Venting Psych ward

[Hhhh]

I gave life a chance. Instead of hanging myself, I let my psychologist admit me to a psych ward. I wanted to try it, maybe a month in there would make things better? Wrong.
The pills fuvked up my stomach. I eat nothing, and I gain weight. I'm going crazy over this, because what do you expect from a recovering anorexic? I don't feel better, thanks to this shit I just got bad memory and heartburn. I've been spitting them out for two days and I'm feeling way better already. I wish I hadn't taken them at all.
The male patients... I'm just going to mention that I'm a conventionally attractive 21yo female. I get harassed constantly. I had a dude barge in my room and kiss my feet without my permission. I got showed porn and told how much they want to do it with me instead. Gross, gross, gross. I can't believe this is how things are. I want to die, even more, I don't feel safe here anymore. I came here to run away from home and now I want to run away from here too, to a lesser evil thats back home. Right now im desperately suicidal, trying to convince ppl to leave me alone for a day. All i need is a pair of tights and a door. Its the only thing i look forward to. I know i could just say fuck it and do something stupid here while still hospitalised, but i want to have control. I don't want my last moments to be rushed. I want to be comfortable and i deserve a peaceful death.

 

[JoeFailure]

I'm really sorry to hear about all of this.

Can I ask what's leading you towards suicide? I know you mentioned what happened at the psych ward and running away from home so I assume home has not been a good situation.

You're super young, you could totally begin a new life if you can just find a way to get started, which I know probably seems hard. But it's possible.

There are really nice people out there in the world. Sometimes some environments don't include them, but they do exist. You could get re-energized by that too. I don't know where you are but some places have women's shelters where they can stay while they find a job until they can afford an apartment and get on their feet.