's no picnic to finally work up a nerve and then have it downplayed.

 

[Dante_]

That's sad that you went through that. It's no picnic to finally work up a nerve and then have it downplayed.

Thank u sm, more than anything and beyond myself, i cannot stand the invalidation of attempts/experiences shared by users on the forum nor the insensitive comments that completely disrespect the person and their lived experience. I think it unfortunately harms the support and understanding this community does foster.

 

[Hystearical]

Hugs

 

[Fadenself00_]

You are precious, Dante! Many people here really like you <333 (<-- Totally not this person)

 

[Kayla]

The invalidation of SN survivors has gotten really bad recently. It needs to stop, and people need to think before they comment.

 

[Endisclose]

I remember Dante long ago being at pains, advising people not to test SN over and over again. So I was shocked and surprised to know that he had a failed attempt himself. I can tell you if this could happen to Dante, it could happen to any of us.

Most of us in here are not in a very good situation in life and often stress and bad times work against who we are and what each of us would do in normal times. My sympathies are completely with you for what you went through and I agree no one who's gone through that trauma deserves to be treated unfairly.

I remember a conversation recently in one of the threads I had where someone had a failed attempt and my main focus was on the reasons for why the attempt had failed - mainly out of anxiety for myself to somehow make sure that the method still had credibility in my mind and also for others who were considering it as a way to CTB.

I realize after reading this that that sort of approach could be perceived as being a bit tone deaf. A lot of this stems from my autism and is certainly not intentional. I struggle and sometimes simply can't pick up/distinguish tonal differences in what I write and am completely blindsided by it. I will try and make a conscious effort the next time I participate in such a discussion to keep in mind the sensitivities of the thread's OP and keep in mind the need to couch my thoughts in language in a better way.

 

[Dante_]

All I want is for there to be more respect for anyone who has ever survived this stuff and come back to the only place they feel safe enough to do so, not be met with any criticism of missed steps they should've done if they really wanted to die or be asked if they'll do it again, people are more than variables of data to extract information from regarding the subjective experience of SN for ctb, I almost died from this...probably should've been dead for what little it takes to work but beyond that, I dont want anyone here to be unsupported on the site. Discussions take place, people will be asked questions but they shouldn't have to feel guarded in answering questions of what they survived because of disrespect or some people being insensitive.