Karl
Member
- Oct 14, 2018
- 74
Man, I used to love the first Rozen Maiden manga. It's definitely one of the best manga I've ever read.She's from an anime called "rozen maiden"
I can relate to her desperate loneliness
What a cutie pie. Those ears! Love it.my avatar is my Watson.
What a cutie pie. Those ears! Love it.
Aww, did he pass away? I'm so sorry. Yes, I painted that and it's my moms lil Shih-Tzu. I basically raised her, so she's kinda like mine too. She's a doll. The painting was a gift to my mom for her birthday a few months ago. I gave it to her with a stand to display it, and she cried.He was the best good boy ever. :(
I read that your profile photo is a painting you did?
Is that your fur baby?
Aww, did he pass away? I'm so sorry. Yes, I painted that and it's my moms lil Shih-Tzu. I basically raised her, so she's kinda like mine too. She's a doll. The painting was a gift to my mom for her birthday a few months ago. I gave it to her with a stand to display it, and she cried.
Well, now I'm balling my eyes out and I am so very sorry about your loss. I feel the same way about animals, especially dogs and I've went through many losses in my life. Each and every one of my dogs were amazing, lovable and had their own beautiful personalities.Awww what a beautiful gift and beautiful baby!
And yeah.
He was such an amazing friend and soul mate that I can there aren't enough words for me to express how amazing he was.
I rescued Watson when he was only 3-4 and had him for only 3 years and 8 months. He was only 6-7 years old and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure on 10/15/18. He had no symptoms prior to his first episode on 10/14/18; I would take him to the vet regularly for any issue and he was always fine. I immediately found a cardiologist on 10/15 and he was put on medications and was told the average dog lives up to 6 months - year...
The anticipatory grief was crippling but Watson was still by my side so I made every day count for him. He had regular check up and was doing really well but I had to find a way to save his life. I was researching every possible option for him and found out about heart surgery overseas with a 92% success rate. The wait list was about 6 months and I thought he would make that no problem since he was responding well to the medications. I was preparing for his heart surgery with all his medical files and corresponding with the clinics and was getting a surgery date.
Then on 11/25/18, only 6 weeks after his diagnosis .. I suddenly lost my best friend.. He had a tear in his valve that could not be prevented or anticipated.. It just can 'happen'.. or whatever. ... I'll spare you the details leading up to/ on that day as it's long and... I personally keep reliving that nightmare as images from that day still keep flashing in my mind randomly. It sucks. it all fucking sucks.
The day I lost Watson has been the most traumatic experiences of my life.
Losing him was painful enough but now I have this overwhelming guilt, anxiety and so many negative thoughts and questions I can't barely function.. I feel like I can barely breathe.
It's crazy how he came into my life though.. The best good boy saved my life.
I remember the day I got him-- I had been planning and set to ctb and make it look like some horrible accident. I was pretty set on that day too, I was just looking into the exact times when there would be the least chance of bystanders-- that's when I received a notification from a friend about chihuahuas that needed to be rescued.
I'm a sucker for dogs, (especially chihuahuas since I feel like not enough people give them a chance and they aren't little devils but are actually very sweet. And they are the second most euthanized dog in shelters) so I figured why not and that if anything I would crash my car somewhere on my way home or something.
But then when I sat down to meet the dogs, Watson (he didn't have a name at the time) slowly crawled into my lap and looked at me with his big blue eyes. I drove home with him and didn't crash into anything that day. From that day on we were inseparable and he was with me everywhere-- aside from work sometimes, but after his diagnosis, he started coming to work with me everyday.
He was the only thing that gave my life meaning. He gave me purpose. He made me feel like I could take on the world and showed me unconditional love. He and I had such an amazing bond that I've never had with any other companion animal... with any other person for that matter..
I know it sounds stupid but Watson really was more than just a dog.
I felt that after years of feeling so unloved and disappointed that the world finally wasn't so cruel.
I used to think the world was so generous after Watson came into my life.
And then the world took my fucking dog back and has left me feeling worse than before..
With the way my life always goes, I should have expected it really...
Well, now I'm balling my eyes out and I am so very sorry about your loss. I feel the same way about animals, especially dogs and I've went through many losses in my life. Each and every one of my dogs were amazing, lovable and had their own beautiful personalities.
One thing, by reading your story, I know it's hard, but please try not to blame yourself. You tried so hard to save him and get the best possible healthcare for him. That's a lot more than a lot of people do, and Watson wouldn't want you to feel bad over it. It was out of your control and none of it was your fault. Maybe when you feel like it's a good time, you could adopt another sweet furbaby to keep you company. It wouldn't be a replacement because I know none of our babies can be replaced, but rather another companion for you to love and be loved in return. Dogs are truly amazing, and I think it would help you tremendously.
I lost my yellow lab to a major stroke when he was 11 and I grieved for a while but then a gorgeous chocolate lab puppy came into my life and I could not imagine my life without this guy. He is my best friend, my protector, and he loves unconditionally. Everyone deserves that love, and I know another furbaby would fill that empty void in your heart, even just a little bit. Just something to think about...if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you and I definitely feel your pain. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me.
You are not alone, that's for sure. I understand 110%. And thank you for your kind words as well. My chocolate lab has really helped me heal, and of course "Jake" will always be in my heart. I've lost so many animals, they were all very painful but the most pain was with my little Maltese/Lhasa Apso mix who I had from when I was 6 years old till I was 25. He was almost 20 years old. He had been with me through all the bad things that happened to me in my past, and celebrated the good times with me too. Was with me from 1st grade until college, was by my side during the problems I was going through during my marriage, you name it...he was by my side. He lost control of his bladder and his kidneys were failing from old age...and we had to have him put down and I held him in my arms the whole time. I felt so bad but we were together till the end and that just about killed me. I've lost 5 dogs, many cats, birds, and other animals I had. To me, personally they were all family.thank you so much for your reply. I've been feeling like I'm crazy because it seems like no one understands how much he meant to me, or how a dog could bring so much meaning to someone's life. People at work try to understand but I can feel their judgement as to why I'm not over this yet & I end up hiding in my car to cry throughout the day.
I'm trying not to let the guilt and self blame/hate manifest but I keep getting these flashbacks of that day and it's beyond intense. It's weird and difficult and I don't think I can handle it. But I find solace in knowing Watson and I will be together again soon which helps hide a lot of my distress.
And I'm so sorry for the lost of your yellow lab! That pain of losing something so incredible is unbearable. I'm happy to hear that you have a new little baby! I always felt that some companions we lose will guide new ones into our life. I am hoping one day I could find another companion animal but I don't think I'd live long enough for that day to come.
But thank you again for being so kind and compassionate. I don't feel like I'm nuts for once.
I will try to keep your words in mind and I really appreciate them more than you may know.
I wish I were as talented as you. That's a great painting, I adore the influence too.Mine is a painting I made inspired by
Squares with Concentric Circles
By Wassily Kandinsky. My paintings meaning comes from the 'circles' of life. I have a circle to complete. Each one of us is a circle. The Circle of Life represents the fact that no being is omnipotent or invulnerable. It tells us that even the most powerful and dominant , one day, they too will be subject to failure and collapse and as such their fates are entwined, for they all will experience the wheel of natural progression. It is through this process that all things, however great and mighty, will spiral through the echelons of chaos to attain a state of natural order.