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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,634
A few people seemed...concerned. so...figured an update may be good. Ended up having to reschedule another month out. I really didn't want meds anyway, and this is just one less person whose opinion I have to worry about. If that sentence even made sense. :meh:

I was upset and cried a bit at first, because I've just been doing everything I'm supposed to. I guess having it not work out was a bit of a shock? I numbed out pretty quickly and have just been in a half asleep foggy state since then.

I find it to be another weight off my shoulders. I wonder what my therapist will think, if I even make it to the appointment. I have no idea how the next couple of weeks are going to play out.

All I know is that I'm just so, so tired.
 
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Stick

Stick

Experienced
Aug 31, 2020
269
Your first sentence made sense I think. What about it didn't quite work out?
Either way, I'm glad to hear that you have a little less of a burden. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
 
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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,634
Your first sentence made sense I think. What about it didn't quite work out?
Either way, I'm glad to hear that you have a little less of a burden. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Funny enough...the connection never went through. I don't really have any privacy in my parents' house, so I resorted to sitting in my car with both the Wi-Fi and data on. It still didn't work; maybe it was simply too much data, because my phone can definitely do other things on the internet under those circumstances. I feel bad because you and other people feel bad. I don't particularly feel anything right now, so... I don't really feel like anything is going on at all.
 
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Stick

Stick

Experienced
Aug 31, 2020
269
Funny enough...the connection never went through. I don't really have any privacy in my parents' house, so I resorted to sitting in my car with both the Wi-Fi and data on. It still didn't work; maybe it was simply too much data, because my phone can definitely do other things on the internet under those circumstances. I feel bad because you and other people feel bad. I don't particularly feel anything right now, so... I don't really feel like anything is going on at all.
Don't worry, the kind of bad I feel isn't a bad kind of bad... If that makes sense. I know we haven't talked too much, but I care about you, and I know that feelings are hard to control so it's okay that you feel like it's bad that I feel bad, but it doesn't have basis. You are okay to vent and be yourself.
If you don't feel anything, do you think you might be disassociated?
 
BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,634
Don't worry, the kind of bad I feel isn't a bad kind of bad... If that makes sense. I know we haven't talked too much, but I care about you, and I know that feelings are hard to control so it's okay that you feel like it's bad that I feel bad, but it doesn't have basis. You are okay to vent and be yourself.
If you don't feel anything, do you think you might be disassociated?
This is generally how it goes when I feel bad because someone feels bad for me because I feel bad...


I probably am dissociated. Lmao. Things have felt especially surreal today, feel very detached physically and emotionally. Oh well.
 
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Stick

Stick

Experienced
Aug 31, 2020
269
This is generally how it goes when I feel bad because someone feels bad for me because I feel bad...


I probably am dissociated. Lmao. Things have felt especially surreal today, feel very detached physically and emotionally. Oh well.

It's okay lol. I don't know what advice I can give, but good luck with today :heart:
 
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