Promise made

[deathisnear]

After a missed ctb date, I finally made another promise to myself and a few others that I will ctb by the end of the year. It may be sooner, not sure, but I wanted to give myself to the end of the year to get through some things, write the note that I'm dreading writing because it will be so long and get through a couple more mile stones. It feels really good, I'm going to hold myself to this promise, I am not wavering and I will not let anything come between me and ctb this time around. I am also thankful for others being willing to also hold me to my promise, no backing out, not a chance. This is what I've needed for years to end my worthless miserable existence, there is finally a set light at the end of the tunnel, ctb has my name written all over it.

 

[The Lonely]

After a missed ctb date, I finally made another promise to myself and a few others that I will ctb by the end of the year. It may be sooner, not sure, but I wanted to give myself to the end of the year to get through some things, write the note that I'm dreading writing because it will be so long and get through a couple more mile stones. It feels really good, I'm going to hold myself to this promise, I am not wavering and I will not let anything come between me and ctb this time around. I am also thankful for others being willing to also hold me to my promise, no backing out, not a chance. This is what I've needed for years to end my worthless miserable existence, there is finally a set light at the end of the tunnel, ctb has my name written all over it.

It was my new year's resolution (at December 2020).
To not allow myself another year of "this".

I'm making progress….

 

[motel rooms]

I am also thankful for others being willing to also hold me to my promise, no backing out, not a chance.

That sounds scary. Support is good, pressure isn't

 

[deathisnear]

It was my new year's resolution (at December 2020).
To not allow myself another year of "this".

I'm making progress….

I understand. I've said it a million times, but I had actually set a date and wasn't able to do it, so this time I am going to make sure I actually stick to it. It's easier said than done for sure, wishing you peace friend.

That sounds scary. Support is good, pressure isn't

I don't look at it as pressure, I look at that as support as well. My decision is made, I am happy to have people support my decision and willing to look out for me so I can fulfill that decision. The no going back, no backing out is my promise to myself, not pressure from them.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess by having a time limit, you know that your pain will soon be ending. I wish you peace if this is your choice.

 

[The Lonely]

I'm not pushing anyone too…
I'm making progress in this direction, but if did not have everything ready I'll have postpone obviously …

 

[boc]

Good luck man. No shame if you do decide to change the date. I find the process of going through and writing notes and preparing can be cathartic in itself. Keep us posted as you make progress, the courage to get over SI is hard for all of us.

 

[deathisnear]

I guess by having a time limit, you know that your pain will soon be ending. I wish you peace if this is your choice.

Thank you, it's something long overdue. I felt such a relief when i had set the date before and ever since I've passed it, it's felt like extra hell. I need peace.

Good luck man. No shame if you do decide to change the date. I find the process of going through and writing notes and preparing can be cathartic in itself. Keep us posted as you make progress, the courage to get over SI is hard for all of us.

Thank you so much. I had to change the date once already and since i missed that date, i've felt even worse. My note is going to be LONG, that's why I'm dreading it, but hopefully it can be cathartic.. SI is a bitch, hopefully I can get past all that and get the peace I crave and feel I deserve